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Thread: Is it unreasonable to refuse to hangout with couples?

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  1. #1
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    Default Is it unreasonable to refuse to hangout with couples?

    Not to long ago a good friend of mine started dating another friend of mine. I hungout with them a few times before telling her that I wasn't really down to hangout with just them anymore. Apparently she took this pretty hard, she said I was getting worked up over nothing, being an asshole, being a crybaby, etc. Wow, it sounds a lot worse than it was, she said all these things, but over the course of weeks and not in an upset tone or anything. Anyway, it's nothing like that, I just simply do not enjoy hanging out with couples. I told her if they were going to be with even just one or two other people I'd totally be done, but just the two of the was I enjoyable and a little awkward. Still, she thinks it's a out of spite or jealousy or something.

    Shortly after they started hanging out I was talking to another good friend and he randomly brought them up and how he doesn't like hanging out with them. He and his girlfriend* went on some kind of double date with them and apparently they really didn't like it. He also told her that he didn't want to hangout with just the two of them, albeit in a much more rude way.

    So I guess what I want to know is, am I being unreasonable and selfish? Should I have tried avoiding them as much as possible and keeping my mouth shut? Should I have just taken one for the team, continued to hangout with them, and not mention it? I don't know, I figured honesty was the best option, maybe not. At no point was I ever upset about them, but she's certainly upset now, and her boyfriend thinks I hate him.

    *I don't like hanging out with just the two of them either.
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    I don't think its unreasonable. My good friend has a new boyfriend. I almost never accept an invitation to chill with her anymore because she almost always brings him along, most of the time not bothering to mention he'll be there. I like her, but she always acts so 'coupley' with her boyfriends... like i'm not even around. There is nothing worse than being the third wheel on what feels like a date for them.
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    I think what some couples don't understand is that it has nothing to do with jealousy or hating couple or whatever. It creates a weird dynamic that I'm not interested in or particularly comfortable with. I don't enjoy hanging with two people who are best friends if it's going to make me feel like an outsider either. I also have good friends whose friends I loathe, I've told them this and that I have no intention of hanging out with them when they are with those friends. Obviously I don't dislike them, I just don't enjoy being in that position with other people.
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  4. #4
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    I think it all depends on the people's personalities and the way that they're altered once they're in relationships. Because that's different for everybody. In general, the less often they invite you to hang out with them, the more comfortable it should be. My best female friend has had a couple of boyfriends. Her old boyfriend was a guy that I liked personally, but she would always text me to come hang out with them. Always. And it was because she didn't actually have that much of a connection with the guy and needed me to prevent her from boredom. In contrast, her newer boyfriend is kind of a dumbass and I can't say I care for him that much. He's tolerable in person, but he's kind of a screw-up and he always makes really inflammatory and offensive facebook posts. That being said, something has managed to keep them together for a long time and they seem able to function on their own. I still keep in touch with her, but I've only hung out with them a few times and none have been awkward at all.
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  5. #5
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    The only real problem I have with hanging around with couples is feeling like a third wheel. Like a tricycle but not fun.

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    I think that it depends on the type of couple you are hanging out with, but I find that the couples that are not awkward to hang out with are definitely the exception... mostly it is either awkward or lame. It does usually make things better to have a couple more people around that are not in a romantic relationship with one another.


    Quote Originally Posted by Lizardus View Post
    The only real problem I have with hanging around with couples is feeling like a third wheel. Like a tricycle but not fun.
    Wouldn't it be more fun to feel like a bridge pillar? (I would expect that Lizardus gets this :P)
    Last edited by ad8; 08-20-2012 at 01:04 AM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by _Lost_ View Post
    I don't think its unreasonable. My good friend has a new boyfriend. I almost never accept an invitation to chill with her anymore because she almost always brings him along, most of the time not bothering to mention he'll be there. I like her, but she always acts so 'coupley' with her boyfriends... like i'm not even around. There is nothing worse than being the third wheel on what feels like a date for them.
    I had this problem with two friends of mine. Luckily one of them is not a friend anymore. I hate the fact that people think I should accept my friends and their lovers as a package. So I invite my friend for tea or gossip or shopping for lingerie, something girly I mean, and she comes over with his boyfriend who absolutely has no manners and can't even make small talk and of course gets bored quickly so he starts to demand all of my friend's attention and the whole afternoon they make out in front of me. And I have to add, in both cases boyfriends were not new, the relationship was at least 2 years old. Anyway, being annoyed by this and being honest about it automaticly makes you jealous and not a good friend. I absolutely hate any kind of public displays of affection. I think it's completely unnecessary and people who do it too often are usually insecure about their relationship or secretly want to be watched.

    And slightly off topic but the fact that you should share all your secrets with your loved one doesn't exactly mean you should also share your friends' secrets with him too. But apparently this is not a common thought among girls.
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    The current duration of the relationship is a major factor in this, I think.
    Like I have one friend who's girlfriend I kinda really don't like (nobody does, I doubt he even does) but I have no problem hanging out with him when shes around because they've been going out for like 8 years, so there's really no awkward coupley stuff going on.

    If a couple is going out a few months or something then fuck that.

    My girlfriend is friends with all my friends at this stage too, so there's no awkwardness there at all. My bestfriend, and his ex, and me and my girlfriend would chill as a four piece all the time, once they broke up, we just chill as a three piece a lot of the time and it's not awkward for anyone. It'd just be weird to be all over each other in someone elses company, I'd feel about as uncomfortable as the third wheel. I've been out at bars and whatever with just my girlfriend and bumped into friends who are considerate enough to ask like "Hey man we're not intruding are we? Do you want to be left alone?" that kind of thing. I appreciate the consideration and all, but don't be ludicrous. If we wanted to be alone we wouldn't be in a bar.
    Last edited by mrconeman; 08-22-2012 at 04:53 PM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrconeman View Post
    The current duration of the relationship is a major factor in this, I think.
    Like I have one friend who's girlfriend I kinda really don't like (nobody does, I doubt he even does) but I have no problem hanging out with him when shes around because they've been going out for like 8 years, so there's really no awkward coupley stuff going on.

    If a couple is going out a few months or something then fuck that.

    My girlfriend is friends with all my friends at this stage too, so there's no awkwardness there at all. My bestfriend, and his ex, and me and my girlfriend would chill as a four piece all the time, once they broke up, we just chill as a three piece a lot of the time and it's not awkward for anyone. It'd just be weird to be all over each other in someone elses company, I'd feel about as uncomfortable as the third wheel. I've been out at bars and whatever with just my girlfriend and bumped into friends who are considerate enough to ask like "Hey man we're not intruding are we? Do you want to be left alone?" that kind of thing. I appreciate the consideration and all, but don't be ludicrous. If we wanted to be alone we wouldn't be in a bar.
    Yeah, I was thinking that this can be a huge part of it. I have friends who've been together since long before I met them, and it's often even more fun to hang out with both together. But newer couples can get really tiresome. I also think age and maturity plays a role, as well.
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  10. #10
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    I agree, I think it really depends on the couple, and not couples in general. My boyfriend and I are super self-conscious about this and don't get all OMG MAKE OUT NOW WITNESS OUR AFFECTION...then again, we are also mad old.
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