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dexter12296566
01-20-2010, 06:13 PM
I feel terrible for complaining so much. Everyone gets depressed except Andrew and if anyone should, it is him. He is in the tenth grade and I talked to him a bit last year, not often. This year he didn't show up at school. I figured he switched schools. Today he came into school in a wheelchair. On June 29, 2009 he was hit by a motorcycle and is paralyzed from the waste down. The damage is most-likely permanent. I take life and everyday things, such as walking for granted. I think most people do! I also found out recently that a girl who was a friend of mine for years is in the hospital. I have not seen her in a couple of years but now she is dying. She has a rare disease. The hospital thought it was H1N1 at first and they sent her home. It is a blood disease and now she needs a kidney. Everybody has their own problems and I realize that. I also apologize for complaining so much here and elsewhere, even though you guys don't here it other places!

WebDudette
01-20-2010, 06:15 PM
So... you'll stop?

IamSam
01-20-2010, 06:16 PM
Is this a white flag? You're done? Kaput?

ospringfan112113
01-20-2010, 06:19 PM
I'm sorry to hear about your friends. My brother was recently hit by a car and almost died,he had broke two rib bones which hit his lung, and was in a short coma. After his accident I noticed how I take a lot of things for granted too, even him! I hope both you're friends will turn out ok,and if I could I'd donate my kidney:p.

IamSam
01-20-2010, 06:26 PM
One of my friends recently got fucked to death by a horse.

DMelges
01-20-2010, 06:29 PM
Did dexternumbers finally see the light? haha

Sorry to hear about your friends.

ospringfan112113
01-20-2010, 06:29 PM
I want to give her my kidney but I don't think my mom wants me to! OMG about ur bro. That's terrible. Is he going to be okay?Yea I'd think you would have to be the same blood type or something to donate a kidney to a certain person.

Yea, he's getting better almost everything is healing well, like the accident was a few weeks ago and he's out of his wheelchair, he has to use cruches sometimes still but he will be okay.I was sitting in my room after the accident cuz my parents went to the hospital to be with him and the hospital would'nt allow children under 18 to go in from swine flu (it was really bad in R.I).

Then "Gone Away" was played on the radio and it got me so mad I punched a hole in the wall.

IamSam
01-20-2010, 06:33 PM
What I got out of your message was that life could be worse, you could have been fucked to death by a horse.

Well..your life would have gotten worse...some others may have gotten better under those circumstances.

DMelges
01-20-2010, 06:40 PM
We do take things for granted. Look down. Oh my god you have legs. Some people don't.

ospringfan112113
01-20-2010, 06:43 PM
I know that A kid at school Roman has no legs and only one arm but he is a bully so i dont talk to him. i still feel bad for him thoughMaybe he acts like a bully because hes upset that he can't walk,or have a second arm.

DMelges
01-20-2010, 06:46 PM
I know that A kid at school Roman has no legs and only one arm but he is a bully so i dont talk to him. i still feel bad for him though

Ok, I don't mean to sound like an ass here...

but how the fuck does a guy with no legs and one arm bully you?

ospringfan112113
01-20-2010, 06:55 PM
he yells at me and tells me to go jump off a cliff and die and shit like that. it doesnt matter. how did this discussion get on to me?I'm not perfect but I don't let anyone talk to me like that.But there was this one time someone told me to jump off a cliff,so after school I made him follow me to this cliff that was like a couple feet high,jumped off, landed on my feet with no pain or falling or anything. I asked him if he wanted to give it a try and walked away.Now he just stays away from me.:)

DMelges
01-20-2010, 06:58 PM
he yells at me and tells me to go jump off a cliff and die and shit like that. it doesnt matter. how did this discussion get on to me?

Well next time he does that, walk up to him and say "I bet you can't rub your belly and tap your head at the same time".


I'm not popular but I do'nt let enyone talk to me like that.But there was this one time someone told me to jump off a cliff,so after school I made him follow me to this cliff that was like a couple feet high,jumped off, landed on my feet with no pain. Said "you wanna give it a try?"and walked away.Now he just stays away from me.:)

That was brave of you.

DMelges
01-20-2010, 07:03 PM
In geography and geology, a cliff is a significant vertical, or near vertical, rock exposure. Not a couple feet.

ospringfan112113
01-20-2010, 07:11 PM
maybe it was just a tall plateau. i dont think that was her pointMust have been a plateau,because it was a few feet tall,to be honest it was really tall too! ( though I was a bit short)

Well my point is if hes gonna keep saying stuff like that to you, mine as well prove him wrong

DMelges
01-20-2010, 07:13 PM
No reason to let a guy that can't beat you bully you.

DMelges
01-20-2010, 07:15 PM
But you like people being mean to you?

Harleyquiiinn
01-20-2010, 11:17 PM
Look at the bright side. If a guy with no legs and one arm can be part of the cool kids at school, it shouldn't be impossible for someone with Asperger...

DMelges
01-21-2010, 12:04 AM
Look at the bright side. If a guy with no legs and one arm can be part of the cool kids at school, it shouldn't be impossible for someone with Asperger...

So true...

Oxygene
01-21-2010, 04:39 AM
Other peoplse misery shouldn't influence your perspective on happiness and being content.. it is unhealthy.

You should value your life for what it's worth and not in comparison to others. Lot's of stuff is pretty twisted in your head. I hope you will sort them out, by the time you reach adulthood, for your sake...

Paint_It_Black
01-21-2010, 05:55 AM
Comparison is the only way to define value. You don't know you're happy if you've never been sad. And you don't know you are fortunate unless you pay attention to those with less.

Tijs
01-21-2010, 07:46 AM
Comparison is the only way to define value. You don't know you're happy if you've never been sad. And you don't know you are fortunate unless you pay attention to those with less.So people who have been miserable and unhappy for their entire life don't know exactly how miserable they are, or even if they are miserable? And following that very same logic, they're quite lucky compared to the miserable ones who had one or two good things happened in their lifes?

And on a sidenote:
Either Dan M. or Oxygene has to change his avatar. I can't tell who is who while I'm scrolling down the page.

Oxygene
01-21-2010, 07:58 AM
So people who have been miserable and unhappy for their entire life don't know exactly how miserable they are, or even if they are miserable? And following that very same logic, they're quite lucky compared to the miserable ones who had one or two good things happened in their lifes?

And on a sidenote:
Either Dan M. or Oxygene has to change his avatar. I can't tell who is who while I'm scrolling down the page.

I didn't like his logic either, but I just didn't wanna argue, it's a basic human flaw that he's defending.. oh well.

As for the avatar:
Dan M. has to change it, I was instructed by Bejka to have this as my avatar... I have no authority to change it. Besides I had the shitty black and white avatar first :D

Bejka
01-21-2010, 09:07 AM
So people who have been miserable and unhappy for their entire life don't know exactly how miserable they are, or even if they are miserable? And following that very same logic, they're quite lucky compared to the miserable ones who had one or two good things happened in their lifes?

And on a sidenote:
Either Dan M. or Oxygene has to change his avatar. I can't tell who is who while I'm scrolling down the page.

no, no no, Oxy must keep it!

Little_Miss_1565
01-21-2010, 09:13 AM
I hope everyone posting in this thread realizes that it's the attention to pay to these threads that encourage their daily appearance on the forums.

I do hope that dexternumbers is serious about having a more positive outlook, as nothing but complaints wears on people, but I really wish people would stop heaping so much attention on it.

Paint_It_Black
01-21-2010, 09:26 AM
So people who have been miserable and unhappy for their entire life don't know exactly how miserable they are, or even if they are miserable?

Everyone experiences happiness at some point, even if it is just a fleeting moment. I believe your question is flawed because such a person does not exist, has never existed and could never exist.

But, if we are just being hypothetical, such a person could indeed know exactly how miserable they are by comparing their own state of misery to that of others. As long as they could see someone else experience happiness (and be able to even recognize happiness, which is perhaps doubtful for this hypothetical individual incapable of experiencing it themselves) they could guess at how miserable they themselves must be on some kind of objective scale.

And yes, I do believe that if this hypothetical being never experienced happiness or saw happiness in others that it would in fact not know that it was miserable.

Imagine you were born blind. If you never discovered that everyone else could see you'd never feel sad about being blind. To you it would be normality. If someone else explained to you that everyone else is able to see, you'd be sad and envious, assuming you could actually understand the concept of sight, which is somewhat doubtful. Or if you experienced sight for yourself and then lost it, well, you'd be miserable I'm sure. The point is, you can't know anything without comparison. You simply cannot know you have it bad unless you are aware that something better is possible.

Or imagine if we discovered a race of alien beings that are exactly like us. Except they never grow old. Never get sick. Hell, maybe they can fly too. Pretty quickly we'd all become horribly dissatisfied with our mundane human existence. A sense of utter nihilism and misery would set in. And absolutely nothing would have changed, except we'd have found something better to compare to, something we want and don't have, making what we do have no longer sufficient.

That's my view of humanity anyway. On a related note, human beings are cursed with an incredible intelligence that allows us to imagine things which we find desirable but which aren't actually possible. So then we make ourselves miserable dreaming of the impossible while "lesser" animals are presumably content in their ignorance. And then we invent religion. But I digress.

Anyway, a key component of happiness is remembering that things could always be worse. Taking the "glass is half full" approach. And one easy way to be reminded of this is to observe the greater suffering of others. This was dexternumbers' revelation, I believe.

Harleyquiiinn
01-21-2010, 09:42 AM
Everyone experiences happiness at some point, even if it is just a fleeting moment. I believe your question is flawed because such a person does not exist, has never existed and could never exist.

But, if we are just being hypothetical, such a person could indeed know exactly how miserable they are by comparing their own state of misery to that of others. As long as they could see someone else experience happiness (and be able to even recognize happiness, which is perhaps doubtful for this hypothetical individual incapable of experiencing it themselves) they could guess at how miserable they themselves must be on some kind of objective scale.

And yes, I do believe that if this hypothetical being never experienced happiness or saw happiness in others that it would in fact not know that it was miserable.

Imagine you were born blind. If you never discovered that everyone else could see you'd never feel sad about being blind. To you it would be normality. If someone else explained to you that everyone else is able to see, you'd be sad and envious, assuming you could actually understand the concept of sight, which is somewhat doubtful. Or if you experienced sight for yourself and then lost it, well, you'd be miserable I'm sure. The point is, you can't know anything without comparison. You simply cannot know you have it bad unless you are aware that something better is possible.

Or imagine if we discovered a race of alien beings that are exactly like us. Except they never grow old. Never get sick. Hell, maybe they can fly too. Pretty quickly we'd all become horribly dissatisfied with our mundane human existence. A sense of utter nihilism and misery would set in. And absolutely nothing would have changed, except we'd have found something better to compare to, something we want and don't have, making what we do have no longer sufficient.

That's my view of humanity anyway. On a related note, human beings are cursed with an incredible intelligence that allows us to imagine things which we find desirable but which aren't actually possible. So then we make ourselves miserable dreaming of the impossible while "lesser" animals are presumably content in their ignorance. And then we invent religion. But I digress.

Anyway, a key component of happiness is remembering that things could always be worse. Taking the "glass is half full" approach. And one easy way to be reminded of this is to observe the greater suffering of others. This was dexternumbers' revelation, I believe.

About that, everybody knows that aliens do get sick and can't handle human bacterias. That's why their invasion failed back in the 50s...

I mostly agree with that message. It is only in comparison with birds and monkeys I feel the need to have wings and a cool tail.

But I don't think it works so well in the case of happiness. Sure, when you think about it, you could have it worse, and everybody, as people born healthy in a fairly rich country with an access to the Internet, should be happy considering what happens in the rest of the world. But I believe we all have problems in proportion of our lives.
"I missed my train this morning, arrived late to a hearing, the judge didn't want to let me plead, and the case was dismissed and set at another date, I have to explain that to my boss and the client, who are both pissed off. If I do this again, I might lose my job. So yeah, some people don't know what to eat tonight, but still, what a fucking bad day !" <= (fictionnal)

So yes, in theory, you are absolutely right, but it takes an incredibly strong mind to be able to make these comparisons and this half full approach at all time....

I do hope there is another key to happiness :(

Paint_It_Black
01-21-2010, 10:10 AM
"I missed my train this morning, arrived late to a hearing, the judge didn't want to let me plead, and the case was dismissed and set at another date, I have to explain that to my boss and the client, who are both pissed off. If I do this again, I might lose my job. So yeah, some people don't know what to eat tonight, but still, what a fucking bad day !"

Missing your train is only upsetting because you know that it would be preferable to not miss your train.

It's the same for all your other examples. You only know these things are bad because you are aware of the better outcomes. You are comparing them to the better outcomes.

Like I said, it all comes down to comparisons. You can compare your current situation with other experiences you have had in the past, the experiences of other people that you have perceived, or just something entirely imaginary. But regardless, you are defining the value of the current experience by making a comparison.

If you miss your train you're going to be unhappy. If you later find out the train derailed and all the passengers died horrific deaths you're now going to feel incredibly relieved that you missed that train. It's all comparison. The event doesn't change, which in this case is whether or not you got on the train. Only your feeling regarding the incident can change, and this changes based on whether or not you believe it would have been more desirable to get on the train or not. It's all comparison. If every time you missed a train you focused on the idea that the train might have crashed and caused your horrific demise you might feel a little better about missing it, as opposed to thinking about how this has just fucked up your plans. Although in that particular case it would probably just lead to a severe phobia of trains. But still.

AllIn All It's Not So Bad
01-21-2010, 10:25 AM
tl;dr
it was about time

Paint_It_Black
01-21-2010, 10:34 AM
In your case I'm pretty sure it's "couldn't", not "didn't".

Alison
01-21-2010, 11:55 AM
I'll give it a week til your next complaint.

Oxygene
01-21-2010, 02:52 PM
no, no no, Oxy must keep it!

thank you Bejka that made me feel good :)

wheelchairman
01-21-2010, 05:12 PM
TL;DR If you are reading this summary, you are a moron. Ha! Got you! No, but seriously.

Okay I'm not going to quote who I'm responding to, but generally it's D###, Richard and Harley. Not directly but it's your posts that prompted this reply, that and a big fat dick, oh yeah.

Happiness is always a comparison, but comparison is nothing without context. Harley touched on this but I'll continue it. There is nothing wrong with complaining, there is something wrong with complaining all the time, or choosing what you complain about. But that's not what I want to talk about at all. What I want to say is that any one person's definition of happiness is defined by how they understand happiness (now we're talking about English, but there may be languages with no word for happiness, and English also has a few words for happiness, another one being borrowed from French or Latin or whatever, 'joy'. Which now has a slightly different but not really too different meaning from happiness.)

Anyways everyone's understanding of happiness is different, this is also true of sadness or misery. You're not going to be able to fully understand another person's happiness as you are limited by the context of your understanding of happiness (having a spoken language however helps significantly, well for most people except Llamas, OOOOH! I kid, I kid.)

So everyone's happy and everyone's sad, and generally if they can speak a language they can understand these concepts and discuss them. Everyone has the capacity for happiness and the capacity for sadness.

Think about it, we've all been really really happy right? Did we ever look as happy as someone who scored a goal in soccer? The whole team literally molests the guy in happiness.

Does that make me envious? Sort of I guess, except that I know I've been really happy and I just didn't express it by screaming and having a group of guys molest me. But will I ever have that kind of happiness? That'd be nice. Screaming and having a group of guys molest me.

The point being that happiness, satisfaction and contentment are all factors of your experiences. Hip, overly in-debted students love travelling to poor countries because they find the people their so happy and fun-loving. Happiness as a feeling only exists as a comparison to other feelings, and your feeling of happiness is contingent on the context of your life. You can have down days and not be ashamed of it just because you don't have clinical depression, or aren't missing a limb. You can be happy because you discovered how blessed you really are too.

Anyways I believe I've rambled incoherently long enough.

DMelges
01-21-2010, 06:17 PM
It's the pursuit of happiness that brings us joy.

wheelchairman
01-21-2010, 06:45 PM
I feel I forgot to mention something obvious, a key factor of happiness is of course your expectations.

The strange fact of the matter is that you are happier with low expectations than higher (generally because the lower are easier to meet.)

So obvious but such a large factor that I meant to mention, feel annoyed that I forgot it.

This is why people with great grade averages throw such hilarious fits when they get a less than stellar grade. Fuck all y'all I'm gonna go play basketball.

Paint_It_Black
01-21-2010, 11:11 PM
a big fat dick, oh yeah.


That'd be nice. Screaming and having a group of guys molest me.



Anyways I believe I've rambled incoherently long enough.

Oh, I'd say it was pretty coherent. I certainly now know what makes you happy.


The strange fact of the matter is that you are happier with low expectations than higher (generally because the lower are easier to meet.)

I think we should make a differentiation between expectations and goals. You are quite correct of course, low expectations make happiness simpler to achieve. Partly because they are easier to meet, as you said, and partly because the results can often exceed your low expectations. Which is always nice. But what about actual goals? If you set your goals and ambitions pretty low you can avoid the disappointment of failure, but you also pass up the joy of feeling like you really earned something, really made a big achievement.


It's the pursuit of happiness that brings us joy.

There is also something to this. Working towards something we desire can be more pleasant than even the final success. If we only set easily attainable goals we will miss out on this.

Perhaps we should always aim high but expect to fail. It's a bit weird, but I think that covers all the bases pretty well. Have difficult goals, enjoy the process of working towards them, feel elated if you succeed, feel alright if you fail because you expected to fail anyway.

Oxygene
01-22-2010, 12:39 AM
The Pursuit Of Happieness,was'nt a bad movie etheir.


Pursuit is an awsome word!

It's actually
"The Pursuit of Happyness"

but whateva... :D

holland25
01-22-2010, 01:35 AM
It's actually
''The Pursuit of Happiness''

but whateva... :D

Oxygene
01-22-2010, 01:40 AM
It's actually
''The Pursuit of Happiness''

but whateva... :D

http://img171.imageshack.us/img171/4847/picture23lc.png

It's actually
"The Pursuit of Happyness"

but whateva... :D

Llamas
01-22-2010, 01:42 AM
"A lot of people are wondering, why is “happyness” spelled with a “y” in the title of the movie?

There was a place called “Happyness” that became very, very important to my son and I. They spelled happiness with a “y.” It was Happyness Daycare Center. In the film and on the cover of the book, the Y is in a different color. I wanted that for a very particular reason because I want people to start thinking about, well, you and your happiness and what makes you happy. And everyone you talk to today is probably going to have a different definition of happiness."


Now shaddup you two.

holland25
01-22-2010, 01:44 AM
It's actually
"The Pursuit of Happyness"

but whateva... :D

Ooh, okay then.

Oxygene
01-22-2010, 01:45 AM
Ooh, okay then.

Usually is...

But whateva... :D

Paint_It_Black
01-22-2010, 02:31 AM
You're both wrong. It's "whatever".

Oxygene
01-22-2010, 02:59 AM
You're both wrong. It's "whatever".

it's actually spelled happenis, but whateva...

wheelchairman
01-22-2010, 05:07 AM
Oh, I'd say it was pretty coherent. I certainly now know what makes you happy.

Is this cause you know just what gays like?



I think we should make a differentiation between expectations and goals. You are quite correct of course, low expectations make happiness simpler to achieve. Partly because they are easier to meet, as you said, and partly because the results can often exceed your low expectations. Which is always nice. But what about actual goals? If you set your goals and ambitions pretty low you can avoid the disappointment of failure, but you also pass up the joy of feeling like you really earned something, really made a big achievement.
Have you? There was a time when Denmark spontaneously burst into celebration, it was ridiculous. It's hilarious to see videos of that night. This was in 1992 when Denmark won the European Championships. Why the sudden spontaneous burst of drunken joy? Because the expectations had been fairly low to begin with. But do I mean low or do I mean realistic?

I'd say that it's part of at least American culture to push people into having unreasonably high expectations. Whereas Danes are happy to get 10 minutes on Oprah.

So I suppose what I mean is that you can start an ambitious project, you can easily do that with low expectations. Then it's awesome to excel. Or simply try and get your expectations more in line with reality, but who wants that?



There is also something to this. Working towards something we desire can be more pleasant than even the final success. If we only set easily attainable goals we will miss out on this.
This is the difference between expectations and goals. You can have expectations for your goals, and I suppose you can have goals for your expectations but that just sounds retarded. As I said earlier, you can start very ambitious projects but still have low expectations. I've had a consistently strong grade average since I started college, but am I going to change my expectations to match? Ah hell no. I'm not a masochist.


Perhaps we should always aim high but expect to fail. It's a bit weird, but I think that covers all the bases pretty well. Have difficult goals, enjoy the process of working towards them, feel elated if you succeed, feel alright if you fail because you expected to fail anyway.
Essentially yeah. Should've probably responded to your post in reverse order. :/

_Lost_
01-22-2010, 05:58 AM
I guess happiness boils down to expectations then. Like, if you are poor and have no expectation that you will become rich, then you can be happy if you stay poor, but also be happy if you some how become rich.

wheelchairman
01-22-2010, 06:32 AM
I guess happiness boils down to expectations then. Like, if you are poor and have no expectation that you will become rich, then you can be happy if you stay poor, but also be happy if you some how become rich.

I'd say essentially (and basically) that three key factors are expectation, context and one's own comparative abilities.

There are likely many more factors and its very hard to define happiness (as the King of Bhutan recently tried to do when he created the 'Gross Happiness Product').

There are a myriad of social scientists who try to measure it, and depending on their criteria Denmark either gets first place or last place. And Danes aren't like Italians, we're not a particularly passionate people so this bipolarity is rather odd.

Harleyquiiinn
01-22-2010, 07:05 AM
I'd say essentially (and basically) that three key factors are expectation, context and one's own comparative abilities.

There are likely many more factors and its very hard to define happiness (as the King of Bhutan recently tried to do when he created the 'Gross Happiness Product').

There are a myriad of social scientists who try to measure it, and depending on their criteria Denmark either gets first place or last place. And Danes aren't like Italians, we're not a particularly passionate people so this bipolarity is rather odd.

Here, there are these sort of polls... they are based on how much the population spends...The more we consume, the happier we are...

How strange, I usually want to buy stuff when I feel sad...

wheelchairman
01-22-2010, 07:48 AM
There's obviously a lot of problems with choosing one factor on which to measure happiness. In that there will never be a universal factor for happiness.

Superdope
01-22-2010, 08:23 AM
There are a myriad of social scientists who try to measure it, and depending on their criteria Denmark either gets first place or last place. And Danes aren't like Italians, we're not a particularly passionate people so this bipolarity is rather odd.

Meh ________

wheelchairman
01-22-2010, 08:41 AM
Jeg stemte ihvertfald på nihilisterne :p

Free?
01-22-2010, 09:47 AM
Happiness = when you are what you want to be, have what you want to have (include family, relationships etc here), do what you want to do and still you have some goals to achieve. There's no exact definition because it depends on person's inner world and the world around him/her.
source (http://www.offspring.com/forums/showthread.php?t=37992&highlight=happiness)

_Lost_
01-22-2010, 09:49 AM
I was oversimplifying with the thought that any discussion we could have about such a not quantifiable topic is going to amount to a gross oversimplification. There are things that are obviously going to affect are happiness (culture, context, what we know), but the things that have the most effect from person to person is going to vary greatly based on how are brains are wired and all sorts of factors we can't even fathom.

Trying to break it down just shows us how little we can directly calculate happiness and its fluctuations.

Llamas
01-22-2010, 09:57 AM
I was oversimplifying with the thought that any discussion we could have about such a not quantifiable topic is going to amount to a gross oversimplification. There are things that are obviously going to affect are happiness (culture, context, what we know), but the things that have the most effect from person to person is going to vary greatly based on how are brains are wired and all sorts of factors we can't even fathom.

Trying to break it down just shows us how little we can directly calculate happiness and its fluctuations.

This thread got too deep and long winded for me to bother reading it all, but I generally agree with Lost here. There is a very real balance between the intrinsic and extrinsic motivations for happiness. It's impossible to pinpoint what causes happiness... if it was, way more people would be happy :)

Also, Karin, did you forget that there is the word "our" in English? You realllllly seem to love "are", though. :-D

_Lost_
01-22-2010, 11:51 AM
Oh wow... I didn't even realize... That's one that I don't usually do...

Paint_It_Black
01-22-2010, 10:17 PM
It's impossible to pinpoint what causes happiness

If you can't tolerate deep and longwinded, yeah.