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Beaker
01-12-2010, 06:28 AM
i hate being uncertain about things and at the moment i have no aim, it is really getting to me and i feel like crying. the story goes....

my husband got arrested for some bad stuff, i dont know what to do, i love him but i think that it is because reality has not set in. he has not been sentanced yet but i am sure that will influence things. i have not spoken to anyone about it properly so i thought i would spill it out to people who can not see me. sounds weird but it feels better that way. i think i am really stupid at the moment, i am so embarresed, the most common question i get is how did you not notice, and i honestly dont know why i didn't.

Oxygene
01-12-2010, 07:02 AM
i hate being uncertain about things and at the moment i have no aim, it is really getting to me and i feel like crying. the story goes....

my husband got arrested for some bad stuff, i dont know what to do, i love him but i think that it is because reality has not set in. he has not been sentanced yet but i am sure that will influence things. i have not spoken to anyone about it properly so i thought i would spill it out to people who can not see me. sounds weird but it feels better that way. i think i am really stupid at the moment, i am so embarresed, the most common question i get is how did you not notice, and i honestly dont know why i didn't.

I don't think you should make yourself too crazy about that.. sometimes the people closest to you cause the biggest surprises and disappointments.. I don't think you should beat yourself up about not noticing it. It is no way your responsibility.. I think friends come in very handy at a time like this, and trying to unwind in a healthy way and just deal with it.. meaning have a few beers but don't go on a drinking binge etc. Talk it out.. try to get away a bit, do shit to keep your mind off of it... listening to music helped me cope with the toughest of things I have had to deal with. I guess there is no universal advice, just don't blame yourself too much and try to get some closure on it... either accept him as he is and keep loving him, or decide on moving on. But you'll need some time for it to sink in either way.. just don't go too crazy.

nieh
01-12-2010, 10:45 AM
Is your name Rita Morgan by any chance?

Blitz!
01-12-2010, 11:02 AM
There is no point in beating yourself up over this, it was beyond your control to begin with.

DMelges
01-12-2010, 11:23 AM
I have to agree with everyone else. Sometimes the closest people to us disappoint us in ways we could never imagine. Don't feel stupid, because you're not. Stay strong, and I hope you get through this.

Beaker
01-12-2010, 04:58 PM
Thanks guys, It can be hard to take my mind off, but music is one thing that deffinately helps,

my husband got arrested for child pornography related affences, thats the humiliating part. i would rather he robbed a place or sold drugs. I dont think i can stay with him, at least not have children with him, but i find it hard to make the arrangements esspecially when i see him because of the feelings i still have.

He says he is a changed person but he lied about other things while we were married, only beening married less then a year i dont think our relationship is strong enough to handle this, at the same time i liked married life and what we had.

i have this weird thing where i am worried he will not find any one else and neither will i.

AllIn All It's Not So Bad
01-12-2010, 05:01 PM
Thanks guys, It can be hard to take my mind off, but music is one thing that deffinately helps,

my husband got arrested for child pornography related affences, thats the humiliating part. i would rather he robbed a place or sold drugs. I dont think i can stay with him, at least not have children with him, but i find it hard to make the arrangements esspecially when i see him because of the feelings i still have.

He says he is a changed person but he lied about other things while we were married, only beening married less then a year i dont think our relationship is strong enough to handle this, at the same time i liked married life and what we had.

i have this weird thing where i am worried he will not find any one else and neither will i.

are you married to renato piquette

Beaker
01-12-2010, 05:11 PM
lol, thanks, you made me laugh, :D

no i am not though, that would be easier to put up with.

coke_a_holic
01-12-2010, 05:15 PM
Get rid of him. The man looks at naked children, for god's sake. You can and you will do better.

Honestly. I don't even know you and I don't think I've ever talked to you, but let's be realistic, husband or otherwise, that's just terrifying, and there's no way to get around that. There's no way to be "rehabilitated" from it and he will not change, no matter how much he protests the contrary. Naked children.

Beaker
01-12-2010, 05:22 PM
yeah, i think it is one of the worst things anyone can do, i think i am going to just need to do it, my friends and family keep saying it is good that i am standing by him that kinda made it harder. its kinda hard because i have known him so long and loved him for so long but i guess i am just going to have to think of what he has done,

ahhh, i am so all over the place,

Rag Doll
01-12-2010, 05:27 PM
Get rid of him. The man looks at naked children, for god's sake. You can and you will do better.

Honestly. I don't even know you and I don't think I've ever talked to you, but let's be realistic, husband or otherwise, that's just terrifying, and there's no way to get around that. There's no way to be "rehabilitated" from it and he will not change, no matter how much he protests the contrary. Naked children.

110% agree with this.

Beaker
01-12-2010, 05:31 PM
its the first time some one has put it in perspective like that, it is good to hear oppions of people who do not know him.

DMelges
01-12-2010, 05:43 PM
There are things you can forgive and forget, but not something like this. I'm sorry, but you really just have to leave him. Standing by him, defending what he did, is not the right thing to do. Stand up for yourself and go get something better for you, something you deserve.

randman21
01-12-2010, 05:48 PM
I have not seen enough evidence to convince me that rehabilitation for this is not possible. It just wouldn't make sense to me. But one thing is certain, he sure as shit hasn't changed in this short period of time, so don't buy that. If he were to, it would take years and years and even if that were to happen, I still wouldn't take him back. Some things are just deal breakers.

P.S. I am deeply sorry that this has happened to you. It's about as bad as it can get, and I hope you have someone you can talk to you to keep you sane.

Beaker
01-12-2010, 06:16 PM
yeah, i know, you know how there is certain things in life you should not avoid but you do, i think this is one of them. i guess i just have to do it,

i need to get it through my head that there is no chance he will change soon, and even if he gets jail time it is gunna take even longer and i am to young to take the chance, its funny that i can say this bu when it comes to it i back down,

Paint_It_Black
01-12-2010, 11:35 PM
my husband got arrested for child pornography related affences

Uh, just looking, or something worse?


There's no way to be "rehabilitated" from it and he will not change, no matter how much he protests the contrary.

I generally agree. However, as long as he was just looking at it and not actually involved in producing or distributing, I'm not quite so convinced that she should immediately give up on the guy.

Yes, it's a terrible, disgusting thing. But chances are he knows that too and wishes he wasn't attracted to it.

Beaker, the best thing for you is almost definitely to just move on. But if you really love the guy you need to give this a lot of thought. He probably cannot be rehabilitated exactly, in that he's still going to be tempted to look at this stuff. But with support he can perhaps resist his unpleasant urges, just like any addict.

As long as he was only looking. Anything beyond that and you shouldn't even consider standing by him.

Sidewinder
01-12-2010, 11:41 PM
as long as he was just looking at it and not actually involved in producing or distributing, I'm not quite so convinced that she should immediately give up on the guy.

Yes, it's a terrible, disgusting thing. But chances are he knows that too and wishes he wasn't attracted to it.



Richard, you can talk to us.

T-6005
01-13-2010, 12:14 AM
Forgiving forum member says -

Distance grants perspective.

WebDudette
01-13-2010, 12:46 AM
Get rid of him. The man looks at naked children, for god's sake. You can and you will do better.

Honestly. I don't even know you and I don't think I've ever talked to you, but let's be realistic, husband or otherwise, that's just terrifying, and there's no way to get around that. There's no way to be "rehabilitated" from it and he will not change, no matter how much he protests the contrary. Naked children.

Yeah, this.

wheelchairman
01-13-2010, 01:40 AM
Even with what Richard says, I'd still say you should leave him. The long-term risks for you aren't worth it. You could never responsibly have a kid with him, unless he's on some court-ordained chemical castration, then it'd be up to whether or not he took it (and he'd have no sex-drive).

And yeah like Richard said, that's only if he just looked.

Bejka
01-13-2010, 02:01 AM
Thanks guys, It can be hard to take my mind off, but music is one thing that deffinately helps,

my husband got arrested for child pornography related affences, thats the humiliating part. i would rather he robbed a place or sold drugs. I dont think i can stay with him, at least not have children with him, but i find it hard to make the arrangements esspecially when i see him because of the feelings i still have.

He says he is a changed person but he lied about other things while we were married, only beening married less then a year i dont think our relationship is strong enough to handle this, at the same time i liked married life and what we had.

i have this weird thing where i am worried he will not find any one else and neither will i.

OMG run, run, ruuuuuuuuuun! Life is hard even without situations like this. You deserve much better man! Good luck!

On the other hand, my mom's cousine had a baby with her boyfriend and while she was pregnant, he was arrested for stealing cars or something. He was in prison for over one year. Then they got married and had another child, they are happy now and children are great, she made PhD... She is really a strong woman. So... you never know.

But child pornography... I still think you should run and never look back.

Paint_It_Black
01-13-2010, 02:26 AM
You could never responsibly have a kid with him, unless he's on some court-ordained chemical castration, then it'd be up to whether or not he took it (and he'd have no sex-drive).

Isn't that a tad bit extreme if we're going with the assumption that he just looked?

Even if he finds children sexually attractive, that doesn't mean he would necessarily find his own children sexually attractive.

I don't like the idea of taking risks when kids are involved, but I also don't like the idea of punishing someone based on what they might do at some later time.

wheelchairman
01-13-2010, 02:30 AM
I think people who find kids sexy shouldn't be around kids, let alone have their own...

Paint_It_Black
01-13-2010, 03:30 AM
Right, but court ordered castration for someone who just looked at some porn?

Why not just shoot the guy then? That way we really know the kids are safe.

WebDudette
01-13-2010, 03:38 AM
Sure, yeah. I think I could live with that.

Little_Miss_1565
01-13-2010, 07:09 AM
You may still love him, but like everyone else is saying, that is not any kind of reason to stay with him. Run. Run away. File for divorce.

Harleyquiiinn
01-13-2010, 07:28 AM
I haven't read every post but the way I see it, the only question you have to ask yourself is:

in your opinion, do you think that what he did can be forgivable ? And I'm not talking about forgiving him yet. Could you imagine that this sort of offence can be forgiven in general ?

If not, your answer is very simple: you cannot stay with him because you cannot forgive him.

And as a personnal opinion, I think that unless you have a long term treatment and are followed by a bunch of therapist, you cannot suddenly say that you are no longer attracted by children...

As I said before, and since he didn't seem to have hurt any kid (thank god !), he should be treated more than sent to jail but that doesn't change the fact that I doubt any relationship could work with someone who has such a problem....

Edit: Also, I am sorry for you. This is a terrible situation to deal with... Also, maybe your family is telling you to stand by him because they are being pragmatic. If he gets a treatment, it probably will work better if he has people around him to support him, but supporting him doesn't mean in any way that you should sacrifice any part of who you are to help him.

SweetTatyana
01-13-2010, 08:56 AM
Hi Beaker,
As said above, don't beat yourself up over it, you were probably giving your husband space and didn't rifle through his things - actions that make you a good wife. Him betraying your trust and lying to you is what makes him the bad guy, not you! There are serial killers who have wives who have no idea about what is going on so I mean people are good at concealing things when they really need to. There is no reason you should feel bad about not noticing :)
Anyway, I am not really the type of person to give strong opinions when it comes to peoples emotions and such but I have to agree with coke on this one. If you ever want children in your life you cannot have them with this man. Like coke said, he was looking at naked children, and to me I feel that is unforgivable. You are clearly a smart woman who is going somewhere in life (I read your profile :)) and the fear of being alone she not exist because you sound lovely. Further, I know its hard when you have so many feelings and are in a union with someone but you have to remind yourself that this is not the person you thought you were marrying, and I am sure if it was pre-nuptials you would not have entered into this union. He lied to you about who he was. That is what I would do, of course you have to do what you feel is right for you but never let fear of being alone stick you to someone who doesn't deserve you :)

P.s. love your avatar, caffine is the life blood of champions haha

Offspring-Junkie
01-13-2010, 09:30 AM
Well, shit is fucked up, hm? I'll join the others by saying... it's hopeless. Get rid of him.

wheelchairman
01-13-2010, 11:04 AM
Right, but court ordered castration for someone who just looked at some porn?

Why not just shoot the guy then? That way we really know the kids are safe.

Eh I wrote it at 6 am, for some reason I figured that was the only way to get the pills for chemical castration.

The Talking Pie
01-13-2010, 11:26 AM
Isn't that a tad bit extreme if we're going with the assumption that he just looked?

Even if he finds children sexually attractive, that doesn't mean he would necessarily find his own children sexually attractive.

Exactly. We still don't know what exactly he done. Assuming it's just pictures, it doesn't make him a threat to anyone; it just makes him a guy who looks at porn.

I look at porn. But not ugly girls. Not my sister. Not my friends. Ew. Why should a sexual preference of minors change that? Some kids are fucking revolting.

It's like when people treat homosexuals as folk who want to screw anything of the same sex that moves. Or maybe has recently died.

There are so many shades of grey.

If he never acts on his attraction, by definition that makes him perfectly harmless. Not that we can know the inner workings of his mind.

Sure, he's done wrong, but that's no reason to automatically place him at the extreme end of the scale because of the type of crime. Not unless he's actually done all of the horrifying things I'm sure we're all jumping to the conclusion of.

wheelchairman
01-13-2010, 11:31 AM
Nah I don't think we are jumping to conclusions yet, I think everyone just assumes that if you find children sexually attractive there is a higher chance of you molesting a kid, than somebody else.

Is that fair? Nah, but then again he's connected to the most taboo crime in our society. I think people are more worried about the potential risk than him looking at child porn.

The Talking Pie
01-13-2010, 11:35 AM
But he's only more likely to molest a kid because they're his preference. Which makes me more likely than him to molest a woman. We'd still need to both be into molestation before it's a problem.

wheelchairman
01-13-2010, 11:45 AM
This would be where I think your logic is flawed, normal people don't molest women or children...

Alison
01-13-2010, 11:49 AM
I personally would not stay with him, let alone stay with him and have children with him. Sure, as people are saying, maybe he wouldnt feel that way about his own kids....but, do you want to wait and find out, that's the thing.

Also, you must remember, if you do stay with him, this is not something that is easy to forget.
I find it strange that your friends thought it was great you are standing by him...I mean, I'd tell one of my friends to do a runner if they were in a similiar situation.

I don't know the full facts...but I'd be really really disgusted and creeped out if i found out a person I was married to looked at naked children, never mind anything futher than looking.

The Talking Pie
01-13-2010, 12:02 PM
This would be where I think your logic is flawed, normal people don't molest women or children...

No, they don't. But you're equating having a sexual preference of minors with also being a molester. The two are separate and don't always overlap.

Hate him for what he's done and not what he hasn't, is all I'm saying.

SweetTatyana
01-13-2010, 12:06 PM
I want to point out that looking at child porn means you're supporting an industry that sexually exploits children. This is pretty terrible, just because hes not going out and molesting them himself he is supporting other people in doing it.
I am sorry but as coke_a_holic said, hes looking at children naked.

http://blog.mattalgren.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/think-of-the-children.jpg
hehe

Paint_It_Black
01-13-2010, 12:32 PM
But you're equating having a sexual preference of minors with also being a molester. The two are separate and don't always overlap.


Exactly.



It's like when people treat homosexuals as folk who want to screw anything of the same sex that moves. Or maybe has recently died.

Indeed. I was thinking the same but didn't really want to open that can of worms.


I think people are more worried about the potential risk than him looking at child porn.

That's natural, but like you said yourself it's not exactly fair. I just dislike completely ruining a life based on what we think they MIGHT do.

I knew a guy who got busted for having child porn on his computer. I completely cut off contact with the guy. But he was just a friend of a friend, not someone I was close to. I would have at least considered trying to help him if he was someone I actually cared about.

The best thing for Beaker is almost definitely to run. But if she loves the guy she should at least consider trying to help him. I suppose I was just reacting to the almost unanimous opinion that she should abandon him immediately and without hesitation. Life isn't that simple unfortunately.


I want to point out that looking at child porn means you're supporting an industry that sexually exploits children.

I'm not entirely convinced it counts as an industry. I would imagine most people that have that shit got it from free file transfers. Back in the day I used to see a lot of disturbing file names when downloading music.

Sidewinder
01-13-2010, 12:45 PM
I'd say it's truly up to you whether or not to leave the guy... I probably would, as it would be an incredibly disturbing taint on your relationship regardless of how he turned out or to what degree his involvement was, and I would assume going back to the place where you were happy with him would be near impossible.


That being said, I do agree with Richard on the point that he shouldn't be punished for something he might do. Many men are sexually attracted to women, but not nearly all of them are unsafe around women. The number of normal-porn watchers versus rapists is a fairly substantial proportion. Yeah, he may have a sick perversion, but what if simply looking was the lesser of two evils (versus engaging, for example)?


It's obviously a really complex issue. I fully support his punishment for what he's done, but do not think anything extra is deserved for what might happen later. If he's been caught for simply looking, especially, there will be precautions taken like a list or something that will severely limit his ability to engage even if he's not actually penalized.

Harleyquiiinn
01-13-2010, 12:53 PM
Just so you know. The fact to detain pedophile porn IS an offence.

And I agree with both sides: There is a difference between molesting and wathing porn, no matter what it is.

IMO, molestation is mainly caused by frustration: you want to have sex with a person because you are attracted, you can't, you are frustrated. One day, you can't deal with that frustration anymore, and you end up having an irrepressible pulsion and molest someone.

Most people can deal with that frustration. The ones who can't most of the time just find another person to have sex with.

In the case of a pedophile, it is IMPOSSIBLE to have sex with a child in a legal manner. That is why I think there are more chances that they end up molesting a kid than people attracted to adults BUT of course, some pedophiles will never have these kind of pulsions.

That is why jail is not always fair when you have these sort of images but treatment is absolutely necessary.

(Also, in France, having pedophile images is punished with 2 years of jail and 30.000 of fine. That's a maximum. Why is it so ? You can't put someone in jail for a longer period of time when he didn't hurt anyone. What is punished through this offence, is, as Tatyana said, the fact that you support an industry).

Paint_It_Black
01-13-2010, 01:05 PM
IMO, molestation is mainly caused by frustration: you want to have sex with a person because you are attracted, you can't, you are frustrated. One day, you can't deal with that frustration anymore, and you end up having an irrepressible pulsion and molest someone.

I think you are running into the problem of trying to understand an abnormal act by applying normal psychology.

Molesting someone who won't consent to sex is basically logical, although obviously immoral. But you can't look at this kind of thing in those terms. People who molest/rape/whatever often seriously enjoy the fact that the act is not consensual. They wouldn't want consensual sex even if it was being offered.

If I remember correctly, known pedophiles are not statistically more likely to molest or rape than anyone else. I could be wrong on this and I don't feel inclined to research it. Just something I vaguely remember. Please correct me if anyone has evidence to the contrary.


an incredibly disturbing taint

Nice.

Harleyquiiinn
01-13-2010, 01:10 PM
I think you are running into the problem of trying to understand an abnormal act by applying normal psychology.

Molesting someone who won't consent to sex is basically logical, although obviously immoral. But you can't look at this kind of thing in those terms. People who molest/rape/whatever often seriously enjoy the fact that the act is not consensual. They wouldn't want consensual sex even if it was being offered.

If I remember correctly, known pedophiles are not statistically more likely to molest or rape than anyone else. I could be wrong on this and I don't feel inclined to research it. Just something I vaguely remember. Please correct me if anyone has evidence to the contrary.



Good point indeed http://www.assas.net/forum/style_emoticons/default/jap.gif

Such statistic seems weird to me since being a pedophile is such a taboo that I don't see how you could make them... suppositions maybe... but statistics... Besides, as for rapes in general, most victims don't speak...

Sidewinder
01-13-2010, 01:22 PM
Nice.

Oh you caught that.

The Talking Pie
01-13-2010, 01:30 PM
I just wonder how many paedophiles there are out there who simply never act on their urges and live lonely lives. After all, we only really hear about the ones who get caught doing the what we're all afraid they might (a dormant paedophile would hardly announce themselves to the world, would they?).

It wouldn't be an exact science, but I bet we could extrapolate a figure out based on the amount of convicted paedophiles and the amount of convicted rapists. Not entirely sure what the other axis of this graph would be, but I'm willing to bet the end result would surprise most.

Sidewinder
01-13-2010, 01:38 PM
Are you using 'pedophile' in the sense of one who's interested or one who actually engages / gets caught in some way or another?

The Talking Pie
01-13-2010, 01:42 PM
One who's interested. Otherwise it wouldn't deserve the 'phile' suffix. Let me go over this once more: one who also engages has a whole other set of problems, notably being a molester/rapist (if the child is young enough they can't practically consent).

Sidewinder
01-13-2010, 01:45 PM
Then I guess I'm a bit confused on how you're applying it to rapists, as they're the active side of the spectrum.


Unless (and this just clicked) you mean rapists stemming from people with pedophilic (word?) desires. That makes more sense when I think about it.

The Talking Pie
01-13-2010, 01:48 PM
Yeah, I'm saying that if we took the percentage of actual 'normal' rapists in society against the number of 'interested' individuals (not sure entirely what'd qualify for that) and used it to extrapolate a figure from the amount of convicted rapist-paedophiles, you could get a good idea of how many paedophiles there are lurking out there who actually do nothing at all with their desire. (Is that more reassuring or creepy?)

Sidewinder
01-13-2010, 01:52 PM
I think it would be illuminating, which can be both creepy and reassuring.

The wild card is the people who may have had these urges or at least the potential, but for one reason or another suppressed them so deeply they may never surface. Hypothetically they should count as potentials in SOME way, but there's no logical way to account for that.

The Talking Pie
01-13-2010, 01:54 PM
Suddenly I'm reminded of the South Park episode Child Abduction is Not Funny.

Beaker
01-13-2010, 05:35 PM
Thanks guys hearing every side helps putting things in perspective,

sorry i gave no details, i some time assume people know, its weird.

Ok, lets see, He has 12 counts,

these are 6 counts producing child porn and 6 counts using a cariage service to distribute it. This is only some of them but the police hold some back as this carries 120 years. he did not film it but the charges are based on a conversation with a man he had met on the internet. the reason he got caught was because they raided this other guys house and found it on his computer. the other guy turns out to be NSW biggest peodophile. So my husband was talking to this guy about raping young boys and girls but these are all fantacy and did not acctually take place. the kids in the fantacy he made up, exept his cousin. he sent a picture of his cousin to the man, which i think is so horrible to do to someone. he did look at the stuff also. the things he said was graphic and horrible and most accured before he was 18 so they can not get him for that.

the thing that gets me the most is that i took a contaception before i was married, depoprovera. this had bad side effects where i was unable to have sex every night like he wanted. when i did it was painful, after all this i find out he was in the next room looking at the porn while i was sleeping or in bed because of the pain. I just feel like me not offering as much sex means i pushed him to look more so. The hormone pills i am on to correct it make me emotionally all over the place so i needed to hear all perspectives because my mind is a little warped.

Another thing i had a problem with is them taking all my stuff, they left half of his behind but took all mine. It was during residential school at uni that i found out. they took my computer and flash drive meaning all my uni work was taken. because of this i had an average semester where i barely survived clinical biochem, had to get a grade pending in molecular cell bio, i had to drop out of protein biochem, and tried to stay ok in cytogenetics.

sorry this got a bit long, :(

Little_Miss_1565
01-13-2010, 07:14 PM
Not having sex with someone for totally reasonable reasons doesn't make someone into a pedophile. Being a sick person who is sexually attracted to children makes someone into a pedophile. I feel for you, this has to be absolutely horrifying for you, but I would really advise you to cut and run while the running is good.

dexter12296566
01-13-2010, 07:45 PM
i had a friend get arrested in november and still has no charges pressed and i dont get how it takes so long. good luck. i always figured you were a dude

jacknife737
01-13-2010, 07:55 PM
Not having sex with someone for totally reasonable reasons doesn't make someone into a pedophile. Being a sick person who is sexually attracted to children makes someone into a pedophile. I feel for you, this has to be absolutely horrifying for you, but I would really advise you to cut and run while the running is good.

This and only this.

IamSam
01-13-2010, 08:17 PM
I agree with what has been said here. If you don't cut and run you will just be setting yourself up for further heartbreak. The vast majority of pedophiles do not get clean. And next time it become even more embarrassing for you because your soon to be ex-husband could have a run in with this guy:

http://thenastyboys.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/chris-hansen.jpg

Paint_It_Black
01-13-2010, 10:57 PM
Wow. Now I know the full story I advise you to get the fuck away from him. Don't even speak to him if you can avoid it.

Don't you dare blame yourself in any way whatsoever. The guy is a monster, but that's in no way your fault.

Really sorry for what you're going through. I honestly can't even imagine what it must be like.

Harleyquiiinn
01-14-2010, 12:49 AM
Is there a chance that they find some of these pics and files on your computer ?

Beaker
01-14-2010, 03:27 AM
i had a friend get arrested in november and still has no charges pressed and i dont get how it takes so long. good luck. i always figured you were a dude

a dude? thats funny, i thought that some people had that impression before.

all the advice helps guys, thanks,
i just get a little sad some times now, but my research is keeping my mind off it during the day, and my work in the night. plus talking on here seems to be a relief thing letting it all out,

another thing is i found out his brother was raping him for a long time and my sister has a thing for the brother, how do i let her know to stop talking to him, i tried but she thinks i am just trying to annoy her, i cant tell her why,

Beaker
01-14-2010, 03:32 AM
Is there a chance that they find some of these pics and files on your computer ?

no he never used my computer, maybe so i did not find out, it was bought for my uni work so i was strict about that was all it was used for, i was not connected to the net but i am not sure, i hope he did'nt use it.

that would make me feel more stupid.

IamSam
01-14-2010, 05:46 AM
no he never used my computer, maybe so i did not find out, it was bought for my uni work so i was strict about that was all it was used for, i was not connected to the net but i am not sure, i hope he did'nt use it.

that would make me feel more stupid.

You can't blame yourself for not knowing what was going on. This is all on him, do NOT feel stupid because of his stupidity.

Paint_It_Black
01-14-2010, 06:19 AM
another thing is i found out his brother was raping him for a long time and my sister has a thing for the brother, how do i let her know to stop talking to him, i tried but she thinks i am just trying to annoy her, i cant tell her why,

You have to tell her. Write it all out in a letter if you can't bring yourself to say it. But either way, you have to tell her.

Good luck with everything.

Little_Miss_1565
01-14-2010, 07:25 AM
You have to tell her. Write it all out in a letter if you can't bring yourself to say it. But either way, you have to tell her.

Seriously, you have to tell her.

Harleyquiiinn
01-14-2010, 07:35 AM
You have to tell her BUT make sure she doesn't go tell it to everybody...

you don't want him to become your ennemy.

And I suggest maybe you should go taking advice from an attorney. I am sure there is a way to get access to one without paying anything or some kind of free legal help... maybe you should try to call your closest courthouse.

Do this individually, you don't have to tell anybody, so that he doesn't know.

I am not saying that you will NEED a lawyer. I am just saying that he/she might give you some useful advice concerning your situation.

_Lost_
01-14-2010, 11:23 AM
i cant tell her why,

Seriously, you have to tell her.


no he never used my computer, maybe so i did not find out, it was bought for my uni work so i was strict about that was all it was used for, i was not connected to the net but i am not sure, i hope he did'nt use it.

that would make me feel more stupid.
If your computer is clean, then you should be able to get your stuff back, right?

PS RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN!

Beaker
01-14-2010, 05:50 PM
i rang the police and they said i will get every thing except the computer back as soon as the court day is over,

the computer i get back in about 6 more months, i did not realise how much i would miss my ipod,

i have about a month now, the police illegally searched my house, pisses me off so much, i used to have respect for them now they are just dick heads, the way they treat you is not on, the ones here any way,

_Lost_
01-15-2010, 01:30 PM
They didn't have a warrant? If they had clear evidence linking your husband, then they would easily get a warrant.