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Thread: jokes

  1. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by Drummerguy123
    Need I say any more?
    good one, now people wont see my joke
    The more you suffer, the more it shows you really care right?

  2. #52
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    I already posted this joke in another thread but people seemed to like it

    A man is walking down the street and he sees a really hot woman. He goes up to her and says "I'd like to have sex with you" then the woman replies "I'm sorry but I can't, I'm a nun" a bus had just pulled into the bus stop and the bus driver had heard their conversation and the bus driver feeling sorry for the poor bloke tells him to go to church on Sunday, dress like a priest and tell the lady that God commanded then to sleep together. So the man goes to church on Sunday and dresses like a priest. He goes up to the lady and says "I talked to God and he said that I must have sex with you" then the lady replies "Well if God said so then I must obey" So the man and the woman have sex and after they have done it the man jumps up, rips off the disguise and says "Tada! It's the guy from the street!" then the lady jumps up and "Tada it's the busdriver!"


    Here's another one, it's a bit immature though

    A man is working at a resturant, then a man runs in and asks for a fork, so he give's the guy a fork then another man comes in asking for a fork, so he gives him one,then 5 more people come in asking for forks but then a man comes in and asks for a straw. The guy who works at the resturant says "Sure I'll give you one, but how come everyone else was asking for a fork?" then the other man replies "Someone threw up in the street and all the chucky bits are gone"


    and here's another good one

    Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, 'Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, a retarded boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. 'God Almighty !' shouted Mary and the teacher said, 'Very good' and Mary fell back to sleep. A while later the teacher asked Mary, 'Who is our Lord and Savior?' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'Jesus Christ!' shouted Mary and the teacher said, 'Very good,' and Mary fell back to sleep.Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, 'What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'


    If you wanna read some more of my jokes go to this page of my website, oh by the way I nicked someones testicle joke coz I thought it was funny, tell me your name and I'll mention you on my site http://www.piczo.com/thebrinkofinsanity?g=4890593&cr=2
    Quote Originally Posted by Drummerguy123

    WTF! Why am I listening to Smashmouth? I'm not high or drunk or anything! AAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
    Bought a packet of Snakes Alive the other day, open 'em up and their all dead - David "Hughesy" Hughs

  3. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by Telekinesis
    Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, 'Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, a retarded boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. 'God Almighty !' shouted Mary and the teacher said, 'Very good' and Mary fell back to sleep. A while later the teacher asked Mary, 'Who is our Lord and Savior?' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'Jesus Christ!' shouted Mary and the teacher said, 'Very good,' and Mary fell back to sleep.Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, 'What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'


    If you wanna read some more of my jokes go to this page of my website, oh by the way I nicked someones testicle joke coz I thought it was funny, tell me your name and I'll mention you on my site http://www.piczo.com/thebrinkofinsanity?g=4890593&cr=2
    that was classic! best joke all year! two thumbs up! hahahahaha!
    The more you suffer, the more it shows you really care right?

  4. #54
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    Quote Originally Posted by .:SMASH:.
    good one, now people wont see my joke
    Goddamn, you're fucking stupid.
    Quote Originally Posted by PilZ-E View Post
    Wait, now you're trying to tell us the clitoris exists?

  5. #55
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    Unhappy

    Two penguins were in an iceberg when a ray strickes and divides the iceberg in two. Now, sailing to opposite sides, they scream:
    - Good bye, penguin!
    - Good bye, KOOCHIE KOO!

  6. #56
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    I don't get that one...and I love penguins.

    One of my favorites is one that no one ever gets or laughs at. I'm convinced that the only two people who find it funny are me and the person who told me this joke:

    --

    A Rabbi, a Priest, a Mormon, an African king, and a Swedish nurse walk into a bar, each carrying a talking duck under one arm and a full grown tortoise under the other.

    The bartender steps back, asseses the situation, looks at all of them and says "...what the FUCK?!"

    --
    Quote Originally Posted by PilZ-E View Post
    Wait, now you're trying to tell us the clitoris exists?

  7. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by JohnnyNemesis
    I don't get that one...and I love penguins.

    One of my favorites is one that no one ever gets or laughs at. I'm convinced that the only two people who find it funny are me and the person who told me this joke:

    --

    A Rabbi, a Priest, a Mormon, an African king, and a Swedish nurse walk into a bar, each carrying a talking duck under one arm and a full grown tortoise under the other.

    The bartender steps back, asseses the situation, looks at all of them and says "...what the FUCK?!"

    --
    Hummm I think I might get it.
    www.alm-events.co.uk

  8. #58
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    A penguin was sailing on top of his iceberg when the unbelievable cold water white shark jumps out of the water and attacks the penguin. Instinctively, the penguin evades, but it's wing is caught by the shark's enormous jaws and the penguin is brandished in the air like a trophy. The warm blood of the penguin sprinkles the iceberg creating numerous red melted ice craters. The penguin feels it's skin shredding like it's not it's body that's being chewed.

    - It's not my body... QUACK!

    But it is. And the quack followed the sound of crumbling. It's just that the whole life flashing throught the brain and the adrenaline rush didn't leave room for the pain.
    Unfortunetly, the following last 7 seconds are pure misery and pain, until the penguin finally has a glimpse of a penguin's fin floating around in strange fluids, just before evrything turned black.

    In the distance, a sobbing scream is heard:

    -KOOCHIE KOO! LITTLE KOOCHIES! BOOOOHOOOO!

  9. #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by Offspring-Fanatic
    fine you may think its lame but people more my age would think it was funny.
    No we wouldn't. That joke wasn't even funny when I first heard it 5 years ago.

    ALSO:

    Two men walk into a bar. One's got a stork under one arm and a talking cat (who, might I add, was very suave and debonaire). The other has a foot tall man and a small piano. They both sit down and order a round as the cat smooth talks some ladies and the little man plays the piano. The bartender's just staring at them, before finally opening his mouth.

    He asks the first man with the cat and stork, "Okay, what's with the animals?"

    The man replies, "Oh there's a tree a while back that'll grant you one wish if you ask it!"

    The bartender is intrigued as to what the man wished for, however.
    "So, why exactly did you want a talking cat and a stork?"

    The man shakes his head and says, "This isn't what I wanted at all! I asked for a bird with long legs and a tight pussy!"

    The bartender just says "Well, I guess you should be careful what you wish for. He turns to the other man, and after staring at the small man playing the piano shrugs and says, "I give up, why would you want a little piano player?

    The man scoffs and says, "Why would I ever want a 12 inch pianist?"
    Last edited by coke_a_holic; 11-17-2005 at 01:27 PM.

  10. #60
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little_Miss_1565
    Q: What's the difference between a pile of bowling balls and a pile of dead babies?
    A: You can't shovel bowling balls with a pitchfork.

    Q: What's the difference between a Ferarri and a pile of dead babies?
    A: I don't have a Ferarri in my garage.

    Q: What's black and blue and doesn't like sex?
    A: The five-year-old in my trunk.

    OMFG!!!!! I friggin love dead baby jokes,
    Q: what is blue and pink and comes outin cubes?
    A: a baby in an ice compactor


    "Mommy's busy sweetie, go play in the freezer."

    Q: how many babies does it take to paint a house?
    A: trick question, it depends on how hard you throw em.

    Q: what is brown and bubbly and taps on glass?
    A: A baby in a microwave.-

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