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bighead384
01-28-2010, 10:20 PM
Have you ever been introduced to a group of people that are just so ridiculously set in their ways as far as social interactions go? It's almost like things happen on cue and you have no room to speak. And then even if you try and force in a comment, most of them or all of them ignore you. You don't sense even the slightest bit of inclusiveness.

I truly don't get it. Do people feel like they have something with their freinds that makes them feel good, and they become so attached to it that they're scared that mere possibility of someone else joining in could somehow ruin it? I can't stand the monotony of the same people every night. So when new people are introduced, I'm natrually intrested (unless I get a bad vibe), and I go out of my way to be inclusive. To some extent, it's possible that it's just a personality trait (being more inclusive or exclusive to a new guest). But then you get to a certain point and damn...I just think it's fucking creepy.

This is just something that annoys me and I feel like complaining about, because it happened to me tonight and plenty of other occasions...

WebDudette
01-28-2010, 10:25 PM
My friends and I do that a lot. You know who we do it to? People we don't like. People just don't like you.

bighead384
01-28-2010, 10:27 PM
My friends and I do that a lot. You know who we do it to? People we don't like. People just don't like you.

Like I said, I do it too if I get a bad vibe. But there have been plenty of times where I highly doubt that that's the case. I'll acknowledge that it's possible that "people just not liking me" could be an explanation for at least some of these experiences. But on the other hand, I'm sorry, but sometimes it seems like this happens before I get a chance to make any impression whatsoever.

RickyCrack
01-29-2010, 02:24 AM
I'll acknowledge that it's possible that "people just not liking me" could be an explanation for at least some of these experiences. But on the other hand, I'm sorry, but sometimes it seems like this happens before I get a chance to make any impression whatsoever.

maybe it's because you look retarded

WebDudette
01-29-2010, 02:28 AM
Are these groups like friends of a friend? Or are you just walking up on random groups of people chilling at the mall or something?

RickyCrack
01-29-2010, 02:36 AM
dood. real punx dont chill around looking for mall pussy. what would justin sane say?

Llamas
01-29-2010, 03:00 AM
I don't get the complaining. It's always more comfortable to talk with your friends, avoiding the small talk, the get-to-know-you talk... real talk. People you can trust. Sure, I love meeting new people, but when I'm with my close friends, I'm always more interested in talking to them than a new person. And what's the WORST is when you're the new person, and you feel like the group has paused for you. They can't seem to carry on like normal because someone new is there, and so you're on the spot. They keep asking you questions and expecting you to talk to all of them a lot.

I much prefer that the group goes on like normal, and I work my way in by talking to someone one-on-one.

bighead384
01-29-2010, 07:45 AM
It's always more comfortable to talk with your friends, avoiding the small talk, the get-to-know-you talk... real talk. People you can trust. Sure, I love meeting new people, but when I'm with my close friends, I'm always more interested in talking to them than a new person.
I agree and I think everyone does this to an extent. It's just that I seem to have come across people that take it a little too far in my opinion.


Are these groups like friends of a friend? Or are you just walking up on random groups of people chilling at the mall or something?

Friends of a friend.

Little_Miss_1565
01-29-2010, 07:52 AM
I'm not sure this is worth layperson-psychological-profile-building. They may just not like you, as has been mentioned. So why waste the energy wondering why they're shutting you out? They clearly are, so wouldn't that energy be better spent seeking out people who do like you?

Harleyquiiinn
01-29-2010, 07:58 AM
It is interesting.

I am not sure it has to do with how much they like you or not. I am this kind of group with some of my best friends... Occasionally, we do some efforts when one of them present us his/her new girlfriend but even in that case, it does take us a huge effort...

It's not that we don't want to, but we hang out together so often that we have our private joke and our way to function... It has nothing to do with how much we like the person. Not to mention that all of us have studied law for at least 3 years and law jokes are kind of... hu... special...

My boyfriend doesn't really like to hang out with us because of that, and surely I don't dislike him... my friends like him too...

I had to bear some evenings like that. It takes a lot of effort to try to get into the conversation and I usually hate it... the truth is, sometime, you can't avoid it. I guess the only thing to do is to spend as little time as possible in the place...

bighead384
01-29-2010, 08:01 AM
I'm not sure this is worth layperson-psychological-profile-building. They may just not like you, as has been mentioned. So why waste the energy wondering why they're shutting you out? They clearly are, so wouldn't that energy be better spent seeking out people who do like you?

True, but I've found that you can't always avoid these situations. They pop up here and there. It's probably just a fact of life for the most part, but I just find it unbearable sometimes.

Paint_It_Black
01-29-2010, 08:02 AM
And then even if you try and force in a comment, most of them or all of them ignore you. You don't sense even the slightest bit of inclusiveness.

I bet you long for the days when people just wouldn't give you some damn french fries.

bighead384
01-29-2010, 08:03 AM
I bet you long for the days when people just wouldn't give you some damn french fries.

I checked who was online, and I saw you reading that thread!

Paint_It_Black
01-29-2010, 08:04 AM
Oh cool. If you could do that in real life maybe people would like you.

Paint_It_Black
01-29-2010, 08:09 AM
Ok I'm done pretending to be mean.


Do people feel like they have something with their freinds that makes them feel good, and they become so attached to it that they're scared that mere possibility of someone else joining in could somehow ruin it?

Sometimes, yeah, probably. Other times they just have formed this natural dynamic and it will understandably take time for you to find a way to slip into that in a way which doesn't feel forced. And sometimes they just don't know how to include you, in which case they probably feel as uncomfortable as you do. So in conclusion I'd say there's no definitive answer. It depends.

bighead384
01-29-2010, 08:19 AM
Sometimes, yeah, probably. Other times they just have formed this natural dynamic and it will understandably take time for you to find a way to slip into that in a way which doesn't feel forced. And sometimes they just don't know how to include you, in which case they probably feel as uncomfortable as you do. So in conclusion I'd say there's no definitive answer. It depends.

True. I guess 90 percent of the time it's really just the way things are rather than people being dicks.

Paint_It_Black
01-29-2010, 08:23 AM
Indeed. I would doubt that it's an intentional thing most of the time. And even when it is, insecurity is as likely as just plain dickishness.

WebDudette
01-29-2010, 05:02 PM
When it happens to me it is typically wrong place and the wrong time. If I am at a party and I wander over to a group of friends, they may be caught up in a conversation I have no place in. I'll go talk to someone else and come back later.

When we have parties at my house, it is almost exclusively good friends, every now and then someone will bring a friend or two, which is fine. We do what we can to include them, if we like them. Now they'll be included in the party, that doesn't mean when three of us walk outside to talk about something they'll be included in that. We'll do this to people we like, just because it isn't something they need be involved in.

As far as people we don't like, we'll faux-include them, and then I'll make back handed compliments all night that some of my really good friends will pick up on, but the person won't.

If it is happening outside of a party situation and we like the person, it is usually just because we have no connection with them. We'll introduce ourselves and then go about our discussion, they're welcome to jump in if they'd like, and they'll be recognized if they had something valid to say.