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Thread: Coming out... (?)

  1. #1
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    Default Coming out... (?)

    Yeah... No, I'm not a lesbian. I like guys, but I also am one. I've known for a really, really long time that despite being born with a vagina, I am a boy. I have not known for a really long time what transgender was though. It has been about 6 years though, since I knew I was transgender, but I've known I am a boy since I was about 3 or 4. I'm only posting about this because I need input from people on where to go from here. Only a few people actually know about this and I have received mostly positive reactions from the people I have told, but what now? Most of my family doesn't know. I'm already the black sheep and many of them are devout Catholics so I am really scared to tell them. I'm really sorry if this doesn't belong here or if you guys have no input or advice on how to deal with this. I just needed to tell some people so maybe someone who has been through a similar time can help me out.
    Quote Originally Posted by T-6005 View Post
    Reading this thread made me throw up.
    Because I'm already sick and the color scheme must have set me off. Sorry about that.
    Quote Originally Posted by XYlophonetreeZ View Post
    Also, sometimes I'm not sober. Sometimes I make threads when I'm not sober.
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    You're too late. I've already infiltrated the Offspring forums. Next, it's the world!
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    Cranking it into a red solo cup while watching 40 year old re-runs of I Dream of Jeanie all the while snorting black pepper and knocking back shots of Jack.

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    Well, as far as I know, I'm the only BBSer who had to deal with this kind of thing? And so few people are left here that I'm sure of it.

    I am gay, though, rather than trans. So obviously it's different. It's hard to give advice, but I'll say good for you, first off. Always glad to see people accept themselves - this is the most important step, that self-respect.

    Otherwise, I'd say... start by telling someone you know is going to support you. Tell a few such people. I'd imagine it's harder to find people who support trans people than gay people, but see what you can do. Save your family for last - friends first because they will be more accepting.

    Be prepared for bad reactions, but understand that the first step of coming out is the hardest part. As people start to realize it's not such a big deal after all, things just get easier.

    Don't expect too much too fast. I know trans people who expect everyone to respect their pronouns right away and get really offended when people use the wrong one. It will definitely take time for people to get used to the fact that you are a guy, and give them that time. Differentiate between people who need time, and bigots (which there will be a few of, especially if you're trans).

    I'm really glad you're embracing this, but also really sad that society is still very behind on this. I know it will be much harder for you than it was for me as a gay person. But I guess people are still a little more accepting of FTM trans folk than MTF. Best of luck.
    Quote Originally Posted by jsmak84 View Post
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  3. #3
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    Thank you.

    To be honest, I am always a little bit annoyed(for lack of a better term) when people in my situation get straight up angry or offended when people accidentally use the wrong pronouns for a while. I wouldn't expect someone who has been calling me "she" for nearly 21 years to not get a little bit screwed up at first. I'm honestly not sure when I will be open enough to go by male pronouns but I know I'm not ready yet.

    So far about 8 people know and only one has reacted even close to negatively so I am really lucky there. Even then, it wasn't really them being an asshole or anything. I think they are just surprised by it and need time to adjust so I'm okay with it.

    EDIT: I was originally going to be going on Tumblr to talk to some people about it but the LGBTQ community there(at least what I have seen so far) is far too extreme for me to handle. The open trans community is also mostly 13-16 year-olds(that I can find). I honestly don't feel comfortable talking about some of the issues I am worried about and my current confusions with a young teenager because I just find it inappropriate.
    Last edited by dexter12296566; 2 Weeks Ago at 08:56 AM.
    Quote Originally Posted by T-6005 View Post
    Reading this thread made me throw up.
    Because I'm already sick and the color scheme must have set me off. Sorry about that.
    Quote Originally Posted by XYlophonetreeZ View Post
    Also, sometimes I'm not sober. Sometimes I make threads when I'm not sober.
    Quote Originally Posted by Mega Man View Post
    You're too late. I've already infiltrated the Offspring forums. Next, it's the world!
    Quote Originally Posted by MOTO13 View Post
    Cranking it into a red solo cup while watching 40 year old re-runs of I Dream of Jeanie all the while snorting black pepper and knocking back shots of Jack.

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    Quote Originally Posted by dexter12296566 View Post
    Thank you.

    To be honest, I am always a little bit annoyed(for lack of a better term) when people in my situation get straight up angry or offended when people accidentally use the wrong pronouns for a while. I wouldn't expect someone who has been calling me "she" for nearly 21 years to not get a little bit screwed up at first. I'm honestly not sure when I will be open enough to go by male pronouns but I know I'm not ready yet.
    Of course. It's good that you have other people in mind on this. Of course it's not about them, but it's necessary to be aware of how society unfortunately views these things, and mindful of the fact that most people have never met a trans person and will be surprised/confused/etc.

    So far about 8 people know and only one has reacted even close to negatively so I am really lucky there. Even then, it wasn't really them being an asshole or anything. I think they are just surprised by it and need time to adjust so I'm okay with it.
    That's wonderful to hear!

    EDIT: I was originally going to be going on Tumblr to talk to some people about it but the LGBTQ community there(at least what I have seen so far) is far too extreme for me to handle. The open trans community is also mostly 13-16 year-olds(that I can find). I honestly don't feel comfortable talking about some of the issues I am worried about and my current confusions with a young teenager because I just find it inappropriate.
    Oh god yeah, avoid Tumblr. Honestly, I generally dislike the LGBT community as a whole. There are some exceptions, but there are just so many problems within that "community" (which it's really not). In fact, GLBT is the more appropriate acronym, based on representation - Gay men are most represented and fought for, Lesbians are a close second, Bisexual people are a distant third, and Trans people are minor. It's unbelievably how many gay people are closed-minded to bisexual and trans people. Furthermore, these communities believe that gay/lesbian/bi/trans is the leading identifier of themselves (whereas I consider many other things about myself more important than the fact that I dig ladies), and also think they are better than hetero/cis people. The number of LGBT members who don't associate with hetero/cis people is appalling. And as a gay woman who doesn't "look gay" and has mostly straight friends, I'm often marginalized by those people.

    If you'd like to talk more personally about this stuff, feel free to PM me.
    Quote Originally Posted by jsmak84 View Post
    I do not drink alcohol and coffee

    I do not smoke and do not do drugs

    I just do bumpin in my trunk

  5. #5
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    Default

    Congrats on your coming out, and continued coming out!

    I don't really have any advice, except that there will be plenty of people who will refuse to accept it, but a whole lot more who will accept it.


    Next week we are having a referendum on gay marriage and it sure has brought out all the religious loonies along with many hateful comments. But on the other hand there has been lots of very emotional and inspiring stories and a lot of support from people of all ages. So, I imagine, although maybe not to the same extent, there will be plenty support for you which will hopefully get you through the shitty parts of it. There are a few transgender people in Cork, mostly around your age, and if they can get by in this repressed country, then I'm sure you will be fine!

  6. #6
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    Thanks Alison. I am really happy that there s a growing support of LGBT. My biggest fear about coming out(I may have already said this, but I also messaged llamas so I don't know if I said it there) is that people will think I am just doing it to do it because I noticed a lot of comments like that getting thrown around last year when I was still in high school because nearly half the girls identified as males or gender fluid so I didn't want to come out. I do definitely think that some people do it just because it is popular though. Like pansexual. That wasn't a thing 3 years ago really and suddenly, everyone is pansexual around me. I mean, I always described my feelings toward people(or lack of most of the time) assuming I was just socially awkward and my friend told me that it is called demisexual(I doubt I will ever call myself that, but it makes sense) but I bet in 2 years, there are gonna be so many teens calling themselves that.

    It is hard to explain what I mean but if you spend a few minutes on Tumblr, you will probably understand if you don't already. This is one of those things like feminism(I guess?) where once it is pushed and accepted so many people seem to want to jump on the bandwagon and be a part of it. I know there are a lot of teens who identify as something and later change because they are confused. That was another reason why I waited so long to come out. I thought maybe I was just confused or maybe I was just a tomboy. But now I know differently.

    EDIT: I don't want to assume that teens are doing it just to do it and I know so many actually are what they identify as but in my school particularly it was kind of outrageous. And so many girls said things along the lines of "I am transgender because sometimes I like to wear boy clothes"
    Quote Originally Posted by T-6005 View Post
    Reading this thread made me throw up.
    Because I'm already sick and the color scheme must have set me off. Sorry about that.
    Quote Originally Posted by XYlophonetreeZ View Post
    Also, sometimes I'm not sober. Sometimes I make threads when I'm not sober.
    Quote Originally Posted by Mega Man View Post
    You're too late. I've already infiltrated the Offspring forums. Next, it's the world!
    Quote Originally Posted by MOTO13 View Post
    Cranking it into a red solo cup while watching 40 year old re-runs of I Dream of Jeanie all the while snorting black pepper and knocking back shots of Jack.

  7. #7
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    Really? Nearly half the girls identified as male or gender fluid?? I never knew it was the new thing! Even when I was in secondary school, not that many people would have said they were bisexual or something more "mainstream",

    It's tough to be taken seriously when it's just seen as a fad by others, and something you'll grow out of. Most things you do as a teen or in your early 20's can often be seen as you just following the crowd. And it may take a while for some to understand you're serious, but I think it's one of these things that will get a lot easier once you're in university and amongst like-minded people, and when people will take you seriously because you're an adult.

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    That is the most confusing thing to me though... People who fake being what they are not when it is a "popular" thing to do and then bitch about the criticism and the hate that they get and victimize themselves talking about how hard it is. For me, I am well aware people can be assholes and I am kind of afraid of my family's reaction, but I don't really care about other people. My parents accept it and most of my siblings accept it along with my few good friends so that is all that really matters. I don't care if I get hate or criticism, but I do want to be taken seriously. If somebody wants to be a jerk and call me a "fag" or whatever go ahead, but don't tell me that I will outgrow it or call it a phase.

    I am slightly worried about the reaction from some of the people from my old school though, because I kind of got a horrible reputation there as a homophobe all because our school participated in the Day of Silence against bullying. I later found out it was only to support bullying against the LGBT community and I thought that was wrong because bullying is an issue that affects everyone. If it is able to impact somebody else's life, I feel like they should be included or it is exclusive behavior. Straight/cis people are bullied too and they deserve support. I said that if they want to have a day of silence for LGBT, make it for an issue other people don't go through, like the struggle of living in the closet, or coming out.

    And it didn't really end there. We had an "equals club" at school which became a club for LGBT students. All the signs were rainbows and stuff. One day I showed up after another autistic student wanted support for his issues and was told it wasn't for that by two of the members. I told them that equals club was about ALL people being equal and not a club exclusively for LGBT and if they felt that way they could leave. This started a huge debate about how I had no authority and how the hell was I supposed to know what it was for, which was when the paperwork starting the club from 2008 was brought out and my name was in it. I was the one who began that club with the former dean and I became student leader of the school-wide anti-bullying committee. Because I said this group was not exclusively for LGBT students although they were always welcome, I got shunned by most of my LGBT friends and called homophobic. Apparently to most of the teens in the mainstream LGBT community, if you don't automatically put them on top, it is a hate crime. I wasn't even allowed to say anything back because they were gay or whatever and it would have been a hate crime so I would face automatic suspension and possibly expulsion because I was an adult and they were minors so I just kept my mouth shut.

    A few of them know now because after a while I finally just told one of the students who didn't totally hate me, a ninth grader, actually. He was also FTM but it was very obvious that he was not questioning or going through a phase. So yeah, I guess I kinda feared harassment from them because most kids from my high school end up at my college so I will most likely see them again, at least some of them, but I am hoping they grow up a bit.

    By the way guys, I am really not trying to complain or anything. It is just that I have been dealing with this for a long time and recently I just didn't have anywhere to turn to talk about this stuff and my frustrations. Even though my dad accepts it, he gets pretty upset when I talk about this stuff. I am going to be seeing a therapist though, so soon I should be able to get the help I need for it, but as of right now I am on a waiting list and I just needed to find someone who maybe understands. So Alison and llamas, thank you a lot for supporting me. I think it means so much more to me than you guys even realize.

    EDIT: I didn't really think until now to check Reddit. There are a few different forums on there that I might be able to talk to people through and it is probably a hell of a lot more mature than Tumblr.
    Last edited by dexter12296566; 2 Weeks Ago at 08:04 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by T-6005 View Post
    Reading this thread made me throw up.
    Because I'm already sick and the color scheme must have set me off. Sorry about that.
    Quote Originally Posted by XYlophonetreeZ View Post
    Also, sometimes I'm not sober. Sometimes I make threads when I'm not sober.
    Quote Originally Posted by Mega Man View Post
    You're too late. I've already infiltrated the Offspring forums. Next, it's the world!
    Quote Originally Posted by MOTO13 View Post
    Cranking it into a red solo cup while watching 40 year old re-runs of I Dream of Jeanie all the while snorting black pepper and knocking back shots of Jack.

  9. #9
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    Wow, I wish I had some smart advice to give you but I really don't know what to say that could help you... I wish you the best though, It must not be an easy time for you and I really hope it goes well. Coming out is a very brave thing to do. It shouldn't, but it is...
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    Quote Originally Posted by Harleyquiiinn View Post
    Wow, I wish I had some smart advice to give you but I really don't know what to say that could help you... I wish you the best though, It must not be an easy time for you and I really hope it goes well. Coming out is a very brave thing to do. It shouldn't, but it is...
    Thanks. As far as actually coming out to my dad(which was one of the reactions I worried about to be honest), I used the band-aid approach so I wouldn't have to over-think it and then be brave enough to go through with what I had played out in my head. We were just kind of talking about stupid stuff and then I was just like "Hey Dad, I'm transgender"... The only negative thing he had to say about it is that he thinks wearing a chest binder is gonna be extremely uncomfortable but I am very happy with the fact that he accepts it now. I always wanted to wear boy clothes and be one of the guys when I was younger and my parents didn't like it but now I know they were only trying to make it easier on me so I wouldn't get bullied. Now that I am an adult, they both accept it.
    Quote Originally Posted by T-6005 View Post
    Reading this thread made me throw up.
    Because I'm already sick and the color scheme must have set me off. Sorry about that.
    Quote Originally Posted by XYlophonetreeZ View Post
    Also, sometimes I'm not sober. Sometimes I make threads when I'm not sober.
    Quote Originally Posted by Mega Man View Post
    You're too late. I've already infiltrated the Offspring forums. Next, it's the world!
    Quote Originally Posted by MOTO13 View Post
    Cranking it into a red solo cup while watching 40 year old re-runs of I Dream of Jeanie all the while snorting black pepper and knocking back shots of Jack.

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