I need advice
And yes, I'm asking you, because it is actually difficult to talk about it to IRL people.
It is a "My friend does this and I don't like it, what should I do ?" thread.
Here is the thing.
I have this friend that we will call X that I met 1st year of college, 12 years ago...
For 10 years, we've been real good friends with my other friend called Y that I met at the same time.
It was really great, though sometimes bumpy.
A few years ago, Y and me became lawyers. X followed another route. We always supported her. But she started getting depressed for a lot of different reasons. And she started to think that Y was an asshole.
They did a trip to the US together. When they came back, they weren't friends anymore and I became the kid with divorced parents.
That was almost 2 years ago and I've been very careful at not choosing any of them.
The problem is that now, X and I don't have much in common. And the fact that Y is out of the equation makes it really difficult.
I basically get incredibly bored when I see X and sometimes, she makes me angry and sad, namely by saying things about Y that I don't like to hear. We still see each other about once a week and it's difficult to slow things down because that's what we've been doing for 12 years.
Anyway, this is the 1st time in my life that I think I shouldn't be friend with someone anymore and I really do feel bad about it, especially because she was a once best friend.
So my question is : Did this even happen to you ? How did you deal with it ? Is it possible to stay a little bit friend but not too much ? Am I a horrible person ?
I know, I feel like a 12 year old.
I don't have any advice off the top of my head, but I'm a bit confused - you don't see Y anymore? Why not?
Oh no, I still see Y. A lot. Actually we get along really well... I guess I made a choice in the end.
Originally Posted by Llamas
So, despite X and Y not being friends for a few years, she still speaks badly about her on a regular basis? She sounds like a really bitter person.
This is a really tough situation, because not only have you been friends for so many years, but you see each other once a week. I can't imagine seeing someone I don't really like that often. Anyway, I would start off by telling X that you don't want to talk about Y anymore. Beyond that, I don't really have anything if that doesn't help, because...you don't actually have to be friends with this person.
I'm someone who gets extremely attached to strangers and finds it hard to let anyone go, so I know how hard it would have to be. The thing about time is it can easily cause people to grow apart. Even best friends have different experiences, develop different motivations and outlooks on life, and can just become incompatible with each other. It most certainly doesn't make you a bad person if you want to cut down on the time you spend with her.
I'm getting bored with myself, so I'm going to have to end this. :o Sorry if I didn't really say anything of value. But you will have to have a talk with X, which I've never been good at. Sooo good luck?
This sounds like 3 women who have gone their seperate ways. It happens. Sounds like X and Y had issues on their US trip. I will assume that of the two (x & Y), one is clearly prettier than the other. Which one is the grenade? Let's figure this out. I am assuming they are not lesbians.
Originally Posted by Harleyquiiinn
Try just taking a break from seeing her for a couple of months, then see how you feel. I have a friend, whom most of the time I love, but periodically she starts to grate my nerves constantly, so I find other things to do than hang out with her for a couple months. After that, its all good. Maybe it will be the same with your friend. Or maybe, you'll spend a couple of months without her and realize you don't miss her at all.
Thanks to all of you.
Just a little precision: Y is a guy and no, there was no sex stuff involved, ever.
I think taking time off is a good idea and I would do that. The problem is that X is the kind of person who plans ahead. Like "can we see each other this week end ? no ? then next week ? no ? then next week end ?"
and after a while, you run out of excuses...
Anyway, I actually know that this is not going to end well... at best, she's going to be mad at me because I won't see her that often and at worst, we will get into a fight which will end badly.
I guess I just needed to talk about it.
The thing is, I know friendship is not like being in a realtionship but when you know someone for a very long time, who has been a really big part of your life, it really feels like breaking up.
Ah, so it really doesn't have anything to do with Y... it's about ending a "friendship" with someone you don't wanna be friends with, but who keeps wanting to hang out with you. Yeah, that's a tough one. I'm sorry, I really have no idea what to do... I'm a pansy/asshole about that stuff and tend to just ignore until they get the hint, even though I know it's not the right way.
Make two new friends. Problem solved. Friendships come and go...and come back occaisionally. Twelve years is a good run. Hell, I don't have any friends and you're bitching about losing one or two.
No sex huh? Odd. Was that "guy" gay? Just strange traveling abroad with a chick and well you know...not traveling a broad.
[QUOTE=MOTO13;1500169]. Hell, I don't have any friends [QUOTE]
MOTO we have talked about this before and again that we are friends. I don't know why you keep forgetting that, it doesn't make sense.