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Lord Phidias
02-16-2012, 11:19 PM
It appears she doesn't want to have sex anymore. I feel weird and stupid addressing this kind of issue to the forum, but I feel even weirder when I think about talking about this with my close acquaintances, but well, this issue has been wandering in my mind for some weeks now, so, maybe if I post it here I can clarify this situation in my head...

Well, these are the antecedents: my girlftriend and I met and started dating 10 months ago and then became bf and gf like a couple of months after that, and things were going pretty well (still are, with its ups and downs), we had sex a couple of weeks after we formalized the relationship and then we did it periodically, which was great, after that we both talked about our experience and likes and that stuff, she was actively sexual, with her old bf's and some other encounters with other people, me with my past gf and several one night stands, point is, she was more active than me sexually and as aknowledged by her, she liked sex and fooling around and she was quite precocious, so our sex life was great, but it's been like 4 months since we stopped having sex regularly, having an average of one or two encounters per month, or less.

Now, there are some factors in this ecuation, we used to have sex mostly in my home, but since mother kicked me out until I got a serious job or was in school (yes, I'm 24 and haven't finished college and lived with my mom and sis), and she took a semester off, so she had nothing to do and I was between jobs, se we saw each other a lot and used to have too much sex, wich was good. Then, with the same circumstances, sex was becoming less frequent, but it was fine, because not everything in a relationship is sex, but I noticed the frequence was decreasing, so I asked what was wrong, or what had changed, and she said nothing, everything was perfect and she loved me, but she had not much sex drive, that it was normal and it had happened to her before, but now that I think about it, it's been like that since then, but now dramatically less, because as aI said before, I'm not at home anymore and she is now studying. But well, when we see each other, you can manage to at least have a quicky, because you haven't seen your partner and you miss him/her, and you are young and hot for the other and like to share that experience with the beloved one, but it's not that way...

Ok, maybe she can be tired, or with other things in her mind, and it's fine, it's not like she has to provide me a service, but I miss that part of the relationship... yes, sometimes she asks me if I wanna do it, because she feels like it, but I don't know, I can sense something, it's the general mood, I don't know how to explain it, I just know.

I trust she is not cheating on me, because she is a 19 yr old, lives with her parents and she can't drive because her parents grounded her car for a year, and thei are overprotective and she doesn't go freely wherever she wants, anyway, that's not the problem. In recent days I've asked her if it was me, if she didn't find me attractive anymore or whatever, and she has told me that it's not that, it's just that she doesn't feel "fit" for having sex (not fit of "fitness", though she has gained a little weight and she feels fat), and that she feels that she started having sex too young and she liked it, but now she thinks she's had too much and it's not her time for having sex, and I tell her that ok, but she is in a relationship with a man that loves her, cherishes her, looks out for her, respects her in every way and all that, and she is supposedly in love and should be all around me, like I do with her.

Don't get me wrong, the other aspects of our relationship are fine, though we've had some difficulties in the past because of some behaviours she has had that I don't support, or that have affected me, or some issues she has had when I had to comfort her, ragarding her friends and parents, or her stupid ex bf who is a dick and hates her (long story, but please don't coment about this particular issue, it would deserve another thread and it does not worry me because we've talked about it and she is over that and I am a very serious person). Some highlights are that she used to have sex with him because she felt it was the only way she could connect with that idiotic kid who mistrated her.

Anyways, my english is rusty and I have so many things in my head regarding this topic, and there is so much to be said, but I would like that aspect of our relationship to come back... I really don't know what to do, wait for her appetite to come back, talk about it...

An hour ago I expressed her my feelings toward it, she recognized her lack of interest in having sex and she said she didn't know why she didn't want to do it like when we were meeting each other, then I started to go deeper and she got a bit mad and asked me not to put preassure on her, I told her I wasn't, she responded that I was trying to fix it and that I would like it to be like before, I said that I wasn't trying to fix anything, that I just wanted to understand and that maybe yes, I would like it to be more often, and that maybe we could or should talk about it, but she told me she didn't want to think or talk about it, and that it was only sex and it wasn't an issue, or was it? I told her it wan't, but after this point, I'm not sure what to do, I could let it go, but what if she doesn't want to have sex at all anymore? I am a man and I like her a lot, since I met her I feel like a teen again, all those hormones came back... I really really want to be with her, and I really really want to express my urges towards her... I'm lost now, so, any questions/ideas/suggestions that would help me clarify this in my head and/or help me get in the shag again?

Sorry for the long post, I intended it to be very shorter, but all these words came out... please read my thread!!

Harleyquiiinn
02-17-2012, 01:08 AM
Here is how I see this:

What do you want more ? Sex or being with her ?

Because we can talk for hours about potential reasons she wouldn't want to have sex as often as she used to but the fact is : she doesn't want to have sex as often as she used to and if you pressure her (which you do, even if you don't feel like you do), you are going to end up losing her.

But the reason is clear when I read your message: Indeed, it has nothing to do with you. I think most girls (please, other people of the said gender, correct me if I'm wrong) needs an empty head to really enjoy sex. And it seems to me that your girlfriend, currently, simply doesn't. So rather than having a lot of sex and not loving it all the time, she chooses the right time.

The variable that changed before and after is : time. Less time, less sex.

Defender
02-17-2012, 01:40 AM
Maybe there is something she is afraid of. Try to find the key to her thoughts about it and about you. As you say, her parents are overprotective... Maybe they have been the "creators" of this.

samseby
02-17-2012, 05:35 AM
Could be all or could be nothing ...

- She just doesn't want to have sex because she gained some weight.
- The "first thrill" is gone.
- Sex is not her No1 at the moment ...
- Could be her way of "goodbye" without actually saying goodbye and you breaking up sooner or later.

And yeah, sure, talking again and again and trying to find reasons is "pushing".

Just give it some time and see what happens. ;)

Isolated Fury
02-17-2012, 06:10 AM
Harley's right. Don't be a prick just because you want to put your Mr. Peeper in her hoo-hoo-dilly. Consider what is more important to you. If you really care about the girl, show it. Don't badger her about sex. At that age, she has an insane amount of thoughts flying through her head. She doesn't need another wrench thrown in.

Then again, if you just want to fuck, break up with her and slam some random bar-slut. Whichever is more important to you, do it. Relationship? Commit. Hanky panky? Take a trip to Plow Town with a stranger. More power to you, man. Be confident in the decision you make. Otherwise, you'll second guess yourself and be a little bitch. And that could lead to HER breaking up with YOU or you cheating on her and lying about it.

Don't be a dick. Commit or Plow Town. Just be honest and pick one.

Llamas
02-17-2012, 06:45 AM
First of all, I don't know you, but from this post, you're giving signs of being a pretty good boyfriend. You care enough to try to figure out what's going on with her, and it seems that you're motivated by more than just having sex - it's surely a factor, but you seem concerned about her well-being, which is great.

That said, in all your kindness and concern, my top piece of advice would be to back off. Most people absolutely would not want to have it brought up a lot, because it makes them feel pressured and even like you're upset about it (no matter how you word it, no matter your intentions... if she's already stressing about something, it'll just add to it). I'd recommend not asking her about it for at least a month, and only having sex with her when she asks. If she feels pressured at all, it could very, very well push her away to a point where she *does* break up just because she's overwhelmed.

It doesn't sound to *me* like she wants to break up, but I only know your account, and obviously I'm not there and don't know either of you. But from what you've said, it doesn't sound at all like she wants to break up. Not having sex when things seem otherwise to be going well is usually not a sign of that. Like Harley said, sex for women is quite a mental thing. I don't know how often it's like that for men, but in my personal experience, I know that when I'm stressed about something or my mind is elsewhere/distracted, I go through a serious dry spell. Just can't get in the mood or anything.

Isolated Fury
02-17-2012, 07:00 AM
That said, in all your kindness and concern, my top piece of advice would be to back off. Most people absolutely would not want to have it brought up a lot, because it makes them feel pressured and even like you're upset about it (no matter how you word it, no matter your intentions... if she's already stressing about something, it'll just add to it). I'd recommend not asking her about it for at least a month, and only having sex with her when she asks. If she feels pressured at all, it could very, very well push her away to a point where she *does* break up just because she's overwhelmed.
Probably the only advice you should take.

disclaimer_07
02-17-2012, 09:58 AM
It is difficult to give good advice on this because any conclusions we may draw are based solely on your perspective but up to this point I agree wholeheartedly with llamas. Don't put pressure on her, don't ask what's wrong or if she still loves you, don't try to go out of your way to make things the way they were before. Try not to create problems where there aren't any. It never worked for me. Plus if she's only 19, then she's still really young and there might be a lot of things going on in hear head. Maybe she feels lost, but that doesn't have to mean she doesn't want you anymore even if she doesn't want to have sex with you that often. Perhaps she's come to realize that sex isn't the most important aspect of a healthy relationship or she's simply not in the mood (maybe she's worried about something and she doesn't want to tell you). People go through different phases in their lives and their priorities change as well over time. A serious relationship can't be built around sex. Anyhow, the way I see it, give her some space for now, try not to control her, do your best in everything else and just see how it goes. Save your relationship while it still can be saved. Don't try to push the limits to see how far they'll go.

Baldwin
02-17-2012, 10:10 AM
The only "awkward situation" is that you're 24 and you're dating a teenager.

Everyone who posted before me is wrong. You're 24 years old, unemployed with no prospect of ever being employed, you're basically homeless, and you're wondering why a teenage girl is turning cold on you? It's because she's maturing into an adult and is figuring out that you're one of those creepy guys who dates teenagers because women your own age aren't stupid enough to let you put anything in them.

mrconeman
02-17-2012, 12:25 PM
How the fuck did I miss that when reading this.

KickHimWhenHe'sDown
02-17-2012, 01:22 PM
19 years old is a teenager? You're legally an adult and can smoke/drink/vote/do anything an adult can when you turn 18 in Canada. I thought that was kind of common in most other places.

And yeah, that blurb was a bit too much info.

jacknife737
02-17-2012, 04:01 PM
The clitoris, learn to find that shit.

AllIn All It's Not So Bad
02-17-2012, 04:50 PM
The clitoris, learn to find that shit.

No, no, no, it's the G-spot, bro. He has to learn how to find THAT shit

nieh
02-17-2012, 05:10 PM
You guys are all such noobs when it comes to pleasing a lady. Obviously it's all about their prostate.

Llamas
02-17-2012, 05:41 PM
The only "awkward situation" is that you're 24 and you're dating a teenager.

Everyone who posted before me is wrong. You're 24 years old, unemployed with no prospect of ever being employed, you're basically homeless, and you're wondering why a teenage girl is turning cold on you? It's because she's maturing into an adult and is figuring out that you're one of those creepy guys who dates teenagers because women your own age aren't stupid enough to let you put anything in them.

Totally missed that, actually. A 24 yo dating a 19 yo is... kinda off. She just might be around that age where she's growing up and realizing things, for sure. But if not, my advice applies.


You guys are all such noobs when it comes to pleasing a lady. Obviously it's all about their prostate.
I'm glad you said it, cause us ladies are embarrassed to admit it :(

Baldwin
02-18-2012, 09:18 AM
No, going back over what he's written and I'm fairly confident I've called it right.


we've had some difficulties in the past because of some behaviours she has had that I don't support, or that have affected me, or some issues she has had when I had to comfort her, ragarding her friends and parents, or her stupid ex bf who is a dick and hates her .... Some highlights are that she used to have sex with him because she felt it was the only way she could connect with that idiotic kid who mistrated her.

So, a teenage girl just leaving an unhappy relationship with a guy her own age, mainly due to the only connection between them being sexual. If I had to guess, I'd say the male party was far less interested in her than he was in getting laid. Typical teenage stuff, right? But ending a failed relationship of that nature, it absolutely primes her for an older man to swoop in and play the "sensitive and considerate" angle, and grab her up with empty words like "love", "cherish" and "respect".


but she is in a relationship with a man that loves her, cherishes her, looks out for her, respects her in every way and all that

And there they are. I'll make one thing clear, this is not the way people talk about partners they genuinely love. This is the way people talk about partners they're desperately trying to convince themselves or others that they love. This is how politicians talk about their sham marriages, how millionaires talk about their trophy wives, how closeted homosexuals talk about their beards.

See, if you're a sexual deviant and so desperately ashamed of that fact that you're willing to put on a sham relationship, these are the words you'll repeat to yourself like a fucking mantra. "I love her", "I cherish her,", "I respect her as a person.". See, if you're in a normal, healthy relationship you might very well feel this way, but since you don't have to constantly repeat it to yourself, you don't lose your sense of perspective so badly that you can't see when such words are appropriate to say out loud, and when they're not (and they're almost always not)

So, in your hypothetical deviant mind you're repeating these words, over and over again, until they become normal and appropriate words in your mind, and next thing you know you're describing your relationship by jumping up and down on Oprah's couch. And it seems totally normal to you, because in your tireless effort to convince yourself that you love the vagina instead of crude sketches you've drawn of Val Kilmer with a tentacle-penis, you've conditioned yourself into believing that overcompensation and overstating your feelings is normal.

See, I'm not saying Lord Phallus knows he's a predatory sex-offender who preys on the insecurities, immaturity and emotional instability of teenage girls. I'm fairly certain he's conditioned himself into believing otherwise, that he's found a "love connection" where the age difference doesn't matter, because he truly loves and cherishes this girl, and respects her as a human being. The capacity of people to delude themselves is truly that great.

So anyways, my advice to him would be ; accept that your girlfriend is growing into a woman, and has already realised that there's something fundamentally wrong and creepy with you, even if she hasn't quite managed to understand the cause of those feelings yet. You have a decision to make ; either go troll for another confused teenager, or re-evaluate your life and make the extensive changes required to attract a mature woman.

UgLy_eLf
02-18-2012, 08:24 PM
Its not awkward Im in the same situation but I am the female.
I have been in a relationship for 5 years, we've been living together for 4. While I am ready to move to the next step buying a house and getting engaged, he is NOWHERE NEAR THERE. I am 5 years younger, and have the means to buy my own home. He has no credit, a part time (2 day week job) and is going to school. When he gets his hands on any money he spends it on himself even though I pay the bills and all other expenses (groceries, going out etc) While sex is always amazing, its hardly worth it when you feel that your significant other is not on the same page, or selfish or simply doesnt care for or understand your side of the relationship. How can I want to have sex with that person? If I just wanted sex I wouldnt be in a relationship I'd be a bar slut like the others mentioned. While I love the guy I just dont feel its fair to him not to be physically intimate or if we should even continue to be together. I think about finding my own bar slut every other day but just am not the cheating type.

Your girlfriend is farther ahead than you are

Sometimes I think women get bored of men WAY faster than men get bored of women.

Baldwin
02-18-2012, 08:40 PM
Sometimes I think women get bored of financially supporting the useless WAY faster than men get bored of getting laid and living for free.

Fixed it for you.

UgLy_eLf
02-18-2012, 09:03 PM
Thanks .

UgLy_eLf
02-18-2012, 09:05 PM
And I completely agree

Llamas
02-18-2012, 09:09 PM
Its not awkward Im in the same situation but I am the female.
I have been in a relationship for 5 years, we've been living together for 4. While I am ready to move to the next step buying a house and getting engaged, he is NOWHERE NEAR THERE. I am 5 years younger, and have the means to buy my own home. He has no credit, a part time (2 day week job) and is going to school. When he gets his hands on any money he spends it on himself even though I pay the bills and all other expenses (groceries, going out etc) While sex is always amazing, its hardly worth it when you feel that your significant other is not on the same page, or selfish or simply doesnt care for or understand your side of the relationship. How can I want to have sex with that person? If I just wanted sex I wouldnt be in a relationship I'd be a bar slut like the others mentioned. While I love the guy I just dont feel its fair to him not to be physically intimate or if we should even continue to be together. I think about finding my own bar slut every other day but just am not the cheating type.

Uhh... why the fuck are you in this relationship? Sounds like complacency or fear of change. Why the hell would you want to marry a guy with no financial responsibility, who's selfish, and clearly doesn't care about you much at all? Plus, he's five years older and that far behind??


Sometimes I think women get bored of men WAY faster than men get bored of women.

Wow, what a ridiculous blanket statement. I'd get sick of a person, man or woman, REAL quick if they were like your boyfriend.

Little_Miss_1565
02-18-2012, 09:09 PM
It's about 5 minutes past time to dump that motherfucker, Ugly Elf. Time for someone who adds to your life.

UgLy_eLf
02-18-2012, 09:24 PM
I really do agree, I've pretty much found myself in the same old stagnant circle of bullshit for years. I am a person that is completely content with repetition, I like sameness I am aware of that too. Life is just easier when you know what the fuck will happen a week a month or a year from now. While boring its just easier that way. I'll change, I just don't know when or how just quite yet.

Llamas
02-19-2012, 04:33 AM
Sorry if my comment was kind of harsh, I was a bit cranky when I made it. I do stand by what I said, but in a nicer tone. I don't know you one bit, but I can't imagine how you can be content with repetition - especially of that sort. I think I'd be too pissed all the time, haha. "Why does he deserve to be with me and have me take care of his ass all the time??" People in his position often just expect the other person to always just be there... which sounds fairly accurate at this point for him.

I sincerely can't imagine it being easier knowing that in a week, a year, a decade from now you'll still be unhappy supporting this bastard, than to have an open future full of possibilities that you'll meet someone who will sweep you off your feet and just be fabulous!

UgLy_eLf
02-19-2012, 09:05 PM
It sucks when emotions/feelings are involved because it makes it so much harder to make decisions that will favor your life over your significant others. It wasn't always like this, he got into hard times after being laid off and decided to go to school while he was on unemployment. He was extremely shy and wouldn't let me buy anything for the first year. Then as he got more lazy and content with my supporting us, things just spun out of control. Yes I AM angry all of the time and he is always asking why. Rather stupid question when I indirectly let him know I'm tired of buying every thing around the house. At this point I really don't know if he just doesn't GET IT, or doesn't care. In dire need of a serious discussion and final decision. Things aren't as black and white as they seem, on the surface I am ready to move on, but on the inside its hard to fathom leaving someone I love because of the money.

Lord Phidias
02-19-2012, 10:00 PM
Thanks for all your feedback. I don't know if I want to keep discussing this, but I reply to most comments just to clarify some stuff.

Other thing, if we want to discuss Ugly Elf's situation, let's make another thread, please. I didn't intend this thread, started by me, to discuss oher peoples situations. We can do that, I'm open to it and can add my opinion, but, in another thread please...


First of all, I don't know you, but from this post, you're giving signs of being a pretty good boyfriend. You care enough to try to figure out what's going on with her, and it seems that you're motivated by more than just having sex - it's surely a factor, but you seem concerned about her well-being, which is great.


I really am. I consider myself a good person, and so does my acquaintances, and yes, I get concerned about her, she has experienced some situations and has done some stupid things in the past (not with me), that messed up with her thoughts and her mind and it's not that I'm codependent, because most of the time she is great and we have an awesome relationship and she makes me feel so good, I love her, even if she is a teenager, I'll get into that later...



That said, in all your kindness and concern, my top piece of advice would be to back off. Most people absolutely would not want to have it brought up a lot, because it makes them feel pressured and even like you're upset about it (no matter how you word it, no matter your intentions... if she's already stressing about something, it'll just add to it). I'd recommend not asking her about it for at least a month, and only having sex with her when she asks. If she feels pressured at all, it could very, very well push her away to a point where she *does* break up just because she's overwhelmed.

It doesn't sound to *me* like she wants to break up, but I only know your account, and obviously I'm not there and don't know either of you. But from what you've said, it doesn't sound at all like she wants to break up. Not having sex when things seem otherwise to be going well is usually not a sign of that. Like Harley said, sex for women is quite a mental thing. I don't know how often it's like that for men, but in my personal experience, I know that when I'm stressed about something or my mind is elsewhere/distracted, I go through a serious dry spell. Just can't get in the mood or anything.

I will just back off, and see how it develops...


Don't try to push the limits to see how far they'll go.

Won't do.


19 years old is a teenager? You're legally an adult and can smoke/drink/vote/do anything an adult can when you turn 18 in Canada. I thought that was kind of common in most other places.


Same here in Mexico.


The clitoris, learn to find that shit.

Found it.


No, no, no, it's the G-spot, bro. He has to learn how to find THAT shit

Found it, according to her, but felt weird.




Its not awkward Im in the same situation but I am the female.
I have been in a relationship for 5 years, we've been living together for 4. While I am ready to move to the next step buying a house and getting engaged, he is NOWHERE NEAR THERE. I am 5 years younger, and have the means to buy my own home. He has no credit, a part time (2 day week job) and is going to school. When he gets his hands on any money he spends it on himself even though I pay the bills and all other expenses (groceries, going out etc) While sex is always amazing, its hardly worth it when you feel that your significant other is not on the same page, or selfish or simply doesnt care for or understand your side of the relationship. How can I want to have sex with that person? If I just wanted sex I wouldnt be in a relationship I'd be a bar slut like the others mentioned. While I love the guy I just dont feel its fair to him not to be physically intimate or if we should even continue to be together. I think about finding my own bar slut every other day but just am not the cheating type.

Your girlfriend is farther ahead than you are

Sometimes I think women get bored of men WAY faster than men get bored of women.

Well, she told be she got bored of 2 other guys before me, so I try to keep her interested with things we do, and solving my issues, for my own sake.


Harley's right. Don't be a prick just because you want to put your Mr. Peeper in her hoo-hoo-dilly. Consider what is more important to you. If you really care about the girl, show it. Don't badger her about sex. At that age, she has an insane amount of thoughts flying through her head. She doesn't need another wrench thrown in.

Then again, if you just want to fuck, break up with her and slam some random bar-slut. Whichever is more important to you, do it. Relationship? Commit. Hanky panky? Take a trip to Plow Town with a stranger. More power to you, man. Be confident in the decision you make. Otherwise, you'll second guess yourself and be a little bitch. And that could lead to HER breaking up with YOU or you cheating on her and lying about it.

Don't be a dick. Commit or Plow Town. Just be honest and pick one.

Yeah, dude, thanks, honesty and truth is the most importance asset in everything, at least for me.


Could be all or could be nothing ...

- She just doesn't want to have sex because she gained some weight.
- The "first thrill" is gone.
- Sex is not her No1 at the moment ...
- Could be her way of "goodbye" without actually saying goodbye and you breaking up sooner or later.

And yeah, sure, talking again and again and trying to find reasons is "pushing".

Just give it some time and see what happens. ;)

I think this is the wisest thing to do... but what keeps me awake at nights is if this situation is a glipse of the end of the relationship in the far or near future... and not beacuse of sex, but because of ther things... But yes, I will just give her some time, not even mentioning anything related to that.


Here is how I see this:

What do you want more ? Sex or being with her ?

Because we can talk for hours about potential reasons she wouldn't want to have sex as often as she used to but the fact is : she doesn't want to have sex as often as she used to and if you pressure her (which you do, even if you don't feel like you do), you are going to end up losing her.

But the reason is clear when I read your message: Indeed, it has nothing to do with you. I think most girls (please, other people of the said gender, correct me if I'm wrong) needs an empty head to really enjoy sex. And it seems to me that your girlfriend, currently, simply doesn't. So rather than having a lot of sex and not loving it all the time, she chooses the right time.

The variable that changed before and after is : time. Less time, less sex.

I'm not sure if it has nothing to do with me, in the core... that's what keeps me a little anxious... and there's something that tells me that it's not just the time variable what's keepeng her from having sex.


Maybe there is something she is afraid of. Try to find the key to her thoughts about it and about you. As you say, her parents are overprotective... Maybe they have been the "creators" of this.

Nah, it's not that, they even buy her contraceptive pills... lucky me.

Lord Phidias
02-19-2012, 10:04 PM
The only "awkward situation" is that you're 24 and you're dating a teenager.

Everyone who posted before me is wrong. You're 24 years old, unemployed with no prospect of ever being employed, you're basically homeless, and you're wondering why a teenage girl is turning cold on you? It's because she's maturing into an adult and is figuring out that you're one of those creepy guys who dates teenagers because women your own age aren't stupid enough to let you put anything in them.

Ok, first troll of the thread. Now, you have a point here, but as llamas said before, she doesn't know me, neither do you... I'm 24 yo, made quite bad desitioins in my life and now I'm in this situation, it sucks, but is where I am and I am working on moving on this lame shit and fix my life, not that you care...


So, a teenage girl just leaving an unhappy relationship with a guy her own age, mainly due to the only connection between them being sexual. If I had to guess, I'd say the male party was far less interested in her than he was in getting laid. Typical teenage stuff, right? But ending a failed relationship of that nature, it absolutely primes her for an older man to swoop in and play the "sensitive and considerate" angle, and grab her up with empty words like "love", "cherish" and "respect".

You guess wrong, she broke up with that kid because he was a pathetic little prick. She is with me because I'm not a stupid teenager and I treat her right and am fun and sensitive and much much more.


And there they are. I'll make one thing clear, this is not the way people talk about partners they genuinely love. This is the way people talk about partners they're desperately trying to convince themselves or others that they love. This is how politicians talk about their sham marriages, how millionaires talk about their trophy wives, how closeted homosexuals talk about their beards.

See, if you're a sexual deviant and so desperately ashamed of that fact that you're willing to put on a sham relationship, these are the words you'll repeat to yourself like a fucking mantra. "I love her", "I cherish her,", "I respect her as a person.". See, if you're in a normal, healthy relationship you might very well feel this way, but since you don't have to constantly repeat it to yourself, you don't lose your sense of perspective so badly that you can't see when such words are appropriate to say out loud, and when they're not (and they're almost always not)

So, in your hypothetical deviant mind you're repeating these words, over and over again, until they become normal and appropriate words in your mind, and next thing you know you're describing your relationship by jumping up and down on Oprah's couch. And it seems totally normal to you, because in your tireless effort to convince yourself that you love the vagina instead of crude sketches you've drawn of Val Kilmer with a tentacle-penis, you've conditioned yourself into believing that overcompensation and overstating your feelings is normal.


It seems you imagine myself in the mirror telling me these things to convince myself of what you say... lol, ok, think whatever you want, but if I said this things "out loud" is because I'm explaining the sitation and how it is, you can twist and give my words the meaning you want, but it doesn't make it true or accurate. And why would you care?? I'm just asking for advice, to confirm what I know already, not make a big deal about sex and just give her space, but if you feel the necesity to troll and make up stuff about me, well, I guess I can't stop you, right? This is an open forum and you can do whatever the fuck you want, only thing I can do is not take you seriously.


See, I'm not saying Lord Phallus knows he's a predatory sex-offender who preys on the insecurities, immaturity and emotional instability of teenage girls. I'm fairly certain he's conditioned himself into believing otherwise, that he's found a "love connection" where the age difference doesn't matter, because he truly loves and cherishes this girl, and respects her as a human being. The capacity of people to delude themselves is truly that great.

Lol, ok, you don't know how we met. I'm definetely not a predator, not that I have to defend myself here, but people are taking into consideration this trollness, and it is ruining the purpose of this thread.


So anyways, my advice to him would be ; accept that your girlfriend is growing into a woman, and has already realised that there's something fundamentally wrong and creepy with you, even if she hasn't quite managed to understand the cause of those feelings yet. You have a decision to make ; either go troll for another confused teenager, or re-evaluate your life and make the extensive changes required to attract a mature woman.

You're putting me in the same position as those old sons of a bitches who date very very young girls because what you're saying, buying them stuff just to get laid with them. First of all, 5 years is not a big age difference, and she is not realizing anything wrong about me, just that I have to fix my educational and finantial circumstances if this relationship comes to be a long term one, which would be nice, we're still both growing up, on a different rate and situation.

All that said, fuck you.

Little_Miss_1565
02-19-2012, 11:23 PM
Phidias, I'm glad that you're taking steps to get your life in better order, but I think Justin may have a point that your girlfriend might be pulling away because she's not into your circumstances. She may have feelings for you, but she's also 19.

Lord Phidias
02-20-2012, 12:33 AM
Phidias, I'm glad that you're taking steps to get your life in better order, but I think Justin may have a point that your girlfriend might be pulling away because she's not into your circumstances. She may have feelings for you, but she's also 19.

Since this is a very personal issue and I shared it with the forum, you should call me Victor, which is my name.

I acknowledge the fact that even if we have not that big age diference, she is coming out of adolescence and since I've already been through that I have to understand it, assess the situation and figure out if it's worth it having to cope with all that happens when someone is 19. It is worth it, I feel healthily in love for all the right reasons with this girl, even if this is not forever (which I never put into the equation because I don't like thinking about endings, not because I wanna marry my gf's). now I have a good relationship and she is still into me. Who knows, maybe I am destined to be a loser and end up livin day by day with no one to care for me, but right now I enjoy being with this girl, I talked about it here because I felt like it, and because I thought that annonymous opinion would help me see things clearly, because people I know have an insight based on my persona and hers.

I also acknowledge the fact that I am not the best catch with my situation, I mean, she could be with any other dude, my age or her age, someone more interesting, more inteligent, with better possibilities of providing her with a good time, but I am a good man and I have cualities other guys don't possess, so she is now with me and I want it to be that way. I guess I started this thread because I am starting to have some insecurities about some things, things related to what this stupid Baldwin dude said, all the shit he said could be real, without the trolling, she could actually consider finding someone better, or not looking for it, but maybe she can meet someone worth hanging out with, and feelings could evolve... yes, this is exactly why I made this thread. Whatever happens in the future with this girl, I don't want it to end because I wasn't good enough, that's what concerns me, that's why I asked for advice and try to clarify my head, to find the way to prevent that from happening, not saying that I sense it will, or that I see actual signs of it happening, but it could... Maybe I'm being a little paranoid and should have more trust in myself, I mean, as I said, I am a good guy and I am quite good looking, that has to count for something... I also treat her right, and am spontaneous, and make her laugh, and help her with stuff, and her parents love me... I think I'm overthinking things like stupid Leonard Hofstadter...

Anyways, thanks for reading and the feedback. Now I feel very stupid. Can't think of why I would need to post these stuff.

Baldwin
02-20-2012, 05:26 AM
@ elf
If a dog shits on your rug and you do nothing, it now thinks your rug is the toilet. And when you're all carrots and no stick, a dog will lose respect for you. Once that happens, the only way to get a dog's respect back is with liberal use of a fucking big stick. If you want to keep this dog, take some personal responsibility for it's shortcomings, quit playing the victim, find a mode of expression that's somewhere between "dumping" and "making passive-aggressive indirect hints" and tune your dog the fuck up.

@ Phidias
First off, I'm not trolling, and you know I'm not trolling ; otherwise you wouldn't have bothered to reply, let alone make a point-by-point rebuttal. Now, your problem is that your dog once saw you as alpha male, but is maturing enough to realise you're incapable of carrying out the duties required of you, and it no longer considers you worthy of that role. When a dog senses weakness or fear in an alpha, or when the alpha is incapable of providing enough food, the world appears unsafe, and the pack chooses not to breed due to that insecurity. Get a job, get a place to live, man the fuck up, and you'll find it's breeding season again.

Harleyquiiinn
02-20-2012, 05:46 AM
Yes... us, females, need an alpha male in order to provide for us. And then, we are willing to mate with the said alpha male.

There are absolutely no other variables in our choice.

Baldwin
02-20-2012, 06:16 AM
That's right, absolutely no other variables. Not even the one in the paragraph addressed to elf. The paragraph directly previous to the one you're getting indignant over. The one written by me, in the same post, directly previous, describing an entirely different variable. You're right, no other variables.

We're talking about a young girl from an 'overprotective' family in a socially conservative country re; gender-roles, who chose to enter a relationship with an older male. I didn't make a sweeping blanket statement about all women, so spare me the feminist outrage and get back to the kitchen.

Harleyquiiinn
02-20-2012, 06:44 AM
Well, it seems to me that Elf's guy is not an alpha male. Therefore she might choose not to mate with him. But if the guy is an alpha male, there are no other variables. That is what I understood of your statement and it doesn't seem contradictory to me.



PS: want a sandwich ?

Baldwin
02-20-2012, 07:09 AM
There are plenty of other variables, all of which I can put into dog analogies, because you can get whatever you want from people if you remember to treat them like dogs. But in this one, particular case, she's not fucking him because the man she thought he was turned out to be a cradlesnatcher with no job, no home and no prospects.

PS. Yes plz

Little_Miss_1565
02-20-2012, 08:15 AM
Victor, the awful truth is that sometimes it's really not enough to treat a girl right and make her laugh. Best of luck with everything.

AllIn All It's Not So Bad
02-20-2012, 08:32 AM
Victor, the awful truth is that sometimes it's really not enough to treat a girl right and make her laugh. Best of luck with everything.

Adding on to what 1565 said is, another awful truth is that individuals, women more likely, will stick around longer with a total asshole. Eventually she'll realize the shitty treatment, but she'll still putout and put up with just because of the alpha male reason

Little_Miss_1565
02-20-2012, 08:42 AM
Adding on to what 1565 said is, another awful truth is that individuals, women more likely, will stick around longer with a total asshole. Eventually she'll realize the shitty treatment, but she'll still putout and put up with just because of the alpha male reason

Some, but not all.

yarock
02-20-2012, 10:01 AM
"It was a great day on BBS for getting on a first name basis."








ilovellamas 2045, postcount: 37268

Llamas
02-20-2012, 10:35 AM
ilovellamas 2045, postcount: 37268

What is that?

Lord Phidias
02-20-2012, 05:23 PM
@ Phidias
First off, I'm not trolling, and you know I'm not trolling ; otherwise you wouldn't have bothered to reply, let alone make a point-by-point rebuttal. Now, your problem is that your dog once saw you as alpha male, but is maturing enough to realise you're incapable of carrying out the duties required of you, and it no longer considers you worthy of that role. When a dog senses weakness or fear in an alpha, or when the alpha is incapable of providing enough food, the world appears unsafe, and the pack chooses not to breed due to that insecurity. Get a job, get a place to live, man the fuck up, and you'll find it's breeding season again.

You were trolling with the pervert stuff, but ok, I didn't know you and now I get more or less your persona. You may be right about she not looking at me anymore as an alpha male, you are actually right, not that she has told me, but looking at the situation it's the obvious explanation. I like the dog analogy, thanks for taking it seriously now and giving advice, dawg. I'm sorry to tell you to fuck yourself, if you ever come to mexico I'll invite you a beer.


Victor, the awful truth is that sometimes it's really not enough to treat a girl right and make her laugh. Best of luck with everything.

Yes, fuck the truth... Thanks for everything! Btw, I got a job today, it seems to be a good one, I hope I don't fuck it up.

UgLy_eLf
02-22-2012, 08:04 PM
I like BEATINGS! I'LL BEAT YA ALL DAY. My baby is spoiled Im a bad mother ha-ha.

Little_Miss_1565
02-22-2012, 08:46 PM
I like BEATINGS! I'LL BEAT YA ALL DAY.

As an aside, this is one of my all-time favorite ATHF quotes. Right up there with "Commence the jiggling!"

Baldwin
02-23-2012, 07:59 AM
Adding on to what 1565 said is, another awful truth is that individuals, women more likely, will stick around longer with a total asshole. Eventually she'll realize the shitty treatment, but she'll still putout and put up with just because of the alpha male reason

No matter how much I comfort her and console her and respect her as a person, she always goes back to her asshole ex-boyfriend instead of realising how much time and effort I've spent being nice to her, and feeling guilty enough to pay that back by fucking me. What a cunt!!!! Womens just don't appreciate us nice guys :(

Llamas
02-23-2012, 08:11 AM
As an aside, this is one of my all-time favorite ATHF quotes. Right up there with "Commence the jiggling!"

Commence the jiggling can never be forgotten, but which episode is the other quote from? I don't remember it... I should probably rewatch ATHF.


No matter how much I comfort her and console her and respect her as a person, she always goes back to her asshole ex-boyfriend instead of realising how much time and effort I've spent being nice to her, and feeling guilty enough to pay that back by fucking me. What a cunt!!!! Womens just don't appreciate us nice guys :(

http://www.tumblr.com/photo/1280/wtfniceguys/17224344056/1/tumblr_lz144bWdIR1qiqoyo

http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lydm9hLqSF1r1ijk1o1_500.jpg

Little_Miss_1565
02-23-2012, 09:51 AM
Commence the jiggling can never be forgotten, but which episode is the other quote from? I don't remember it... I should probably rewatch ATHF.

It's from the MC Pee Pants "I Want Candy" episode.

And FFS, it needs to be said - if you're a guy and complaining you can't get a girl because you treat them too nicely, you're oversimplifying things. MAKE YOUR INTENTIONS CLEAR FROM THE START. If you don't, this is how you get friend-zoned, and that's on you, not on her.

T-6005
02-24-2012, 10:33 PM
Pretty terrible advice, all told. Except for the part about the clitoris. Which you don't really need to find. You just need to convince a girl you've found it, which is much easier.

Sometimes women don't like men. It's the truth. Sometimes men don't like women. These are both true things. It can be status, like Justin so kindly suggested. It can be because you couldn't work out where the prostate was, as nieh so subtly metaphorically plowed that literal shit. Sometimes things cool between people, sometimes you're demoted to the beta dog (scientifically less stress that route, by the way, unless your fem is laying the alpha).

Relationships shudder and lurch and hold together under anger and jealousy, but sometimes they can't survive simple ambivalence. My girlfriend of 5 1/2 years and I broke up two days ago. Similar symptoms at times to your story, only we're both adults, we'd been together a lot longer and our problems were completely different. In any case.

Relax. These things happen. You'll be sad, then you might be angry (or the other way around), but you're a fucking adult now. Get a job, work the job, and put your life together. Or don't. But put your life together with something, man. I work 25 hours a week, have 15 hours of class and spend every single moment of free time either getting drunk or reading notes from dead philosophers and anthropologists. In retrospect, it may have had something to do with the end of my relationship. But it might not. It might not be anything to do with me at all. It might be her, her emotional state, her perception, her hormonal levels.

These are all valid reasons. They don't suddenly become invalid because you feel like the victim. Sometimes things just happen. Find something to do. Make your life about something, and keep doing it, even if that's scraping roadkill off the freeway or learning kendo and going to Comicon as Majin Vegeta meets Seven Samurai.

Think about it this way. Uglier people than you have gotten laid with people more beautiful than you've ever seen. If that matters to you, think about how you'd like to accomplish that. Seriously. But you can also think about it this way - you've spent some of the most intimate time it's possible to spend with someone who meant something to you, and who cared about you. If that was more important to you, then grieve for your loss. Let it pass. Then get back in that saddle, my friend. You'll find someone else to laugh at your terrible jokes and hold you fast when you wake up in the middle of the night with your heart rate above two hundred, swinging at phantoms.

Just let it slide for now and accept where you are.

PS - I don't usually go for the inspirational... I hope that helped.

calichix
02-26-2012, 11:33 AM
ew god, it's because you call it an "encounter" and you keep a time card on her. take her out, get her kinda drunk, and say some naughty things in her ear in public. c'mon. the grossest, absolute grossest thing you could do, is to have a serious discussion about why she isn't putting out, and get all clinical about it, and put it on her to please you as if its her responsibility. just be cheeky and fun, and mellow out.

Lord Phidias
02-26-2012, 11:03 PM
Pretty terrible advice, all told. Except for the part about the clitoris. Which you don't really need to find. You just need to convince a girl you've found it, which is much easier.

Sometimes women don't like men. It's the truth. Sometimes men don't like women. These are both true things. It can be status, like Justin so kindly suggested. It can be because you couldn't work out where the prostate was, as nieh so subtly metaphorically plowed that literal shit. Sometimes things cool between people, sometimes you're demoted to the beta dog (scientifically less stress that route, by the way, unless your fem is laying the alpha).

Relationships shudder and lurch and hold together under anger and jealousy, but sometimes they can't survive simple ambivalence. My girlfriend of 5 1/2 years and I broke up two days ago. Similar symptoms at times to your story, only we're both adults, we'd been together a lot longer and our problems were completely different. In any case.

Relax. These things happen. You'll be sad, then you might be angry (or the other way around), but you're a fucking adult now. Get a job, work the job, and put your life together. Or don't. But put your life together with something, man. I work 25 hours a week, have 15 hours of class and spend every single moment of free time either getting drunk or reading notes from dead philosophers and anthropologists. In retrospect, it may have had something to do with the end of my relationship. But it might not. It might not be anything to do with me at all. It might be her, her emotional state, her perception, her hormonal levels.

These are all valid reasons. They don't suddenly become invalid because you feel like the victim. Sometimes things just happen. Find something to do. Make your life about something, and keep doing it, even if that's scraping roadkill off the freeway or learning kendo and going to Comicon as Majin Vegeta meets Seven Samurai.

Think about it this way. Uglier people than you have gotten laid with people more beautiful than you've ever seen. If that matters to you, think about how you'd like to accomplish that. Seriously. But you can also think about it this way - you've spent some of the most intimate time it's possible to spend with someone who meant something to you, and who cared about you. If that was more important to you, then grieve for your loss. Let it pass. Then get back in that saddle, my friend. You'll find someone else to laugh at your terrible jokes and hold you fast when you wake up in the middle of the night with your heart rate above two hundred, swinging at phantoms.

Just let it slide for now and accept where you are.

PS - I don't usually go for the inspirational... I hope that helped.

I knew from your prevoius posts in other threads that you are a cool guy, thanks, it helps because it's an advice based on my life, not on my relationship.

Thanks to previous posts I just let it go and stop caring about it, so I focused on solving my own problems and now I have a job I like, it's just been a week but it seems promising, and I've been hanging out with my gf, still not having sex, but not overthinking stuff and just having fun and quality time with her and her family, which is important to her.

Anyways, thanks again, I love you.


ew god, it's because you call it an "encounter" and you keep a time card on her. take her out, get her kinda drunk, and say some naughty things in her ear in public. c'mon. the grossest, absolute grossest thing you could do, is to have a serious discussion about why she isn't putting out, and get all clinical about it, and put it on her to please you as if its her responsibility. just be cheeky and fun, and mellow out.

Rofl, I know, I'm lame, maybe I became kinda dull... I stopped worrying about that, I trust everything will work out fine, my life is getting back on track again and I stopped preassuring her about unimportant stuff.

Now, thank you guys for all your advice, you have all been very nice. :)

Isolated Fury
02-27-2012, 05:44 AM
Now, thank you guys for all your advice, you have all been very nice. :)
... Really? Nice? Haha

Lord Phidias
02-27-2012, 08:23 AM
... Really? Nice? Haha

...ok, you have been all so very neat.

Bernadith
02-27-2012, 05:25 PM
Here is how I see this:

What do you want more ? Sex or being with her ?

Because we can talk for hours about potential reasons she wouldn't want to have sex as often as she used to but the fact is : she doesn't want to have sex as often as she used to and if you pressure her (which you do, even if you don't feel like you do), you are going to end up losing her.

But the reason is clear when I read your message: Indeed, it has nothing to do with you. I think most girls (please, other people of the said gender, correct me if I'm wrong) needs an empty head to really enjoy sex. And it seems to me that your girlfriend, currently, simply doesn't. So rather than having a lot of sex and not loving it all the time, she chooses the right time.

The variable that changed before and after is : time. Less time, less sex.


Women are really complicated as always. But just be patient and take time to talk to her and understand how she really feels about your relationship. Or let her feel that she's the most beautiful and sexiest woman in the world.

yarock
02-27-2012, 06:16 PM
One bot does what 40 mortals couldn't do.

Lord Phidias
02-28-2012, 08:26 PM
One bot does what 40 mortals couldn't do.

Lol... god moves in a mysterious way...

Btw... thank you thank you thank you, Bernadith-bot, I will totally make her feel that! :D