love and sex and aging

[Paint_It_Black]

When I was a kid I was obsessed with love. I was in love with love. With the idea of it. Someone actually was kind enough to point that out to me a long time ago. Anyway, back then sex didn't matter very much to me. Being loved and loving someone back was what mattered. I held monogomy in the highest regard.

Now, thirty is approaching me like a semi going the wrong way down the highway. Denial is wearing off. It's going to hit me. I will very soon be a man in my thirties. It freaks me out. And suddenly I'm checking out every woman I see.

I seem to have done things backwards. When I was a teenager I wanted to fall in love, get married, buy a house and have kids. That's all I wanted out of life. Now that I'm at an age where I'm supposed to want those things all I want is to party and get laid.

I think I'm a few years ahead of most of you here so I doubt anybody will really relate to the terror of my departing twenties. But I'm curious if anybody relates to this feeling of having done things backwards. And, in general, if anyone is as horrified by the concept and process of aging as I am.

I also wonder if this is basically an early mid-life crisis. And if it is, I wonder if I'll get over it and be essentially fine when I turn 40 or 50. Or if this panic will precede every passing decade. I have nothing to compare it to yet because, like most people, I was very pleased to get out of my teens. At that point there are imminent age related benefits to look forward to. And then they suddenly run out. Sure, my dad seemed excited to start getting senior discounts, but I think he was just trying to look on the bright side. I bet he'd take smooth skin and his original hips over cheap bacon and eggs if given the choice.

I'm also freaked out about having kids. If I don't do it soon I'll be an old dad. Lots of drawbacks to that. It's weird how this stuff all just rushes in at you. Early twenties you're carefree and everything is ahead of you. Late twenties all this shit gets a bit too real and it feels like time is running out. Or is that just me? Actually, I already know my best friend from high school feels the same way. But I'm curious what others think.

I feel like I just need one more decade. If I could start at 20 again I think I'd be ready for 30 next time. Maybe what I should take from this is start preparing for 40.

[WebDudette]

I kind of get where you are coming from. People always ask if I have a girlfriend or whatever and say things like 'man, if I was your age, I'd be out trying to fuck everyone' and I just don't think about it that much. Every time it comes up though, I worry that 10 years from now, I'll regret that I wasn't doing that and taking full advantage of my age.

I am not looking to get married, have kids, or get a house though. I don't plan on considering stuff like that for a long time. I guess I kind of like the idea of love, I'd like to be in an actual relationship, but I'm kind of too apathetic and cynical for it or something. I'm not an extraordinarily shy person (anymore), but I just don't really start conversations, flirt, or make any effort. It's not because I am afraid to or anything, it's just not something that ever crosses my mind.

[Paint_It_Black]

Every time it comes up though, I worry that 10 years from now, I'll regret that I wasn't doing that and taking full advantage of my age.

Worrying about a future regret is like regretting a regret that you haven't regretted yet. Even without the wordplay, it's really silly when you think about it. And yet I bet we're all guilty of it. I mean, right now, I don't need to immediately start having kids and yet I'm worried that if I wait too long I'll regret it later. Seems like I spend most of my time regretting things I've done or worrying about what I'm going to regret later.

It seems I need to learn to live in the moment. Always been bad at that.

[WebDudette]

Yeah, two of my biggest faults are over thinking things and worrying to much about the little things.

[Llamas]

I'm almost 27 and I'm in a serious relationship for the first time in my life. I can see this one possibly going somewhere, and that's absolutely a first for me. I think at my age, it's an okay time to find this. When I was in college, I partied a lot, fooled around with a lot of guys, and had a few short, not even remotely serious relationships. It's honestly only been recently that I've started feeling like I want something serious and that I'd really be happy to find someone I could be with for the rest of my life.

I dread turning 30 in three years... but I can't say I have regrets about how I spent my 20s. I'm not super hot and sexy, so to say I should've gone out and fucked tons of people isn't really that appealing, I guess. Plus I know people who did that and a lot of them actually regret it because it created baggage and problems when they actually tried to start a real relationship. So I dunno. I guess I'm pretty content about how I've done things in my 20s.

Clearly, I'm better than you. Or more realistically, I've just never been one to regret. There are tons of things I could've done differently, but I'm a big believer in the concept of the butterfly effect, and considering the fact that I really like my life, I wonder if I could've ended up here had things gone differently.

[Alison]

I regret spending two of my three years of college tied down in a relationship. At the end of it all, I realised I didn't even love him and had wasted my time (although I guess I didn't think like that at the time). I have since become a lot more cynical of love, and I secretly laugh at my friends who believe they are in love (yeah yeah, maybe I am just jealous). Although there is a part of me that wishes for something really romantic, but I know these things only really exist in the movies.

So now, I'm 20, and don't want to get married or have kids and have huge doubts that I'll ever find someone I would spend my life with or would spend their life with me.

But I guess I'm still young.

[Llamas]

I regret spending two of my three years of college tied down in a relationship. At the end of it all, I realised I didn't even love him and had wasted my time (although I guess I didn't think like that at the time). I have since become a lot more cynical of love, and I secretly laugh at my friends who believe they are in love (yeah yeah, maybe I am just jealous). Although there is a part of me that wishes for something really romantic, but I know these things only really exist in the movies.

So now, I'm 20, and don't want to get married or have kids and have huge doubts that I'll ever find someone I would spend my life with or would spend their life with me.

But I guess I'm still young.

You're 20, and already finished three years of college?? wtf... when do you start college in Ireland?

On this topic here, I have to admit that I'm hugely pessimistic about the idea of finding someone you can spend the rest of your life with - where both people actually want that. When I see how many marriages end in divorce, and how many people are in unhappy relationships after 20 or 30 years... it scares me. I feel like it's impossible.

[Al Coholic]

Oh yeah, start getting ready for your forties, because your thirties are gonna suck if you don't get married in like three years.

You'll want to attract somebody, but somebody who has more than a dozen eggs left. Before you know it, women your age won't be an option. They'll be desperate, and often coping with the idea of menopause with extreme alcoholism. You know who the crazyest, most annoying women at a bar are? They aren't 20-something chicks having fun. They're 30-something women on the borderlines of depression.

So you'll need to attract a younger mate. You kind of don't care anymore, since you're getting old. So you tell yourself, honestly, anyone in their twenties will do. Who are you to complain if she's hot and 10 years younger? To do this, though, you'll have to appear young. Here's the thing though:

Your hair is probably already thinning and you don't realise it.

You're probably not in your best shape. A luxury to this point of still being young is you don't have to be.

Your musical tastes are probably dated. Girls in their late teens and early 20's already don't know what you're talking about. You say you don't care about them now, but they'll be the ones that're 26ish when you're 33.

You're don't earn enough. Maybe you make a nice living, but if you earned enough, women in their twenties would look past the age difference to see you for who you really are - a great person. But for your income? You're just some old guy.

Your clothing doesn't really scream "young and still extremely fertile". No, actually, as you progressed through your twenties your apparel became more mature. And that was fine, it used to impress women how mature you were. Now it's not. Now those women your age are too old, and mature is a dirty word when you're that old and trying to snag a younger wife.

Then it happens. One day you look in the mirror, and you're wearing a yellow visor. A YELLOW VISOR. "Oh god, when did this happen" you think. As you inspect the rest of yourself...shorts, sandals, cheesy sunglasses. As you squint into the mirror wrinkles form around your eyes and forehead. You've got lil wayne in your cd player because it helps get you laid. You've got a steady coke connection for the first time in your life - because it helps get you laid. You were even considering buying a convertible. You work out everyday - you tell yourself it's for health and looking good but really, you lack the confidence to compete with 27 year old men. It's happened allright, you're 34.5 years old, single, and you're wearing a yellow visor.

[Alison]

You're 20, and already finished three years of college?? wtf... when do you start college in Ireland?

Around 18 or 19. But i have a friend who started when she was only just turned 17, and a friend who started when he was 21. Depends on optional years in school (we can skip 4th year), and a high enough amount of people end up repeating their final year of school too.



At the moment, I feel that I am going to wait it out as long as possible (unless something exceptional happens in the mean time), before I settle down with someone. But then...it's fine to say that when i am young and all my friends are still around. And if I end up alone and regretting that I didn't settle down, well, I can always console myself and think that if I got married or whatever, I'd probably end up hating the person anyway Bleak outlook.

[wheelchairman]

I've noticed that my clothing as opposed to getting more mature, has steadily degraded into sloppy and sloppier.

Perhaps this is because I am in a long term relationship. I certainly consider it a luxury.

A part of me hopes that our generation won't have the same ridiculously high divorce rate. I just hope that we learned not to be as dumb as our parents, and that society isn't forcing the same terrible cliches that it used to. And yet people who are too young to know any better are still getting married frequently and will in 5 years start a new wave of divorces.

If you think about it, the fact that you can get married at 18 but can't drink until you're 21 is completely nonsensical. Irresponsible marrying (underage marrying, if you will) certainly has ruined more lives than alcoholism, perhaps even leading directly to alcoholism.

The marriage age should be at least 25, if not higher.

And one final thought. I read an interesting enough article on the economics of dating in your 30s. Something to do with, if you're a male in his thirties whose sound of mind, then you have the pick of the litter with regards to women your age. Many of them recent divorcees. I don't know, it was years ago I read it.

Yeah I replied a long ass post without even addressing the main topic. But shit I'm 24, I can't even imagine how I'll feel when I near 30.