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View Full Version : Itís my fault? I think not.



My Name Was Taken
04-25-2012, 11:45 AM
My little sister has been getting into a lot of trouble. She's 14 years old and currently grounded for staying out all night at some party, where she got completely SMASHED. She skips school (with our new attendance policy, she's no longer receiving credit for any of her classes) She sneaks boys into her room at night, etc.
Her father thinks I am the bad influence: the reason sheís acting this way. Every time he sees me over at their house he tells me I need to leave. I assume he thinks Iím the bad influence because Iím an atheist and I identify with the ďpunkĒ crowd. I guess he attributes her bad behavior, dark make-up, dyed black hair, piercings, and constant stream of screamo to spending too much time with me.
Anyone who knows me knows that Iím really a nice person (unless youíre awful to me for no reason, then Iíll rip you a new one) Iím not involved with drugs or alcohol; I donít smoke, and though Iím sarcastic and constantly questioning things, Iím a fairly positive person.
The thing is: as far as family goes, sheís all I really have. I donít want to lose her just because her father doesnít like me.
Do any of you have problems like this? I feel like people expect anyone who identifies as ďpunkĒ or ďatheistĒ or whatever label you want to try, to be a bad person.

RageAndLov
04-25-2012, 04:05 PM
It's a shame that it has to be like that for you. Here you are more looked upon as a bad person if you are religious, or perhaps more in the line as weird. Being atheist is the norm.

Llamas
04-25-2012, 04:22 PM
It's a shame that it has to be like that for you. Here you are more looked upon as a bad person if you are religious, or perhaps more in the line as weird. Being atheist is the norm.

Isn't that just as bad? I don't think anyone should look down on people for such things. Assuming someone is a bad influence or example because of such things is moronic and unfair.

MNWT, your step-dad(?) is just scapegoating. He can't accept blame himself, and you're an easy target. My parents did this a bit with me, too - my sister turned out to be a pretty bad kid, in trouble all the time, and my parents blamed me for being a bad example. When really, they should've been raising their kid.

DMelges
04-25-2012, 04:22 PM
So I'm assuming she's your half-sister? Since you mentioned "her" father.

You know, teenage girls are like that. They rebel for no reason, do what they shouldn't just because someone said not to. In my experience, girls do this muuuuch more then boys do. It's a phase, hopefully.

You are most definitely not the bad influence.

My Name Was Taken
04-25-2012, 04:48 PM
So I'm assuming she's your half-sister? Since you mentioned "her" father.

You know, teenage girls are like that. They rebel for no reason, do what they shouldn't just because someone said not to. In my experience, girls do this muuuuch more then boys do. It's a phase, hopefully.

You are most definitely not the bad influence.

I went through this phase, too... I was never involved in drugs/alcohol, but I did get a little violent. It only lasted about a year. I think that was also the year I spent about a month thinking I was emo (until I leared the difference between emo/punk/goth/indie. in my area, anyone who's not "normal" is "emo".)
I just don't understand why I am the bad influence here. Seriously. What about the girl she got drunk with? She's into drugs, but Catholic. This seems to automatically make her a good person.

RageAndLov
04-25-2012, 05:33 PM
Isn't that just as bad? I don't think anyone should look down on people for such things. Assuming someone is a bad influence or example because of such things is moronic and unfair.


Well I guess it is based on the moral views many religious people tend to have, like anti-homosexuality, anti-abortion, etc. I'm against persecuting people for their spiritual believes, but if it helps getting the homophobia and such out of the way, I am glad.

Llamas
04-25-2012, 05:42 PM
but if it helps getting the homophobia and such out of the way, I am glad.

That sounds a lot like the boss of a friend I had, who wanted to forbid young black men from coming into his restaurant, because most dine-and-dashers fit that description. Banning young black men saved the restaurant a lot of money, but it sure wasn't okay to discriminate like that. Just the same, I sure as hell don't blame or profile Christians just because they're more likely to have a problem with my sexual orientation. I have quite a few Christian friends who couldn't care less about it, and I'm glad I didn't judge them for their religion, just like I'm glad they didn't judge me for my orientation.

Gregmau5
04-26-2012, 01:00 AM
Nothing wrong with being atheist, everyone has their own views.

Jojan
04-26-2012, 05:25 AM
Nothing wrong with being atheist, everyone has their own views.

Except for that whole "going to hell"-thing.

My Name Was Taken
04-26-2012, 07:47 AM
Except for that whole "going to hell"-thing.

Oh my god, I hate that >.< I like to tell them that as a masochist, I would enjoy burning in eternal fire and licking Satan's ball-sack. :o

Lord Phidias
04-26-2012, 09:30 AM
Fourteen year old kids should't be getting smashed or having sex with different partners at all, that's the parent's fault because they are directly or indirectly allowing it.

Little_Miss_1565
04-26-2012, 09:52 AM
I went through this phase, too... I was never involved in drugs/alcohol, but I did get a little violent. It only lasted about a year.

Well, wait... you got violent, for a year. How old was your sister at the time, and how "violent" were you?

Lord Phidias
04-26-2012, 10:35 AM
I hope you are not implying maybe she has fault on her behaviour, because she may have influenced her indirectly, so as her friends, or tv, but it's definetely her parent's fault for allowing it and not doing something against it. She is her sister and she loves her, she can talk to her and try to tell her to stop behaving like she is, but it's not her role to act upon it, she can't ground her or take her to therapy or be a parent to her, because she isn't one.

Lol I said "her" too many times :P

Little_Miss_1565
04-26-2012, 10:57 AM
I hope you are not implying maybe she has fault on her behaviour, because she may have influenced her indirectly, so as her friends, or tv, but it's definetely her parent's fault for allowing it and not doing something against it. She is her sister and she loves her, she can talk to her and try to tell her to stop behaving like she is, but it's not her role to act upon it, she can't ground her or take her to therapy or be a parent to her, because she isn't one.

Lol I said "her" too many times :P

Absolutely her parents need to step up and take some responsibility, but having a violent older sister in the house for a year is going to do some damage, and I was asking for clarification. She's written this thread as though she's had no hand in her sister's behavior, and while it could be true, she also stated that her behavior was violent for an entire year.

My Name Was Taken
04-26-2012, 11:01 AM
I went through a phase like this for an entire year. I was only violent once... Toward an authority figure who told me I had no friends, and the people I thought were my friends were all figments of my imagination. That was before I lived with them, as well.

also: my sister was 12

Isolated Fury
04-26-2012, 11:01 AM
I hope you are not implying maybe she has fault on her behaviour, because she may have influenced her indirectly, so as her friends, or tv, but it's definetely her parent's fault for allowing it and not doing something against it. She is her sister and she loves her, she can talk to her and try to tell her to stop behaving like she is, but it's not her role to act upon it, she can't ground her or take her to therapy or be a parent to her, because she isn't one.

Lol I said "her" too many times :P
Not necessarily. People who haven't been through physical abuse don't know the damage it can do. If you mentally and emotionally scar someone badly enough from physical abuse, they can end up pretty messed up. Hell, just think about abuse that isn't that extreme. If a parent is over-abusive to his child, that child is inherently given the disposition and idea that they should treat their children the same way. Even if the abuse they went through wasn't as bad as a lot of cases, it can be enough to influence them that much. I would make a joke about how many times I said "abuse", but abuse is never funny. (lol)


Oh my god, I hate that >.< I like to tell them that as a masochist, I would enjoy burning in eternal fire and licking Satan's ball-sack. :o
omg yessss!!! You're totally a masochist who loves pain and the feeling humiliated. There's no doubt about that. Those other kids at school just don't understand. The only pain those sheeple know is the act of popping out two to three kids to fill their conformist Joneses family. You're definitely not saying this for attention. You can't get enough of being strangled, beaten, socially displaced... the list goes on and on to how much awesome badassery shit you love. You know exactly how hot fire is. And you DEFINITELY don't pull your hand away when it gets too close to the burner on the stove. Uhhhhhhhhnnnnnnggggggggg. Yeah, I bet you and all of the other "masochists" just came.

By the way, for those with inquiring minds, "uhhhhhhhhnnnnnnggggggggg" is how I've decided to spell the audible climaxxx.

My Name Was Taken
04-26-2012, 11:09 AM
omg yessss!!! You're totally a masochist who loves pain and the feeling humiliated. There's no doubt about that. Those other kids at school just don't understand. The only pain those sheeple know is the act of popping out two to three kids to fill their conformist Joneses family. You're definitely not saying this for attention. You can't get enough of being strangled, beaten, socially displaced... the list goes on and on to how much awesome badassery shit you love. You know exactly how hot fire is. And you DEFINITELY don't pull your hand away when it gets too close to the burner on the stove. Uhhhhhhhhnnnnnnggggggggg. Yeah, I bet you and all of the other "masochists" just came.

I could HEAR the sarcasm when I read that.
Though in case you hadn't noticed, my comment was also sarcastic. It throws off the Christians when you say stuff like that to them. The look on their face is well worth being told i'm going to hell.

Llamas
04-26-2012, 11:14 AM
I went through this phase, too... I was never involved in drugs/alcohol, but I did get a little violent. It only lasted about a year. I think that was also the year I spent about a month thinking I was emo (until I leared the difference between emo/punk/goth/indie. in my area, anyone who's not "normal" is "emo".)
I just don't understand why I am the bad influence here. Seriously.

I just noticed this post. You made it sound like a you're sweet, good kid who is only being singled out because you're atheist, when it turns out you were violent for a year... and you consider yourself a masochist? Meh, I guess it depends on what kind of violence you performed, but doesn't really sound like someone I'd want around my kid, either.

And it sounds like you're making assumptions: "What about the girl she got drunk with? She's into drugs, but Catholic. This seems to automatically make her a good person."

1) Do your parents know that girl is into drugs?
2) Did they say she's a good person?

Isolated Fury
04-26-2012, 12:08 PM
I could HEAR the sarcasm when I read that.
Though in case you hadn't noticed, my comment was also sarcastic. It throws off the Christians when you say stuff like that to them. The look on their face is well worth being told i'm going to hell.
I'm praying for you.

/passiveaggresive

Baldwin
04-26-2012, 12:14 PM
You are a bad influence. You're eighteen years old and you still have a shitty early-teenage attitude, complete with an unfounded persecution complex, an overactive thirst for attention, a refusal to take personal responsibility for your actions, and that general smug and self-satisfied outlook teenagers get when they've decided that they've got the world all figured out and everyone else is too stupid to understand.

All this is obvious from the handful of posts you've made in this thread alone. If I was your stepfather, I wouldn't have you around my kids either.

Lord Phidias
04-26-2012, 12:25 PM
Not necessarily. People who haven't been through physical abuse don't know the damage it can do. If you mentally and emotionally scar someone badly enough from physical abuse, they can end up pretty messed up. Hell, just think about abuse that isn't that extreme. If a parent is over-abusive to his child, that child is inherently given the disposition and idea that they should treat their children the same way. Even if the abuse they went through wasn't as bad as a lot of cases, it can be enough to influence them that much. I would make a joke about how many times I said "abuse", but abuse is never funny. (lol)


I don't know where did the physical abuse topic came from.


omg yessss!!! You're totally a masochist who loves pain and the feeling humiliated. There's no doubt about that. Those other kids at school just don't understand. The only pain those sheeple know is the act of popping out two to three kids to fill their conformist Joneses family. You're definitely not saying this for attention. You can't get enough of being strangled, beaten, socially displaced... the list goes on and on to how much awesome badassery shit you love. You know exactly how hot fire is. And you DEFINITELY don't pull your hand away when it gets too close to the burner on the stove. Uhhhhhhhhnnnnnnggggggggg. Yeah, I bet you and all of the other "masochists" just came.


Her comment was obviously a joke, at least I got that, how could you not see that?



I just noticed this post. You made it sound like a you're sweet, good kid who is only being singled out because you're atheist, when it turns out you were violent for a year... and you consider yourself a masochist? Meh, I guess it depends on what kind of violence you performed, but doesn't really sound like someone I'd want around my kid, either.

And it sounds like you're making assumptions: "What about the girl she got drunk with? She's into drugs, but Catholic. This seems to automatically make her a good person."

1) Do your parents know that girl is into drugs?
2) Did they say she's a good person?

Obviously her sister's dad is alienated to her for some reason, any reason, it's not really important, the fact is My Name Was Taken feels sad because she wants to still have a relationship with her sister and she asks if it's her fault her sister behaves as she does, which I believe it's not because the parents don't do anything about it, or at least that's what it seems with the background given. Maybe she should tell her parents when she sneaks boys in her room or when misbehaves, so they can take cards on the matter, even if her little sister hates her, eventually she will understand.

My Name Was Taken
04-26-2012, 12:28 PM
I just noticed this post. You made it sound like a you're sweet, good kid who is only being singled out because you're atheist, when it turns out you were violent for a year... and you consider yourself a masochist? Meh, I guess it depends on what kind of violence you performed, but doesn't really sound like someone I'd want around my kid, either.

And it sounds like you're making assumptions: "What about the girl she got drunk with? She's into drugs, but Catholic. This seems to automatically make her a good person."

1) Do your parents know that girl is into drugs?
2) Did they say she's a good person?

I didn't say I was a masochist as part of this thread. I was being sarcastic.
I wasn't violent for a year, it was one indecent.
Yes they know she's into drugs. They know she's the one who took their daughter out partying, and somehow they think she's an angel.

Lord Phidias
04-26-2012, 12:30 PM
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0328538/

My Name Was Taken
04-26-2012, 12:38 PM
Her comment was obviously a joke, at least I got that, how could you not see that?

Thank you for explaining that.


Obviously her sister's dad is alienated to her for some reason, any reason, it's not really important, the fact is My Name Was Taken feels sad because she wants to still have a relationship with her sister and she asks if it's her fault her sister behaves as she does, which I believe it's not because the parents don't do anything about it, or at least that's what it seems with the background given. Maybe she should tell her parents when she sneaks boys in her room or when misbehaves, so they can take cards on the matter, even if her little sister hates her, eventually she will understand.
I do love my sister. More than anything else in this world. She's one of two people I can trust with anything. She'll always be there for me, and i'll always be there for her. She'll be 15 soon, and I'm worried about her. :/
They know about the boys. Steve (her dad) actually went after one of them with a shotgun.
Did I mention that she feels like she's protected from everyone because she has 5 older brothers willing to beat the crap out of anyone who hurts her? Sometimes I feel like it's an excuse for her to treat people badly... So she can sic her brothers on them when they retaliate.

T-6005
04-26-2012, 03:00 PM
I feel like once shotguns entered the equation the terms of the discussion were moderately shunted to the side into the realm of the insane.

Maybe I just don't get 'going after' people with guns.

Jojan
04-26-2012, 03:59 PM
Oh my god

Which "god" is yours? I thought that you were an atheist.

Tired_Of_You
04-26-2012, 05:08 PM
They know about the boys. Steve (her dad) actually went after one of them with a shotgun.
You try telling people that it's not true that every American chase down people with a shotgun and you read this. (just joking, by the way)

But seriously, wtf.

Anyway, have you ever told her father just how much you care about her and that you don't want her to be in trouble as well?

KickHimWhenHe'sDown
04-26-2012, 06:27 PM
If a parent is over-abusive to his child, that child is inherently given the disposition and idea that they should treat their children the same way.
An angry man gets drunk and beats his kids
The same old way his drunken father did
What comes around well it goes around...........

Isolated Fury
04-27-2012, 06:24 AM
Which "god" is yours? I thought that you were an atheist.
I have just converted to Jojanism.

Lord Phidias
04-27-2012, 10:21 AM
Now, where was I?? Oh yes, your actual situation. Since you seem like you are looking for advice and regarding your comments on BigHead's thread, I don't know how you've been able to deal and cope with all shit going on in your life. What you need to do is to focus on how are you going to fix your situation. I mean, you are pretty young, you need to finish highschool, and depending on your goals and the future you want to have, you should concentrate on how are you going to support yourself, because there seems to be too much hatred in your household, I wouldn't be able to continue with all that stress and difficulties.

You should also seek the appropiate support for your pain, this is not really the place, it's not safe at all to address your issues to an annonymous group of strangers who didn't ask to participate on your problems. Please note that I am not encouraging you to stop posting about whatever you want, but you need to be aware about the feedback you may receive, as you already have. People won't empathize with you if you just talk shit, and it's not because of the background you share or not, that's not really important, you can and you should keep some things to yourself, but if you seek a positive and supportive response from people, you need to be true to yourself and to others, explain what it is you are trying to do and that you care, I don't know how to explain it, stupid language barrier... if someone gets what I'm trying to say please elaborate...

EDIT

I made some research... I think my first advice is not applicable... just, grow up and carry on (sayin' it in a good manner and with good wishes, don't take it the wrong way).