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Harleyquiiinn
02-15-2012, 10:06 AM
I realize that I am dumb when it comes to this.

I consider myself as a pretty smart person in some ways. Maybe, I can even call myself a Big City Intellectual (after all, I live in a Big City, and I am definitely an intellectual. The funniest jokes I make, only 0.0005 of the french population can understand and maybe 8 % of my closest friends. If that doesn't make me an arrogant elitist, what does ?). My years as a student were a success, I never failed anything of importance, and I am pretty good in what I do).

But I have trouble understanding social interractions. I have no social intelligence. This shows very well at my workplace. I do not understand work relations.

To me, either you act like a friend or not. I don't really understand how the colleague thing work. When I hear about gossip, most of the time, I never even suspected there was a weird situations in the first place.

After 6 months, I begin to realize that "oh this guy can be an asshole sometime, don't you think ?" and people look at me with a "duh !" look that is kind of annoying.

Also, I have no idea how to treat my subordinates. Not that I am a big boss or anything, but I have an intern and some assistants that work for the whole firm and I have no idea how to tell them to do stuff for me without feeling, or sometime being, a complete asshole.

Which has an annoying consequence : I do much more by myself than the colleague who shares my office and does exactly what I do.

With my friends, same thing. I am very good at sarcasm, but I have trouble understanding it. I'm never sure it is.

What I completely don't understand is that this lack of intelligence is only a problem for personnal stuff. When it is for clients, I suddenly understand everything, immediately. I am very good at analyzing real situations out of 3 pieces of paper...

Anyway, I feel it is a little bit of a handicap in my everyday life. I really feel like a retard sometime when we go out for lunch.

Does anyone here have the same problem ? Did you have it and resolve it ? You have that problem and you don't care ? You are a big city intellectual or/and an arrogant douchebag so you don't even realize you have that problem ?

Baldwin
02-15-2012, 10:19 AM
Oh hey I used to have the same problem, then I read the wikipedia article on Aspergers and diagnosed myself. It turns out I'm just actually really unique and super-smart.

Harleyquiiinn
02-15-2012, 10:22 AM
Nah, I read that, and it's really not it. I am a very sociable and friendly person actually.


Oh wait, was it sarcasm ? :confused: :D

Edit: Yeah, re-reading myself, I see how you could have think this was "hey look, I'm special and unique message and I feel weird. I need someone to tell me this, because actually I'm not, but I'd like to read that I am anyway".

But yeah, no that's not what I meant. When I say "handicap", it's just that I would like things to be a little more natural sometime. I don't actually have real problems because of it. It's just that sometime I feel like I'm Joey. Only with social interractions.

And it seems weird to me to be smart, to know it, and not to understand human strategy.

killer_queen
02-15-2012, 10:35 AM
I've recently realized that I'm freaking awesome when it comes to social skills. I used to be quite awkward on my teenage years but now I can be the heart and soul of any kind of crowd. Even though I have a terrible sense of humor I can make any kind of crowd laugh. I hate meeting with new people but when I do I start to hear things like "let's be bbfs!!" in an hour. I can recognize assholes without actually talking to them and usually people come to me two months later saying "you were so right about him".

I know I'm bragging shamelessly but I'm a very likable person. My family loves me, I'm great with old people and children; I often get free desserts at restaurants because waiters think I'm adorable, professors give me higher grades than I deserve because I notice they got a haircut. I discovered that people rarely care about what you say as long as you say it with a big smile.

Baldwin
02-15-2012, 10:38 AM
I'm going to assume that at some point between being socially inept and being socially awesome, you just happened to coincidently grow boobs, which is a totally unrelated phenomena.

killer_queen
02-15-2012, 10:54 AM
Actually I think they shrank a little over the past few now that you mention it. Maybe small boobs is the new big boobs.

yarock
02-15-2012, 10:56 AM
When being into new places I usually try to get one only friend that will alert me about rumors and stuff that I care to know. I don't know if you have close friends at your workplace but if I don't get that one friend I'll end up like you till I find my congenial.

Isolated Fury
02-15-2012, 11:03 AM
Actually I think they shrank a little over the past few now that you mention it. Maybe small boobs is the new big boobs.
Pics or it didn't happen.

Jebus
02-15-2012, 12:09 PM
Gulsah! The world demands to know! Are you still a virgin?

killer_queen
02-15-2012, 12:24 PM
How could you ask that? You know I'm saving it for you.

Jakebert
02-15-2012, 01:37 PM
I used to be retarded when it came to social skills. I went to a high school with a graduating class of 93 people, all of whom I knew really well. My community was really insular and didn't give much social experience outside of that, so when I got to college I was terrible at meeting new people or navigating the "grown up" world. I even had trouble doing things like ordering take out, because I was so used to knowing people at the take out places back home.

I joined a fraternity later in my freshman year and it's helped a lot. Most of my friends are social butterflies and I learned a lot just from hanging out with them. I learned pretty quickly that the same social rules apply whether or not you know someone, and that it's not hard to be comfortable around people you don't know, so I got over that fear of meeting people. I'm still pretty quiet for the most part, but now it stems more from just a natural disposition than from shyness. This does have the habit of making me seem unapproachable though.

In a single semester my freshman year I went from being socially retarded to being socially competent, and now I'd argue that I'm more socially intelligent than a large chunk of my peers. Some of this is just age- as you get older you get better. But some of it is just because I've been thrown into so many social situations that are out of the ordinary for people my age (meeting executive directors of large charities, meeting professors and faculty on a personal level, having to give speeches in front of audiences of 500+, etc.) that I've gotten a lot of practice.

UgLy_eLf
02-18-2012, 11:18 PM
We're supposed to make small talk at work and its hard when you simply dont give a FUCK about what the other person is saying. Bleh I like such a small portion of the population its difficult to function.

T-6005
02-19-2012, 12:43 AM
C'est la France.

Honestly, it kind of is. Every French relative I have has suddenly gotten fairly deeply into a very North American sense of the world, while highlighting all of things that keep them French at the same time. It's assimilation disguised as mockery.

It's a cultural invasion which is in every sense non-comparable to when Claude Francois turned "It's the Same Old Song" into "C'est La Meme Chanson." Sarkozy recently had a discussion on how he feels about gay marriage. Great.

You're not socially awkward. Hell, my French is terrible, but if you hit Toronto and I took you out we'd have a grand old time. But you're dealing with people who pretend to understand behavioral norms and you're confused by the apparent inconsistencies. It isn't weird. It's how everyone I know should have reacted.

jacknife737
02-19-2012, 08:30 PM
When i turned 20, i took a huge leap in terms of social intelligence/maturity, but that said, even though i really don't have any problems at all with small talk, i still hate making it with people who i never know/will probably never see again. I'd rather just sit in silence than talk about mundane things.

Harleyquiiinn
02-20-2012, 01:42 AM
C'est la France.

Honestly, it kind of is. Every French relative I have has suddenly gotten fairly deeply into a very North American sense of the world, while highlighting all of things that keep them French at the same time. It's assimilation disguised as mockery.

It's a cultural invasion which is in every sense non-comparable to when Claude Francois turned "It's the Same Old Song" into "C'est La Meme Chanson." Sarkozy recently had a discussion on how he feels about gay marriage. Great.

You're not socially awkward. Hell, my French is terrible, but if you hit Toronto and I took you out we'd have a grand old time. But you're dealing with people who pretend to understand behavioral norms and you're confused by the apparent inconsistencies. It isn't weird. It's how everyone I know should have reacted.


So you say that my feeling comes from a sort of globalization of minds ? That would make sense since I have felt that way only for a few years...

Jakebert> I have the opposite feeling : the older I get, the worse I am at this. But it is true though, and I didn't think about this, that I am getting better with the people who used to intimidate me, namely academicians, fellow lawyers or judges.
Are you still in college ?

Jakebert
02-20-2012, 12:41 PM
Yeah I'm still in college. For all I know everything I've done right in the past year will end when I graduate and I start from square one.