View Full Version : Thank you

09-13-2011, 03:24 PM
I have to tell you guys a bunch of stuff before I can get to the point. I'm sorry in advance if I start to ramble too much.

Last year, on July 26th my best friend, Keith Johnson hung himself from a bridge with a belt. It came on the back of a messy break up with the mother of his child and his dropping out of college. Keith was a part of my family, living in our basement after moving out of the place he had shared with his ex. We were trying to help him get back on his feet but what we didn't know was that he was attempting to self medicate by abusing prescription pain killers. The night he did it, he left a message on her phone and she called the cops worried he would do it. Keith was a bit of a drama queen from time to time and I honestly didn't think he would do anything like that. The cops came to me hoping I could get in touch with him. After numerous phone calls I did get him on the phone. I lectured him about not sending ominous text messages and told him if he was hurting to talk to one of the many people who cared about him, like me. He cried a bit on the phone and swore that everything was alright. According to the coroner, he likely killed himself minutes after hanging up with me. We know that I was the last person on this Earth he talked to. It was/is crushing. It's something that rips me apart to this day. He was 25.

A mutual friend of ours Patrick McDonald, who we called Punion, was a big part of what got me through those days. Punion was always the life of the party and hated to see anyone not having a good time. When Keith died, Punion was about a year and a half into a battle with a rare form of leukemia. Things were looking good, and Punion was young enough (24 years old) that it seemed perfectly reasonable that he would kick ass and take names, that he would be 100% in due time. Then, December of last year his health took a turn for the worse. While his immune system was pretty much non-existent he got an infection in his brain and died. I stumbled around, feeling so numb, so completely out of my mind with grief, having lost what were probably my two closest friends in less than six months.

Gone Away has allowed me to emotionally purge, to feel like I'm not crazy, to feel like I'm not alone in the way I feel. (I know I sound like some overly dramatic turd, I'm sure.) I can't think of words to better describe exactly how I feel, how I felt, that the lyrics to Gone Away.

The song makes me think of them both and how much I miss them. The pain never gets better. There will always be a huge empty place left from losing them. But little things help, little things like this song.

Thanks to the guys, if they read this forum.

09-13-2011, 08:17 PM
Very nice tribute bud. Thanks for sharing!

Flaming Skull
09-14-2011, 04:40 AM
Woah, it's hard to say something after reading something like this. It's so tragic that there are no words, anything one could say may seem superficial.
Anyway, please don't absolutely think something like "I sound like some overly dramatic turd". Losing a dear relative or a close friend (or, even worse, two in your case) is the worst pain anyone can experience in the whole life, and a really hard pain to pass through. And, sadly, a wound that will never be healed, an empty that will never be filled. Time surely will help a bit (as the time passes, the less you'll think of that...I mean that it will be easier to think of something else and the sad moments won't be the main part of the day - I hope I explained this properly) but the memory of who's not with us anymore is and always will be part of us. I lost one of my best friends 12 years ago and I'll miss him forever, but I can't say that the pain is as big as the first months after the tragedy, time helps but that doesn't mean you care less about them. They'll always be in your memories no matter how much you're happy or sad, or thinking about them, as of course you don't need to be always and forever sad to be really missing them, it's just part of life. Life goes on, but they'll always be with you, even if unfortunately not phisically...

And yes, Music helps a lot. To get happy, to distract from life's shit, or to explain feelings and get a little relief by that.

I really hope someone from the band reads your message!
Be strong, I wish you can get through this hard time in the best way possible! :)

09-14-2011, 12:51 PM
Thanks to those who've replied.

I felt the need to say something which was why I came here.

This Sunday we are finally burying Punion. The funeral in December was hard but I was still numb then. Having to face this all again has reopened the wounds that felt like they were finally getting tolerable.

They were both just so G-d damn young. I'm not that much older, at 31, but I feel like they both missed out on so much. Keith grew up without a Dad, and it kills me to think his daughter will too. Punion didn't even have kids. He had a girlfriend that he planned to propose to after he beat his cancer. She didn't know and was crushed when she found out after he died.

Gone Away is in regular rotation this week, and will be for some time to come.

09-14-2011, 01:02 PM
This will sound the most dramatic of it all, but when my friend was very sick, I was a little afraid to listen to Gone Away, felt weird when it started and skipped every time. My ' favourite' 'loss song' is The End of the Line, but still.
I'm very sorry for your loss.

Flaming Skull
09-16-2011, 09:25 AM
Today is the 13th anniversary of the death of one of my best friends. I'm dedicating him "Gone Away". September 16th is always an hard day since then (of course not only this day, but expecially this since it's the exact date), it's a pain that will never end completely.

09-18-2011, 04:45 PM
you need to keep on and try to leave part of it behind..
i listen Gonw Away and it's one of my favourite songs because I lost some special persons before some parties..
my grandfather before christmas
my other grandfather before my birthday
my grandmother just a week ago, before independence's day
and i can continue the list..
so i can tell you that you need to think everything and try to get over it..