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Thread: Is it unreasonable to refuse to hangout with couples?

  1. #1
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    Default Is it unreasonable to refuse to hangout with couples?

    Not to long ago a good friend of mine started dating another friend of mine. I hungout with them a few times before telling her that I wasn't really down to hangout with just them anymore. Apparently she took this pretty hard, she said I was getting worked up over nothing, being an asshole, being a crybaby, etc. Wow, it sounds a lot worse than it was, she said all these things, but over the course of weeks and not in an upset tone or anything. Anyway, it's nothing like that, I just simply do not enjoy hanging out with couples. I told her if they were going to be with even just one or two other people I'd totally be done, but just the two of the was I enjoyable and a little awkward. Still, she thinks it's a out of spite or jealousy or something.

    Shortly after they started hanging out I was talking to another good friend and he randomly brought them up and how he doesn't like hanging out with them. He and his girlfriend* went on some kind of double date with them and apparently they really didn't like it. He also told her that he didn't want to hangout with just the two of them, albeit in a much more rude way.

    So I guess what I want to know is, am I being unreasonable and selfish? Should I have tried avoiding them as much as possible and keeping my mouth shut? Should I have just taken one for the team, continued to hangout with them, and not mention it? I don't know, I figured honesty was the best option, maybe not. At no point was I ever upset about them, but she's certainly upset now, and her boyfriend thinks I hate him.

    *I don't like hanging out with just the two of them either.
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  2. #2
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    I don't think its unreasonable. My good friend has a new boyfriend. I almost never accept an invitation to chill with her anymore because she almost always brings him along, most of the time not bothering to mention he'll be there. I like her, but she always acts so 'coupley' with her boyfriends... like i'm not even around. There is nothing worse than being the third wheel on what feels like a date for them.
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    Or what? Or you'll leave as soon as someone returns your rudeness and delete all your posts? I'm so scared.

  3. #3
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    I think what some couples don't understand is that it has nothing to do with jealousy or hating couple or whatever. It creates a weird dynamic that I'm not interested in or particularly comfortable with. I don't enjoy hanging with two people who are best friends if it's going to make me feel like an outsider either. I also have good friends whose friends I loathe, I've told them this and that I have no intention of hanging out with them when they are with those friends. Obviously I don't dislike them, I just don't enjoy being in that position with other people.
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  4. #4
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    I think it all depends on the people's personalities and the way that they're altered once they're in relationships. Because that's different for everybody. In general, the less often they invite you to hang out with them, the more comfortable it should be. My best female friend has had a couple of boyfriends. Her old boyfriend was a guy that I liked personally, but she would always text me to come hang out with them. Always. And it was because she didn't actually have that much of a connection with the guy and needed me to prevent her from boredom. In contrast, her newer boyfriend is kind of a dumbass and I can't say I care for him that much. He's tolerable in person, but he's kind of a screw-up and he always makes really inflammatory and offensive facebook posts. That being said, something has managed to keep them together for a long time and they seem able to function on their own. I still keep in touch with her, but I've only hung out with them a few times and none have been awkward at all.
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  5. #5
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    The only real problem I have with hanging around with couples is feeling like a third wheel. Like a tricycle but not fun.

  6. #6
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    I guess it really depends on couple and how comfortable you are with them.

    With of one my really good friends from work whenever me her and her boyfriend ( I am friends with her boyfriend too, but just alot better friends with her) all go out I have such a good time. They never make me feel like the 3rd wheel.

    But with my best friend she really can't understand why if I'm over at her house and he boyfriend comes home why I leave. It is because I feel so uncomfortable and it is so awkward. I do feel like that 3rd wheel with them and he kinda makes it known. If we are in back room talking he will be in and out/making noises/calling for her and she has to go be by him. That's not fun for me. What I don't really don't like is when they both are all over eachother/making out right in front of me.

    Like I said it all depends on the couple. Some are a blast to hangout with and some are just uncomfortable.

  7. #7
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    I understand where you are coming from and share that sentiment. I find hanging out with a couple uncomfortable. It's that awkward third wheel feeling. Part of me wants to hang out with my two friends, but the other parts wants to leave and give them their space.

  8. #8
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    Maybe I'm misinterpreting it, but it sounds to me like you just don't like hanging out with THIS particular couple, rather than all couples. Some people are hopelessly obnoxious in a relationship, and they make it uncomfortable for anyone to hang out with them. I've always made a point of acting platonic with my partner when around friends, no matter how new or exciting a relationship is. I don't act any differently whether single or not (and my friends confirm this without a doubt). But I totally know couples like the one you've described, and they're insufferable and you just wish they'd break up so you could hang out with either or each of them like normal again.

    If I'm misinterpreting it and you really just don't like to hang out with couples at all, then that's super weird and it sounds very pessimistic and jealous.

    Also, pet peeve - "hangout" is a noun, as in a place you go to hang out. "hang out" is a phrasal verb, as in what you do with friends. "hungout" is not a word. "hung out" is the past tense of "hang out". Okay, I feel better now.
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  9. #9
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    I have a girlfriend, and I absolutely HATE when my friends runaway from me just because she's nearby. I'm, or we're, not the kind of couple who makes anyone feel like the third wheel, we don't keep kissing or hugging all the time or anything when my friends are nearby, and we do that on purpose so that our friends don't feel akward. Yet, they still runaway from us as if we make everyone uncomfortable.

    I hate that.
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  10. #10
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