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Editor Of God
04-06-2005, 05:38 PM
I'M GLAD I'M A MAN

I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe. I don't live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese. I don't bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts. I can get where I want to - north,south,east, or west.

I don't get wasted after only 2 beers,
And when I do drink I don't end up in tears.
I won't spend hours deciding what to wear.
I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair.

And I don't go around checking my reflection
in everything shiny from every direction.
I don't whine in public and make us leave early,
and when you ask why get all bitter and surly.

I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could sing.
I don't have to sit around waiting for that ring.
I don't gossip about friends or stab them in the back.
I don't carry our differences into the sack

I'll never go psycho and threaten to kill you
or think every guy out there's trying to steal you.
I'm rational, reasonable, and logical too.
I know what the time is and I know what to do.

And I honestly think its a privilege for me
to have these two balls and stand when I pee.
I live to watch sports and play all sorts of ball.
It's more fun than dealing with women after all.

I won't cry if you say it's not going to work.
I won't remain bitter and call you a jerk.
Feel free to use me for immediate pleasure.
I won't assume it's permanent by any measure.

Yes, I'm so very glad I'm a man, you see.
I'm glad I'm not capable of child delivery.
I don't get all bitchy every 28 days.
I'm glad that my gender gets me a much bigger raise.

I'm a man by chance and I'm thankful it's true.
I'm so glad I'm a man and not a woman like you!

I'M GLAD I'M A WOMAN

I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am.
I don't live off of Budweiser, Beer Nuts and Spam.
I don't brag to my buddies about my erections.
I won't drive to Hell before I ask for directions.

I don't get wasted at parties, and act like a clown.
And I know how to put that damned toilet seat down.
I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt.
My belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut.

And I don't go around "re-adjusting" my crotch.
And yell like Tarzan when my headboard gets a notch.
I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind.
I'm a woman you see - I'm just not that kind!

I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing.
I don't have body hair like shag carpeting.
It dosen't grow in my ears or cover my back.
When I lean over you can't see 3 inches of crack.

And what's on my head dosen't leave with my comb.
I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome.
Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side.
I'm a woman, you know - I've got far too much pride!

And I honestly think it's a privelege for me,
to have these two boobs and squat when I pee.
I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball.
I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal.

I won't tell you my wife just does not understand,
or stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band.
Or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep,
then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep!

Yes, I'm so very glad I'm a woman, you see.
Forget all about that old penis envy.
I don't long for male bonding, I don't cruise for chicks.
Join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick.

I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful, it's true.
I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you!


im guna use these in my LA class :D :D :D :D

Noodles is gay
04-06-2005, 05:39 PM
oh my god.

Amanda
04-06-2005, 05:42 PM
lol!!!! I loved that, im gonna show it around! Where'd u get it newayz?

Editor Of God
04-06-2005, 05:44 PM
http://board.jokaroo.com/showthread.php?t=42448 and theres more on the page

Editor Of God
04-06-2005, 05:45 PM
1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX? (because they are plugged into a
genius)

2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX? (they don't have enough time)

3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG? (they don't stop to ask directions)

4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS? (because their balls
fall over their butts and they vapor lock)

You're laughing, aren't you?!?!

5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS? (so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)

6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN? (you need a rough draft before you
make a final copy)

7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN? (don't know.....it never happened)

C'mon, we laugh at your blonde jokes!

8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH? (because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)

JoY
04-06-2005, 06:36 PM
pretty entertaining. managed to get a smile on my face & once in a while maybe even a silly giggle. =) I'm indeed easily entertained.

Women

Every month again
We go through hellish pains
To find a bloody mess
But no, not a single complaint

Squeezes in our butts
Whistels, as we walk by
A quick hand to touch a boob
Still we don’t scream, or cry

Long live birth control
A pill a day keeps the kid away
For they aren’t exactly easy
To pop out, so to say

Hundred expectations
Of how we’re supposed to look
Thin with make up and too tight clothes
Not to mention we should cook

Oh yes, in the kitchen we belong
On our knees cleaning floors
Doing laundry and raising babies
Running to the stores

And when he finally comes home
Dead tired naturally
We bring tea and cookies
With endless energy

Then, when the day is done
And we can finally crawl to bed
We’re expected to entertain
Instead of resting our heads!

But on saturday nights
When he and his friends go out
Together they brag about how strong men are
So what’s that all about??!

because I felt like posting it.

Gordie
04-06-2005, 07:31 PM
its amazing how people get stereotyped isnt it?

Editor Of God
04-06-2005, 08:22 PM
yes it is but it is also very funny sometimes

ninth
04-06-2005, 09:26 PM
You're an idiot and your username is highly unnecessary.

Panzerfaust92
04-06-2005, 10:57 PM
God, this is clever stuff

Tomo
04-06-2005, 11:17 PM
Holy Crap! I like it. :D

dirtybird
04-06-2005, 11:23 PM
Awful... what I hadn't heard I wish I still hadn't heard.

Editor Of God
04-07-2005, 12:15 AM
well ya, this is what my fried shows me when im at his house. no i dont just go arownd the web looking for stuff like this... ok maybe sometimes.

dirtybird
04-07-2005, 12:16 AM
www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/kenya.php

Much more sophisticated... :rolleyes:

By the way, your signature isn't funny...

Editor Of God
04-07-2005, 12:19 AM
ooo i like it but check out this sweet ass end of the world flick

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/endofworld.html

dirtybird
04-07-2005, 12:36 AM
Old .

Editor Of God
04-07-2005, 12:55 AM
ya i gess ur right it at least 6 months old probably older.