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Thread: Random Stories

  1. #1
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    Lightbulb Random Stories

    A start to novel. Let me know what you think-

    The air is cold. And empty. She has no means with which she can push those feelings aside. Family, friends, students and the small community all surround her with condolences and offer to help. But nothing can help. The remorse just seeps into her skin and lays dormant. It just waits for the times when she can finally begin to accept and grieve to reveal itself. Then, she turns to stone. She cannot connect with her husband. She cannot embrace her son. She cannot face herself in the mirror.

    The course is empty today- thank goodness. Loneliness seems to be her only friend these days. The wind picks up and then calms. She places the ball on the tee and lines her feet up. Turn your body as one unit, keep feet planted. Weeks after the accident she decided to take up golfing again. She was rusty and needed help getting back into it things. He was nice, the golf pro, kind. Maybe that’s why- No. She was emotional, and he was there for you. Steven wasn’t. Simple. Move on.

    She swings back and hits the ball. Routine. That is what she needs now. Wake up, make breakfast, get ready, busy work. Lather, rise, repeat. She plucks the tee out of the ground and starts to walk. The feeling of joy exists somewhere, she knows it. She saw it before the accident. Steven would smile, Riley would laugh. It used to spread across her face too, even make her hum while she washed the dishes after dinner. Now when she washes the dishes all she does is argue with Steven. He wants her to visit Riley at the Hospital. She can’t bring herself to do it. Besides, Doctor Messing said Riley would need the first two weeks to be alone. Alone doesn’t mean us, it means him. Only him.

    She mentioned traveling to Europe. Getting away, healing themselves. Riley wouldn’t be able to see anybody anyway, and he wouldn’t know the difference if they went away. But Steven wouldn’t stand for it. He treated her like a child. He said she was foolish to think it would be a good idea. Foolish. She told him she needed to go for herself, and if he wants to mope around waiting for his his son then, fine. Let him wait. He didn’t have to clean the bathtub. He didn’t have to scrub away at the tiles. He didn’t understand.
    She called the contractor after what happened to Riley. He cracked jokes to his partner about how the bathroom looked more like a Japanese flag then a bathroom- the perfectly white tiles stained with reddish brown spots everywhere. He had called it a shame. That he wouldn’t know what to do if one of his kids tried to off themselves.

    Thank god is what he said. She had heard it all through the wall. She approaches the ball and finds herself looking across into the pond. God had nothing to do with it. She remembers getting on her knees every night after the accident to ask the nonexistent-all-knowing figure in the sky for guidance. She would plead with him, ask him to find a way to make her see clearly. He could have done everything, but he did nothing. Riley still did what he did, regardless.

    Time and time again, she would ask herself where she went wrong. When things changed. They all used to be so happy. The perfect Hallmark family- that’s how her mother had described it.Her family the envy of all their friends. Now those same friends thank their lucky stars that they aren’t the ones that had to deal with one dead son, and another whose actions were too scandalous to mention. She takes a deep breath. They just smile like I’m too damned delicate to say anything to. Pretenders.

    She takes out the tee from her pocket and jams it into the soft earth. A breeze rustles the browning leaves. She picks up the ball. There is a ladybug on the side fluttering its wings. It crawls around the side of the ball and onto her perfectly manicured fingernails. These things are supposed to be lucky. She studies it. The small creature walks up her finger and settles on her ring. She can’t help but laugh.
    Last edited by TheJakes84; 05-24-2012 at 07:24 AM.

  2. #2
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    141. Calling Out Hipsters
    The Betches on Mar 14, 2012

    The List

    As you all know, we’ve thoroughly discussed who the betch is and her amazing ways. But now it’s time to delve into the only thing worse than a nice girl, the anti-betch, more commonly known as the hipster. Don’t know what a hipster is? We’ll paint a picture for you. While we’re ordering our iced coffees at Starbucks, they’re usually the bearded barefoot guys in a corner, wearing tank tops that they boughtin the infant section of American Apparel. If they weren’t updating their Tumblrs on their 17” Macbook Pros you’d probably mistake them for homeless men.

    Hipsters live in a constant state of competition with each other for who can drop the most obscure reference (we would give an example but we don’t know any), articulate the most deep thought, or make the strongest statement about hating the man through their ironic choice of uncomfortably tight consignment jeans.

    Speaking of these jeans, can someone please tell us why there is a need to cuff them. Do you just happen to enjoy the color of the lower half of your calf as it loses circulation? Someone give us the answer to this inexplicable wardrobe riddle.

    I don’t need shoes, I fucking run this coffee shop on Foursquare.
    How about those glasses….Everyone knows what we’re talking about. It’s the thick black square frames everyone wears to denote themselves as a hipster.

    You know, because we couldn’t tell you were “alternative” based on your unbuttoned flannel exposing your bare chest, Dan Humphrey. FYI, your chest is not a shirt, even if it says something really profound like “I don’t know where I’m going next” or“we are all made of stars.”I’ll tell you where you’re going next: Hell, or back to Williamsburg.

    [Side Note: The best is those girls who want to nurture their inner hipster a little bit so they buy the large-rimmed glasses to match their flannel shirts from LF. In most of these cases you can almost guarantee the lenses have no prescription. The only thing worse than hipsters are halfway-hipsters.]

    We’ll even go so far as to argue that, for all their environmentalist bullshit, hipsters are actually causing pollution. In fact, we’ve recently submitted a subsection to the Wikipedia page for An Inconvenient Truth entitled Hipsters: The Only Greenhouse Gas You Can See.

    Yeah because getting fucked up on ambien and talking about existentialism is wayyyy better than drinking…

    Also, why do they have to ride their bikes everywhere? It’s like, get a fucking car you’re from the suburbs. Our parents should feel lucky that we at least spend our money on Chanel bags and sick jewelry. Hipsters on the other hand, probably spend just as much, but to make themselves look fucking poor. $120 for a haircut to appear as if I haven’t cut it in 3 years?! Count me in.

    Sorry hipsters, if you were as poor as you claim, you would have to get a job and would have way less time to smoke Parliaments on your stoop. Stoop kid’s afraid to leave his stoop!

    Anyway, it’s time to denounce this weird ass breed of human, who dress in uniform and whose goals are to be as different as humanly possible. Clearly they haven’t had a chance to double check their logic when it comes to their objectives in life. Note to hipsters: we see through your desperate attempts to protest consumerism by buying clothes with as little fabric as possible, and we feel you on that. Less fabric = better.

    But everyone knows dressing like a slut as a girl gets you fucked, dressing like a slut as a guy lands you at a small cafe discussing the symbiotic relationship between Nietzsche and Faust.

  3. #3
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    cred: funnyordie

    A congressman was seated in first class next to a little girl on an airplane. He turned to her and said, “Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”

    The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, “What would you want to talk about?”
    “Oh, I don’t know,” said the congressman. “How about global warming, universal health care or stimulus packages?” as he smiled smugly.

    “OK,” she said. “Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?”

    The legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it and says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”

    To which the little girl replies, “Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming, universal health care or the economy when you don’t know crap?”

    Then she went back to reading her book.

  4. #4
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    Daydreamer- sitting on the sea, soaking up the sun- he is a real lover of making up the past and feeling up his girl like he’s never felt her figure before. A jaw dropper, looks good when he walks, is the subject of their talk; he would be hard to chase, but good to catch and he could change the world with his hands behind his back, oh.

    You can find him sittin’ on your doorstep, waiting for a surprise. And he will feel like he’s been there for hours…And you can tell that he’ll be there for life.

    Daydreamer- with eyes that make you melt, he lends his coat for shelter; Plus, he’s there for you when he shouldn’t be, but he stays all the same, waits for you, then sees you through.

    There’s no way I could describe him. What I’ll say is just what I’m hoping for.

    But, I will find him sittin’ on my doorstep, waiting for a surprise. And he will feel like he’s been there for hours… And I can tell that he’ll be there for life
    And I can tell that he’ll be there for life~

    Daydreamer-Adele

  5. #5
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    Get a blog where you can waste precious Internets writing things no one will ever read.
    Quote Originally Posted by Tijs View Post
    Sometimes I love Jojan <3
    Quote Originally Posted by Amiralanal View Post
    Jojan is not ignorant. He is the king. You are the enemy.
    Quote Originally Posted by PilZ-E View Post
    I appreciate Jojan.
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    Jojan you are my favorite!!
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    Jojan fucking owns!
    Quote Originally Posted by Jebus View Post
    jojan's right boob = hawt
    Quote Originally Posted by Krojd View Post
    Jojan, you are awesome
    Quote Originally Posted by yarock View Post
    Jojan für den Sieg.
    Quote Originally Posted by KickHimWhenHe'sDown View Post
    I like Jojan's signature.
    Quote Originally Posted by Defender View Post
    Jojan for President!
    Quote Originally Posted by Sidewinder View Post
    I actually think Jojan is pretty funny in his own right.
    Quote Originally Posted by TheJakes84 View Post
    Jojan's signature is the longest and most beloved. <3
    Quote Originally Posted by KickHimWhenHe'sDown View Post
    Maybe because it came from Jojan, and Jojan rules.
    Quote Originally Posted by "Melyssa K" Kennedy View Post
    Jojan is right
    Quote Originally Posted by -Ignition- View Post
    Jojans planer låter bra.

  6. #6
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    Well done. I didn't read it, but all those letters made it impressive enough. Keep up the good work, you'll be famous one day.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jojan View Post
    So really, The Offspring is only Ron. The rest of the band left. O_o
    Quote Originally Posted by XYlophonetreeZ View Post
    For selfish reasons, I hope he's really dead. I really don't want to become known as "That guy who keeps making premature death threads for ethnic-looking dudes."

  7. #7
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    Your very creative

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jojan View Post
    Get a blog where you can waste precious Internets writing things no one will ever read.
    How rude of you and prude I demand justice rights. You hurt my feelings.

    Quote Originally Posted by KickHimWhenHe'sDown View Post
    Well done. I didn't read it, but all those letters made it impressive enough. Keep up the good work, you'll be famous one day.
    Thought I'd share it with ya'll folks. <3 <3 <3 <3

    Quote Originally Posted by Mkeyfin View Post
    Your very creative
    Thank you.
    Last edited by TheJakes84; 05-24-2012 at 07:23 AM.

  9. #9
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    she used the same space you use with a 10ch post... people don't read your signature either and it's alway that long. you don't get along with her, always having a not so cool attitude with her.

  10. #10
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    I turned on that thing where it hides people's signatures, but then I missed Jojan's, so I turned it back off again.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jojan View Post
    So really, The Offspring is only Ron. The rest of the band left. O_o
    Quote Originally Posted by XYlophonetreeZ View Post
    For selfish reasons, I hope he's really dead. I really don't want to become known as "That guy who keeps making premature death threads for ethnic-looking dudes."

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