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View Full Version : My emo question of the day



sKratch
03-08-2005, 08:42 AM
Ok this question pertains to those of you who have had sex with more than one person. More specifically, for those of you who had a very strong attachment to the first person you had sex with and having sex with someone else eventually wasn't just la-de-da.
Was it hard to be with someone else? Was it as bad as you thought it would be, emotionally? And did you feel like you lost something special between you and your first lay because it wasn't exclusive any more? Any further embelishments are also welcome.

Hysteria
03-08-2005, 09:04 AM
I'm sorry I can't relate, i'm still with that *special* first person so I can't comment.

Betty
03-08-2005, 09:23 AM
Well, this probably won't represent the feelings of most people but...

First off, when I slept with my second serious boyfriend (but I obviously wouldn't have known how serious at the time), I think I was emotionally ready to do it. This totally depends on the person involved, but I wasn't forcing myself to do it or anything of the sort. I thought it was absolutely amazing being intimate with that person. It was EXCITING again. I was nervous. I was incredibly turned on because it was NEW. We had to take things "slow" (in comparison) because we had never done it before. That was exciting too. I just find that growing close to a new partner is one of the most exciting feelings in the world. The butterflies. Thinking about them literally 24/7. That stuff fades after a while. But when you get together with somebody new, it comes back, and it's exciting. It could be a little weird cause the sex is different and the partner is not accustomed to what you like, and you don't know what they like, but that could be bad or good depending. Also, if you are just sleeping with somebody to sleep with them, THAT might be weird. If you were still not over somebody else.

That makes me see why some people would have a really hard time remaining committed, because dating someone new is really fun. Although I still think I would prefer the deep committment, love, trust, etc. that goes along with having a serious long-term relationship.

DirtyMagical
03-08-2005, 10:15 AM
Hmm.
I find sex is only good with someone the first time, after that it's more like a routine.

The chase is better than the catch y0.

SicN Twisted
03-08-2005, 12:28 PM
I have a unique case of only enjoying sex when it's new and spontanious, so I can't at all relate to this.

Little_Miss_1565
03-08-2005, 02:42 PM
It wasn't until the second person I slept with that I realized how bad the sex I had been having really was. And I thought it had been good. Moving on can hurt, but uh...let's just say certain things can often help you get over that.

sKratch
03-08-2005, 05:28 PM
Makes sense I guess.
Betty, did you feel like you lost something special with the first guy you were with? Or did you not really have a strong attachment to him any more.

ThatOneGuy123
03-08-2005, 05:50 PM
Im a sex machine.So there is no effect but Im married so Im not gonna go have sex with somebody else and say its just alittle "la de da" but I have had sex many times

nieh
03-08-2005, 05:56 PM
Ok this question pertains to those of you who have had sex with more than one person. More specifically, for those of you who had a very strong attachment to the first person you had sex with and having sex with someone else eventually wasn't just la-de-da.
Was it hard to be with someone else? Was it as bad as you thought it would be, emotionally? And did you feel like you lost something special between you and your first lay because it wasn't exclusive any more? Any further embelishments are also welcome.

I'd imagine the only reason that having sex with a second person would take away from the special feelings you had for the first person would be if the second person you have sex with is more just a fling and not something serious. That would mean that sex used to mean something big to you and now it presumeably doesn't, so logically it would make you think that it never really meant what you used to think it did. That can kinda screw things up, but if you wait until you're in another serious relationship then it shouldn't really matter.

sKratch
03-08-2005, 08:29 PM
I guess. I have no current ambitions, I just wanted to see what others have experienced. Nieh what are you wearing.

nieh
03-08-2005, 08:40 PM
socks .

SicN Twisted
03-08-2005, 10:26 PM
My words of advice are these - the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.

Betty
03-08-2005, 10:47 PM
Makes sense I guess.
Betty, did you feel like you lost something special with the first guy you were with? Or did you not really have a strong attachment to him any more.

I think nieh summed it up pretty well. And I will also assume that this is a totally hypothetical situation and that you aren't actually planning on having sex with random girls.

I guess to me, I don't really associate that much of a "specialness" with sex. The specialness would come from other things. Maybe cute things we said to each other, pet names, silly things we did, games we liked to play, ways we liked to touch, etc. So when I had sex with a new guy, it wasn't like I LOST something with the first guy, since they were two entirely different people. What remained special for the first would still remain special. And I sorta had an attachment to him (since we had dated for 2 years, were gonna get married, etc.) but I had gotten used to the idea that we could not BE together, even though we still loved each other in a way. I was ready to move on, and totally invest myself in the new guy.

SicN Twisted
03-08-2005, 10:49 PM
The pet names and cute things are the most important. When I was in the most serious relationship of my life, for awhile it was an open relationship, so as I'd easily let my girlfriend fuck other guys, I wouldn't let her do something like hide under their shirts, cause that's the thing we did. And other things like that.

Sunny
03-08-2005, 10:55 PM
aww =)

I basically agree with what Betty and Sky said. To me the specialness isn't very strongly linked to sex, either... it's the other things that make a relationship unique and special. And the things I used to have with my exes I don't have with my current boyfriend... because they're different people, and the relationships themselves are very different. It doesn't upset me, nor do I feel like I lost something.

Betty
03-08-2005, 10:57 PM
You beat me to the "awwww!"

Awwww!

UgLy_eLf
03-09-2005, 01:26 AM
God, I HATE starting new relationships. New is strange, and I'd rather be comfortable with someone I've been dating a while, it doesnt get boring for me. It's extremely difficult for me to get comfortable with someone new during times of intimacy.

Sunny
03-09-2005, 07:53 AM
Ugly_elf, I can relate... while a new relationship can be really exciting and fun (because, well, it's new).. what I really enjoy is being comfortable with someone, and being able to trust them and tell them anything. It takes me some time to get 100% comfortable with another person.. and honestly, I don't understand people who get bored after the relationship has been going for a while... for me that's the real fun.

sKratch
03-09-2005, 11:17 AM
socks .
So you haven't changed since last night?

I understand what you guys are all saying and it makes sense. It's a little different for me, though. I guess Betty would understand, with the whole "we were going to get married etc" stuff. Blah.

Just a Girl
03-09-2005, 12:00 PM
sex is probably more special in the first relationship. like... sic said something about the cute stuff was more special, presumably because whoever you're in a relationship with is the only person you do that cute stuff with. so when you're in a relationship and that's the first person you've had sex with, i guess that could be one of those special things, because you haven't done it with anyone else. then when you're in a new relationship, it's not so special to that relationship because you've done it before type thing.

that's not necessarily bad though. i guess it's like... kissing isn't special. lots of stuff isn't really special. it's more about the unique little 'you' type things.

i think i may have just written a load of bollocks but i can't be bothered to go back and read it and it seems a waste of my time not to post it seeing as i'm supposed to be doing coursework.

Betty
03-09-2005, 04:11 PM
what I really enjoy is being comfortable with someone, and being able to trust them and tell them anything. It takes me some time to get 100% comfortable with another person.. and honestly, I don't understand people who get bored after the relationship has been going for a while... for me that's the real fun.

Sunny, I don't want this to be offensive or anything... but like... when I think of things getting "boring" this is after YEARS. I know you aren't that old and I know you've have a few boyfriends at least so I'd imagine none of the relationships lasted much more than 2 years? Anyway, the point is that those didn't work out due to something that is probably none of my business and the current guy is what? A year? So I imagine that you've never really been with someone long enough to actually be bored with them. You know?

Maybe we are just thinking of different things but I'm thinking boring after you know... 2-3 years (in my case) or maybe 5-10 years in other people's cases. Not boring after a month or something.

Betty
03-09-2005, 04:17 PM
sKratch...

I think I can somewhat see where you're coming from, but not totally.

I definitely understand the "we were going to get married thing". Because my ex and I were for sure going to be married. And have kids, and puppies, and good jobs, etc, etc. My current boyfriend and I are nowhere near that point (because life is way too up in the air) and we've been together even longer.

And it was just SO frightening to think "wow, I guess we're NOT going to get married" All those things I thought were for sure were really not for sure at all.

Where I probably can't sympathize as much is that the breakup for us was relatively mutual and I don't think it's the same for you.

It took me a while to get over my ex, but in a different way. I never really wanted him back. I more just had to adjust to not being with him. And I would miss some of the things we had as a couple. And it was really hard to be just friendly with him for a while. And just being with him or thinking about it would make me really emotional for various reasons. But I had still accepted the idea that we weren't right for each other pretty early on.