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rock4life09
03-16-2005, 06:09 AM
hey i wrote this the other day so tell me if you like it......

i knelt to pray but not too long,
i had to much to do.
i had to hurry and get to work
for bills would soon be due.

so i knelt and said a hurried prayer,
and jumped off my knees.
my christian duty was now done
my soul could rest at ease...

all day long i had no time
to spread a word of cheer
no time to speak of christ to friends,
they'd laugh at me i'd fear.

no time, no time, too much to do,
that was my constant cry
no time to give to souls in need
but at last the time to die.

i went before the lord,
i came, i stood with downcast eyes
for in his hands god held a book;
it was the book of life

god looked into his book and said
"your name i cannot find.
i once was going to write it down...
but never found the time"

JoY
03-16-2005, 06:30 AM
I somewhat like the content, but the style doesn't appeal to me.

Just a Girl
03-16-2005, 06:51 AM
hmm. i kinda like it.

TheUnholyNightbringer
03-16-2005, 08:11 AM
Actually, I really really liked it. I don't normally like that style (ABCB rhyming) but the content was enough to turn it for me. Very good.

rock4life09
03-16-2005, 12:21 PM
Actually, I really really liked it. I don't normally like that style (ABCB rhyming) but the content was enough to turn it for me. Very good.

Thank you. I'm not that good at writing poetry and when I do write it it ends going to ABCB. I rather read someone else's poetry then write my own because I always find something that really bugs me about it.

Noodles is gay
03-16-2005, 12:55 PM
Yeah; pretty cool, but this is better:


He did not wear his scarlet coat,
For blood and wine are red,
And blood and wine were on his hands
When they found him with the dead,
The poor dead woman whom he loved,
And murdered in her bed.

He walked amongst the Trial Men
In a suit of shabby gray;
A cricket cap was on his head,
And his step seemed light and gay;
But I never saw a man who looked
So wistfully at the day.

I never saw a man who looked
With such a wistful eye
Upon that little tent of blue
Which prisoners call the sky,
And at every drifting cloud that went
With sails of silver by.

Genius :rolleyes:

rock4life09
03-16-2005, 01:13 PM
hmmmm I like it. Its kinda confusing but its good

GreenTerror
03-16-2005, 02:39 PM
My turn! I wrote this a couple nights ago:

Holding on to these faint memories
An echo of the past
Arare state of happiness
I hold on so it will last.
Slipping away from reality
My existance I deny
A raging desire to escape
I slip away so I can fly.
Falling to another place
Far away form here
A world of nothing that's unseen
I fall so I can't fear.

The only thing I don't like about it is that it's too short...
What do you guys think?

Noodles is gay
03-16-2005, 02:45 PM
My turn! I wrote this a couple nights ago:

Holding on to these faint memories
An echo of the past
Arare state of happiness
I hold on so it will last.
Slipping away from reality
My existance I deny
A raging desire to escape
I slip away so I can fly.
Falling to another place
Far away form here
A world of nothing that's unseen
I fall so I can't fear.

The only thing I don't like about it is that it's too short...
What do you guys think?

Pretty good.

Suggestion:

I don't think that the bit in bold works very well there; i'm sure you could think up something better. But apart from that i like it. :)


BTW; i didn't write the poem i posted - Oscar Wilde did, but it's my favourite. :D

KappaWing
03-16-2005, 02:53 PM
Very artistic poetry! :) Me likes! :)

Here's one I wrote;

On Hollow’s Eve
All through the farm,
The animals were quiet,
Inside their barn.
Little did they know,
Out in the night,
A creature was waiting,
Staying out of sight.
Out in the fields,
A figure loomed,
The old farmer was in his house.
Sweeping up with a broom.
As the farmer was sweeping,
He heard a knock on his door.
“That’s funny,” he said.
“What would someone want me for?”
The door swung open,
And to his surprise,
He saw a cloaked man,
Right before his eyes.
The man threw off his cloak,
The farmer cried out for help.
Because standing in the doorway,
Was the Grim Reaper himself.
The farmer grabbed an axe,
And waved it in the air.
But the Reaper had his own,
To the farmer’s despair.
The farmer ran,
Sprinting to the hills.
But the Reaper soon caught up,
And the farmer he soon killed.

GreenTerror
03-16-2005, 03:03 PM
That was pretty cool.
To Noodles Is Gay: Thanks, I tired, but coulden't come up with anything elese that would fit there. I'm glad you liked it though. :D

rock4life09
03-16-2005, 06:50 PM
Yeah, writing poems is hard for me :(

dirtybird
03-16-2005, 09:02 PM
It's easy as long as I'm doing ABCB.. I did do one that was AAAA BBBB, though.