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Thread: Is it unreasonable to refuse to hangout with couples?

  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by DMelges View Post
    I have a girlfriend, and I absolutely HATE when my friends runaway from me just because she's nearby. I'm, or we're, not the kind of couple who makes anyone feel like the third wheel, we don't keep kissing or hugging all the time or anything when my friends are nearby, and we do that on purpose so that our friends don't feel akward. Yet, they still runaway from us as if we make everyone uncomfortable.

    I hate that.
    That's ultra lame of them if you're not behaving all coupley and annoying... I don't understand that attitude.

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  2. #12
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    I think Lost had the key word here which is "new".
    A "new" couple might have problems keeping their hands off each other so... not very fun to hang out with.

    After a while though, the couple takes enough maturity to notice a third person.

    It is also a matter of age I think. When you are a teenager and in a couple, it's basically the only important event in your everyday life.

    Anyway, it's just my experience. I got with my boyfriend when I was still almost a teenager and I'm still with him now that I'm reaching 30. I completely noticed the difference and accepted it. Back at the beginning, I think it was completely annoying to hang out with us despite our best efforts (although it is also true that some of our friends were just uncomfortable because we were a couple eventhough we would not even look at each other).

    Now, I think people are completey ok with the idea of coming over for a drink as the third person. They grew up and we also grew up as a couple. No one refused in a long time anyway... But that is also because we make excellent mojitos.
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  3. #13
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    There's always the jealousy factor too you know. Mostly in my case, I think my friends are jealous that don't have girlfriends, so they don't like seeing me with mine. Yes it is stupid but that's the way people are I guess.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Llamas View Post
    Maybe I'm misinterpreting it, but it sounds to me like you just don't like hanging out with THIS particular couple, rather than all couples. Some people are hopelessly obnoxious in a relationship, and they make it uncomfortable for anyone to hang out with them. I've always made a point of acting platonic with my partner when around friends, no matter how new or exciting a relationship is. I don't act any differently whether single or not (and my friends confirm this without a doubt). But I totally know couples like the one you've described, and they're insufferable and you just wish they'd break up so you could hang out with either or each of them like normal again.
    Quote Originally Posted by Llamas View Post
    That's ultra lame of them if you're not behaving all coupley and annoying... I don't understand that attitude.
    I've found that there are very few couple I enjoy hanging out with, but that's very possibly related to my age and the age of those around me. I also do not find that it's generally an issue of them being too physically affectionate, I mean that happens, but not so much with the two couples I'm talking about. I don't think most couple are as platonic as they'd like to thing, one of my good friends would only ever kiss his girlfriend if people weren't looking and they never really talked about anything relationship wise, but it was still uncomfortable hanging out with just the two of them, even though I liked them both. Of the two couples I referred to in this thread one is my best male friend and his girlfriend who I enjoy and the other is my best female friend and her boyfriend who I have known and been friends with for years, I am also currently talking to a girl. I also talk to them both frequently and see them often, I don't think it's a jealousy thing. Anyway, like I said, it's not really an affection thing or a physical thing. There are just different dynamics involved in a relationship like that, that make being a friend on the outside a little tiresome. Usually it can be fixed by adding just one more person, then it's not a couple and me. Although sometimes, that makes the couple think it's cool to do whatever because they don't have to entertain one party, so then two people are frustrated. That happened a lot with myself, my best friend, his then girlfriend*, and her friend.

    Quote Originally Posted by DMelges View Post
    I have a girlfriend, and I absolutely HATE when my friends runaway from me just because she's nearby. I'm, or we're, not the kind of couple who makes anyone feel like the third wheel, we don't keep kissing or hugging all the time or anything when my friends are nearby, and we do that on purpose so that our friends don't feel akward. Yet, they still runaway from us as if we make everyone uncomfortable.

    I hate that.
    My bestfriend dated a girl* in highschool that we all hated. Seriously, she was the least interesting person of all time and just took up space. It had absolutely nothing to do with him having a girlfriend, we just didn't like her. Do you friends dislike your girlfriend? Alternatively, as I told llamas, I don't think most people are as platonic as they'd like to think and it's not always related to physical affection. That said, I know nothing about you, your girlfriend, or your friends, I'm just letting you know how it's been from my perspective.

    I just want to clarify once more, because it seems like people are getting defensive, I don't want them to change their relationship to suit me. I'm not upset about this, nor do I hope they break up. I'm just not interested in spending time with just exclusively the two of them. Also, I'm sure it has plenty to do with our ages, the length of their relationships, maturity levels, and half a dozen other things.
    Last edited by WebDudette; 08-18-2012 at 06:59 PM.
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  5. #15
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    I think that it depends on the type of couple you are hanging out with, but I find that the couples that are not awkward to hang out with are definitely the exception... mostly it is either awkward or lame. It does usually make things better to have a couple more people around that are not in a romantic relationship with one another.


    Quote Originally Posted by Lizardus View Post
    The only real problem I have with hanging around with couples is feeling like a third wheel. Like a tricycle but not fun.
    Wouldn't it be more fun to feel like a bridge pillar? (I would expect that Lizardus gets this :P)
    Last edited by ad8; 08-20-2012 at 01:04 AM.
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  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by _Lost_ View Post
    I don't think its unreasonable. My good friend has a new boyfriend. I almost never accept an invitation to chill with her anymore because she almost always brings him along, most of the time not bothering to mention he'll be there. I like her, but she always acts so 'coupley' with her boyfriends... like i'm not even around. There is nothing worse than being the third wheel on what feels like a date for them.
    I had this problem with two friends of mine. Luckily one of them is not a friend anymore. I hate the fact that people think I should accept my friends and their lovers as a package. So I invite my friend for tea or gossip or shopping for lingerie, something girly I mean, and she comes over with his boyfriend who absolutely has no manners and can't even make small talk and of course gets bored quickly so he starts to demand all of my friend's attention and the whole afternoon they make out in front of me. And I have to add, in both cases boyfriends were not new, the relationship was at least 2 years old. Anyway, being annoyed by this and being honest about it automaticly makes you jealous and not a good friend. I absolutely hate any kind of public displays of affection. I think it's completely unnecessary and people who do it too often are usually insecure about their relationship or secretly want to be watched.

    And slightly off topic but the fact that you should share all your secrets with your loved one doesn't exactly mean you should also share your friends' secrets with him too. But apparently this is not a common thought among girls.
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    The current duration of the relationship is a major factor in this, I think.
    Like I have one friend who's girlfriend I kinda really don't like (nobody does, I doubt he even does) but I have no problem hanging out with him when shes around because they've been going out for like 8 years, so there's really no awkward coupley stuff going on.

    If a couple is going out a few months or something then fuck that.

    My girlfriend is friends with all my friends at this stage too, so there's no awkwardness there at all. My bestfriend, and his ex, and me and my girlfriend would chill as a four piece all the time, once they broke up, we just chill as a three piece a lot of the time and it's not awkward for anyone. It'd just be weird to be all over each other in someone elses company, I'd feel about as uncomfortable as the third wheel. I've been out at bars and whatever with just my girlfriend and bumped into friends who are considerate enough to ask like "Hey man we're not intruding are we? Do you want to be left alone?" that kind of thing. I appreciate the consideration and all, but don't be ludicrous. If we wanted to be alone we wouldn't be in a bar.
    Last edited by mrconeman; 08-22-2012 at 04:53 PM.
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    I don't think I'm like this anymore, though many on this forum might think otherwise.
    As I've grown up some. back in the day. I even use myself as an example. reflected on things that happened in the past. I have a better understanding of things now. At least I can admit it now. I have somehow caused this situation by mentioning how I used to act on here. how I've changed. I'm a relatively normal poster now

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    Quote Originally Posted by mrconeman View Post
    The current duration of the relationship is a major factor in this, I think.
    Like I have one friend who's girlfriend I kinda really don't like (nobody does, I doubt he even does) but I have no problem hanging out with him when shes around because they've been going out for like 8 years, so there's really no awkward coupley stuff going on.

    If a couple is going out a few months or something then fuck that.

    My girlfriend is friends with all my friends at this stage too, so there's no awkwardness there at all. My bestfriend, and his ex, and me and my girlfriend would chill as a four piece all the time, once they broke up, we just chill as a three piece a lot of the time and it's not awkward for anyone. It'd just be weird to be all over each other in someone elses company, I'd feel about as uncomfortable as the third wheel. I've been out at bars and whatever with just my girlfriend and bumped into friends who are considerate enough to ask like "Hey man we're not intruding are we? Do you want to be left alone?" that kind of thing. I appreciate the consideration and all, but don't be ludicrous. If we wanted to be alone we wouldn't be in a bar.
    Yeah, I was thinking that this can be a huge part of it. I have friends who've been together since long before I met them, and it's often even more fun to hang out with both together. But newer couples can get really tiresome. I also think age and maturity plays a role, as well.
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  9. #19
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    I agree, I think it really depends on the couple, and not couples in general. My boyfriend and I are super self-conscious about this and don't get all OMG MAKE OUT NOW WITNESS OUR AFFECTION...then again, we are also mad old.
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  10. #20
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    Not going to lie, my fiancee and I are totally one of those couples that nobody should want to hang out with. We're not about to make out in front of people but we totally get lost in each other's nonsense quite a bit, leaving other parties confused/often annoyed. We totally accept our inability to carry on with more than one person at once though so we never get offended if people don't want to hang out with us lol

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