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Alison
11-13-2011, 03:20 PM
I'm writing an essay at the moment, but there's one sentence in it that just does not sound right:

It can be more correctly identified as a transliteration of the Old Saxon Genesis, as for the most part, in the twenty-six lines available for comparison, it is strictly word for word and does not deviate very much from the original.

Should there be another comma after "as" so that it would be:

It can be more correctly identified as a transliteration of the Old Saxon Genesis, as, for the most part, in the twenty-six lines available for comparison, it is strictly word for word and does not deviate very much from the original.

Or is the original fine?

Llamas
11-13-2011, 03:53 PM
Lotsa commas going on here. My advice:

It can be more correctly identified as a transliteration of the Old Saxon Genesis; for the most part, in the twenty-six lines available for comparison, it is strictly word-for-word and does not deviate very much from the original.

- using the semi-colon allows you to remove the "as" and makes the whole thing a bit more comfortable.

- "word for word" is correct if it comes after a noun or is an adverb, but here it's an adjective, so you need hyphens.

:)

Static_Martyr
11-13-2011, 04:59 PM
It can be more correctly identified as a transliteration of the Old Saxon Genesis, as for the most part, in the twenty-six lines available for comparison, it is strictly word for word and does not deviate very much from the original.

Llamas is correct as well regarding the semicolon, but if you want to leave it the way it is without rearranging too much, just put the comma after "as" and get rid of the comma right before it, so it reads:


It can be more correctly identified as a transliteration of the Old Saxon Genesis as, for the most part, in the...

"As" in this case is interchangeable with "because." You would say, "it is correctly identified....because for the most part, in the twenty-six lines available, it is strictly word for word..." So in that case you could also use "as" without the comma sandwich effect.

As for "word for word," I second the notion that it should be hyphenated ("word-for-word").

Alison
11-14-2011, 02:10 AM
Thanks guys!

The Talking Pie
11-14-2011, 11:01 AM
I agree with the semicolon point. However, I would separate the bit after the 'as' section by using either em dashes or square brackets, thusly:

"It can be more correctly identified as a transliteration of the Old Saxon Genesis; for the most part — in the twenty-six lines available for comparison — it is strictly word-for-word and does not deviate very much from the original."

or

"It can be more correctly identified as a transliteration of the Old Saxon Genesis; for the most part [in the twenty-six lines available for comparison] it is strictly word-for-word and does not deviate very much from the original."

Jojan
11-14-2011, 02:47 PM
I would write it like this:

It can be more correctly identified as a transliteration of the Old Saxon Genesis. For the most part, it is strictly translated word by word, and does not deviate very much from the original in comparison to the twenty-six lines available.