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Thread: Dammit

  1. #1
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    Thumbs down Dammit

    after a period of 5.5 years of not having spoken to each other, I ran into a girl online that I know from the symphonic orchestra we used to play in. it was on a friendsite like Facebook, or whatever, except it's Dutch (not like it matters). we started talking, but since I was hurrying to get to a performance, I had to keep it short. she asked where we'd be playing & turned out it was in her neighbourhood. she came to check us out & I noticed something distinctively different about her.

    she was like an island, whether we talked or she was just sitting there, she made absolutely no contact at all, none. when approaching her, since I hadn't seen her in 5.5 years, she showed absolutely nothing. she turned her head from side to side, moved it like she was going through the motions, to give me the socially obligated three kisses. it's not unusual for people to get bored with the shallowness of expected social behavior, with politeness & courtesies, but this was creepy scary robot-style with a soft approving moan between every kiss I planted on each of her cheeks.

    next time we talked (online), I asked her about it, about if there was something going on that had changed her so much & what had happened to her in the past 5.5 years. I kind of just wanted an update, but one a bit more elaborate than; "hey, it's cool, I've graduated, done stuff & go to college now".

    well, I got one.

    first we started updating each other on what's happened all those years; her dad died, I figured that could possibly make a person pretty distant, so after a while we moved on to more recent updates & thoughts.. we got into these great conversations about everything & nothing at all. music, religion, politics, love - you name it. after sending massive messages back & forth (& I should've known there was something wrong, when someone sends me messages of the same length I send to her), slowly it becomes very, very clear this girl has developed serious psychoses. not just any episode of psychosis, but psychoses with the complete package; paranoid thoughts, incomplete & incorrect memories, delusions.. hell, if I had any voice in diagnosing anyone, I'd say she's schizophrenic as can be.

    seriously, you people may find it funny & perfectly suitable to call certain boardmembers delusional from time to time.. it's not funny when somebody actually IS delusional.

    at the time, although I suspected something was seriously wrong, the news still managed to catch me off guard. I found myself being interested in her condition, something I at the same time felt guilty for, & I got mildly worried. just mildly, because one can't get that worried over someone she hasn't seen or spoken in over 5 years, without having spent a single thought on her. appears our conversations ran so deep, she starts to trust me & tell me more & more. you can take it like a compliment, but in the mean time my worry grows with every message I get & my interest slowly switches with every message to even more worry. I've reached the point now, I'm scared to ask her any question about her condition at all, for the fear of unchaining something I definitely don't want to unchain.

    I sent an e-mail to her doctor, who finally agreed to send her through to mental health care, but the bastards released her again & now she's sending me these messages about how her voices are tormenting her. & I'm here, in Amsterdam, with about as much knowledge & experience on this as a golfball, & she thinks I'm freaking God for some reason, because I have a brain in my head & enjoy a good conversation. I've already told her a million times I can't help her & that I'll help her to find someone who can. I've told her I never meant to raise any expectations, that this was something I didn't know about before we started talking, but then she only sends me back messages with things like; "merry christmas" at the end. she says her voices respect me, both of them, & possibly underestimate me as their opponent.

    oh noes.

    not only am I just worried about the girl overall, now I feel somewhat responsible for her condition, because unknowingly I stirred things up, digged things out & if I don't do something quickly, I disappoint her on top. & who knows what will be the effect of that. this week I received an e-mail from one her voices, saying she can't be reached through telephone, because they've decided to take over, even signed with the voice his name. she must've been told to write me that, or this is getting a really complicated case with a mixture of multiple personality disorder. I forwarded the e-mail to her doc to see what she thinks. yesterday I received a text saying; "31, 32 ev." is there ANYONE that can think of what this code might mean?

    oh wait, I just thought of a possibility myself. maybe it's bookpages. I'll check on that later. anyway.. is there anyone here, anyone at all, that has some experience with schizophrenia? any severe mental illness would be close enough at this point. just tell me about it, please.
    Quote Originally Posted by Mark_Bryan_420 View Post
    TOUGH SHIT! YOU WANT TO BELIEVE,BUT CAN'T PROVE I'M A HOMO! BEIN' PURE DOESN'T PROVE I'M HOMOSEXUAL ASSHOLE!

  2. #2
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    I would continue trying to help her get some help. I think it would be a bit harsh to blame yourself for her symptoms becoming clearer. It could just be that she chose to hide them better.

    Watch out for yourself though. Since her voices called you their 'opponent'.

    I don't see why more can't be done to help her. wtf?

    And seriously the dutch cheek kissing thing would drive me crazy too.
    Quote Originally Posted by T-6005 View Post
    I do no be following, fortune prick me if I do no.

  3. #3
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    Wow, that's some heavy shit...
    I've been obsessed over by some chick who had attempted suicide a number of times.. it was the worst most agonizing shit ever.

    I'm glad it's over.

  4. #4
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    I'd say, continue trying to find someone that can help her, but don't let yourself get too close to her emotionally. The fact that she hasn't been able to find anyone that can help her so far isn't exactly the best sign, and some people with conditions like that really can't be helped, as sad as that is. Don't blame yourself for anything that might happen. She had the disorder before you started talking to her about it, you being there had nothing to do with it.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by wheelchairman View Post
    I would continue trying to help her get some help. I think it would be a bit harsh to blame yourself for her symptoms becoming clearer. It could just be that she chose to hide them better.

    Watch out for yourself though. Since her voices called you their 'opponent'.
    yes, she did hide them better. it's like her guard is down now. not completely, because in person she still behaves conform social norms. but it seems like I've pulled open an enormous trashcan with the stench of a thousand scrapheaps.

    argh, dammit, I do blame myself for not noticing earlier that every question & word on the subject could make her doubt herself & make her world of thoughts crumble like christmas cake. it was stupid of me to dive into it. I had no clue of what would happen. I can't help but feeling like it's extremely selfish to partly cause her to break down & then back off, now she's in so much distress.

    yeah, the word "opponent" works on my nerves as well. when I read that e-mail, I immediately was like; "uh, she knows where I live. I invited her to my place. *slaps forehead* well, can't say I have the right to be surprised when I find her on my doorstep any time soon to settle this battle." hey, I rather prepare for the worst & then find out it wasn't so bad.

    I don't see why more can't be done to help her. wtf?
    haha, wtf??
    if you have suggestions for me, speak up, boy!

    And seriously the dutch cheek kissing thing would drive me crazy too.
    yeah, I know, srsly...
    Quote Originally Posted by Mark_Bryan_420 View Post
    TOUGH SHIT! YOU WANT TO BELIEVE,BUT CAN'T PROVE I'M A HOMO! BEIN' PURE DOESN'T PROVE I'M HOMOSEXUAL ASSHOLE!

  6. #6
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    Gee, that's a pretty complicated situation.
    If I were you, I would keep trying to get some help to her. I know you haven't done this, but I guess you'd better not ignore her, you might be the only one she considers a friend.
    You shouldn't blame yourself, when you guys stopped talking to each other, you couldn't have guessed she would turn into what she is now, even if she already was like this when 5.5 years ago, you didn't know about it... and also, she lost her dad, which is pretty much tormentful

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by JoY View Post

    haha, wtf??
    if you have suggestions for me, speak up, boy!


    No I meant at the mental health clinic. Pump her full of drugs n' therapy.
    Quote Originally Posted by T-6005 View Post
    I do no be following, fortune prick me if I do no.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by JoY View Post
    yeah, I know, srsly...
    3 times? we only do it twice.. one on each side... why 3?

  9. #9
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    JoY, in my eyes you should not curse yourself for what you've done. It is normal that you asked her how it went and you could not know that she was in such a situation. I don't really know what to do, but I could ask a real psychiatrist. Could you maybe shorten up the story/problems to 1-2 sentences so I can easily explain the situation? I should get an answer / some advice on this by this evening.
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  10. #10
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    Keep your distance. You're not a doctor, so you can't really help her much. And it sounds like a good part of your willingness to try has to do with your guilt over the situation, not just genuine concern. If she's that skitzo she needs better treatment. Is she even on medication?

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