So you guys called it...
It didn't work.
A little over a year ago I posted about issues in my relationship and asked for help and a lot of you guys said it probably wouldn't work out. It actually ended almost five months ago but I still cannot cope with it at all and it has not gotten any easier, it has been getting increasingly worse. If any of you guys have any ideas on what I should do to help, please let me know. I don't really know how to deal with a break up and I am still completely in love with him, despite knowing that he was a jerk to me at times and I probably shouldn't be. Now I'm going downhill and this was pretty much my last resort because I can't really deal with it and I really need some advice. It was kind of an interesting situation and from what I was told by my previous therapist and the school guidance counselor it was quite a bit different than a lot of break ups. It is also really hard because he was the first friend I really made at school and he was my best friend for three years before we even dated and we were together for two years and now I don't even have contact with him as a friend and that really sucks and makes it worse. He'd been the person that helped me through hard times for quite a while, and now he pretty much is the hard time.
***Side note: Please do not tell me to talk to a professional because I am trying but I had to switch therapists and the transition is taking longer than expected because the clinic didn't know if they should keep me with a pediatric therapist or an adult therapist but in the meantime I need to figure something out.
Thanks in advance for any advice. I'm not trying to throw more shit at you guys, I just don't really know what else to do and the few friends who know both me and my ex fairly well are just as confused as I am and they don't really know how I should try to cope with it and I feel like I am probably going to annoy them if I keep trying to get help from them.
Also, I don't feel comfortable writing a lot of details but I didn't know who I could really message and ask specifically either, so if you're one of the people I know and you need to know a little bit more of what happened, please inbox me so I know. Mainly though, I really just want to find some way to cope with this because it is really hard and at this point it seems like there is now distracting myself from thinking about him.
Posting something like this is not really a smart thing to do. However, it is clear that you posted this out of genuine desperation. I hope everyone else will recognize that and act like decent human beings.
I don't know you. I vaguely remember you used to post here, and I suspect I used to make fun of you, so I'm probably not someone you would expect any help from. And, actually, I don't know that I can be of any help to you because I really have no advice for you. I really have no answers. I wish I could tell you how to move on from a break up, I wish I could tell you how to stop loving someone who is bad for you, because I would really like to know those things myself.
You need to speak with a professional, which you already know and apparently you're working on it. Can you speed up the process? That really is your best course of action. Until then, if you're feeling desperate and have no one better to speak to, you can always pm me. Again, I have no advice or answers for you, but you can talk to me if you want to.
I hope this is an unnecessary precaution, but I have to say it; harming yourself in any way would only make your situation worse. You know that, right? If you feel that you're at risk of harming yourself you need to contact someone immediately, try the Samaritans if you don't have anyone else.
I've never really been heartbroken before, so I don't really know how you feel, but a few of my friends have felt something like that before (perhaps not so serious). All I know is that although it took a few of them months to get over it all, they eventually did, with time.
And although I've never been the one to be broken up with, and I've never really been truly in love with someone, I have experienced having to "move on" which can also be tough (nowhere near as tough as it is for you obviously).
I really think the best things to get over someone (or some experience) is to talk with people and keep busy with friends, or to immerse yourself in something new.
There's nothing better than being able to hang out with good friends for a few days, or get a new hobby and make new friends. After a bad breakup I joined the university archery team and that whole part of my life was forgotten because I was too busy meeting new people and going to competitions. So maybe you could do something like that? I also started reading a lot more, which kept me busy when I was alone.
You've probably heard that shit so many times, but I can only say it again. Keeping busy is the best thing you can do. I try keep as busy as I can these days, as I am the only single person out of my friends, so sometimes I get a bit down. But then I realise I have no responsibilities towards anyone significant other person in my life, no emotional blackmailing, no arguments, no wasting money on anyone but me, no jealousy... I sound bitter as fuck. But I'm not. I'm happy enough, and pretty soon I'm going away to Africa and then doing a PhD so I don't even have time for relationships. And you shouldn't ever need a relationship, because it's always good to be yourself and not part of someone else.
Wow, that sounded so disgustingly mushy. I make myself sick.
Just stay busy. I've never dealt with specifically what you are dealing with, but I know heartbreak. Just... stay busy... that is... until you can get the help you need.
I do music, but whatever works for you.
Be prepared for every option in your life and don't predict anything for the future. Now's the right time to live in the moment. Do all the things that make you happy. Do all the things that made you happy before you met him. Enjoy the crap out of it.
Dammit, even The Offspring, the reason of this BBS' existence, can help you with some hopeful lyrics:
It may be tough now, but not uncurable.
God Bless you sweetie. I know you are going through some shitty shit. The last thing you want to here is, what doesn't kill you only makes you tougher, keep busy, time will heal all, yada yada... From my experience in shitty times is to deal with it. One of the hardest things you will do in life is dealing with life. Accept the situation for what it is, and then accept that your life has changed. Then be honest about how you feel about all of it. Most importantly you have to acknowledge your feelings and why you feel the way you do. Also you need to release your emotions and feelings, is you have a great friend who will just simply be there to listen to you without judgement then confide in them, but if you don't then write down and burn it to cleanse yourself from the negative energy. It's a sad truth but no matter what, you are going through a difficult time in your life. You're gonna have to go through a mourning for your loss and that is something that only gets better with time and new experiences to fill your life. With all of my heart God Bless you. I've been there, I know you're pain, and 100% completely understand what you are going through. I will be there for you. PM first and then we can set up the best way for us to communicate, so I can be there for you when you need it. You will get through this and smile again. Just the fact that you made a brave move to post here what you are going through and were honest in needing help tells me that you will see happy days again. xoxoxoxox I'm gonna say a prayer for you too, if that's ok
Originally Posted by dexter12296566
Thanks guys, for your advice and acceptance of my post as well. Yellow, thank you a lot that was really sweet and Dave, you have no idea how much I listen to that song. It is actually something that has helped me through a lot. I have been trying to keep busy and I do a lot of art work now. I was actually planning on posting some of it. I also started playing bass a little bit again. Thanks, again guys.
Who is probably more attractive out of the two of you?
I'm not sure why that matters but you decide. I don't really know.
Originally Posted by bighead384
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Try to remember that every time you face problems/negative emotions in life, it is also an opportunity to derive something good from for the future. This may be hard to do right now, but imagine how you could be doing something today/tomorrow that makes you forget about the current feelings and provides relief. Bottom line: Focus on the future and not on the past!