Semantics: I know where you're coming from

[RageAndLov]

"I know where you're coming from". I hate that phrasing. It means, as you all know, that person A understands why person B would make his statement about something based on person B's properties or earlier experiences.

However, its literal meaning is too obvious for me to appreciate it. If person B is person A's twin, then it is obvious that person A knows where person B comes from. They are twins! They have lived all of their lives together and have the same parents! The phrase becomes a tautology.

This is something that has bothered me for a while. Does anyone agree that is an irritating phrase?

[XYlophonetreeZ]

Where do you get the whole "twins" thing from?

I do NOT know where you're coming from.

[Llamas]

However, its literal meaning is too obvious for me to appreciate it. If person B is person A's twin, then it is obvious that person A knows where person B comes from. They are twins! They have lived all of their lives together and have the same parents! The phrase becomes a tautology.

As Treez said, I don't get the twins thing. I've said this phrase many times in my life, and my twin died before birth (seriously, lol). This idiom is perfectly fine in my books, and even if the literal meaning is strange, that's how idioms work. You could just say, "I understand" or "I relate to what you're saying", but "I know where you're coming from" just says the same thing in a more casual way.

[WebDudette]

I have no idea what Rage is talking about. I don't like hearing it much, though that's because I know when I say it, out means 'I get what you're saying, but here's why you're wrong.'

[RageAndLov]

Sorry, I clearly did not formulate my post good enough.

I find it irritating to hear "I know where you are coming from" when you literally know where someone is coming from. Like the guy comes from, say, San Diego. If the discussion is about ice cream flavours, being from San Diego has nothing to do with the guy's ice cream flavour preferences. It is not relevant to the discussion at all where the guy is coming from. Stating that you know where he is coming from makes no sense in this context.

When I used the example of twins, I meant that no one knows more than twins where each other is coming from. It would make no sense to state that you know where your twin is coming from when discussing for instance ice cream flavours. It is obvious that you know that your twin comes from the same place as you. So obvious and redundant that you could just as well say "I know where I am coming from". "Good, because otherwise you have most likely alzheimers."

Do you understand now?

[Llamas]

Sorry, I clearly did not formulate my post good enough.

I find it irritating to hear "I know where you are coming from" when you literally know where someone is coming from. Like the guy comes from, say, San Diego. If the discussion is about ice cream flavours, being from San Diego has nothing to do with the guy's ice cream flavour preferences. It is not relevant to the discussion at all where the guy is coming from. Stating that you know where he is coming from makes no sense in this context.

Because it's present continuous, it is not what you're describing. You couldn't literally say, "He is coming from San Diego", but rather, "He comes from San Diego". It would be grammatically atrocious to say, "He is coming from San Diego," unless he is on his way *here* to visit me *from* San Diego... but that's an expression one hardly ever uses.

Anyway, it sounds like you might have issues with idioms of all sorts, then. All idioms are super weird and illogical if you try to take them literally. I put my foot in my mouth instead of biting my tongue like I should've. Wait, why would I put my foot in my mouth? What does that have to do with saying something embarrassing? And biting my tongue sounds painful! Give me a hand, will you (and I don't mean you should detach your hand at the wrist and donate it to me for good), cause I've had it up to my ears (unless "it" is air, there's nothing anywhere near my ears right now) with these idioms!

[Paint_It_Black]

I find it irritating to hear "I know where you are coming from" when you literally know where someone is coming from.

But obviously nobody ever uses this phrase to mean that they literally know where you are coming from in a geographic sense. If you actually take things this literally you presumably can never have a single conversation without getting confused or annoyed. Communication is not about the literal meaning of the things we say, it's about conveying a point in the most effective way. The most effective way is rarely the most direct and literal way.

With this phrase, as has already been mentioned, it's often a way of gently preparing to rebuff someone's statement. It's a way of showing that you understand why they may hold a certain opinion before making it clear that you don't share it. It's particularly good when someone has expressed prejudice towards perhaps an ethic group or something similar, and you know that this person has been mistreated in the past by people belonging to this group. This phrase basically acknowledges that you accept the person has cause to feel negatively but that the negativity is being directed unfairly. It's a good phrase.

[RageAndLov]

Because it's present continuous, it is not what you're describing. You couldn't literally say, "He is coming from San Diego", but rather, "He comes from San Diego". It would be grammatically atrocious to say, "He is coming from San Diego," unless he is on his way *here* to visit me *from* San Diego... but that's an expression one hardly ever uses.

Anyway, it sounds like you might have issues with idioms of all sorts, then. All idioms are super weird and illogical if you try to take them literally. I put my foot in my mouth instead of biting my tongue like I should've. Wait, why would I put my foot in my mouth? What does that have to do with saying something embarrassing? And biting my tongue sounds painful! Give me a hand, will you (and I don't mean you should detach your hand at the wrist and donate it to me for good), cause I've had it up to my ears (unless "it" is air, there's nothing anywhere near my ears right now) with these idioms!

The grammar thing. Yes you are right, but then "I know where you are coming from" makes even less sense. It should be "I know where you come from", but it isn't. People say "I know where you are coming from" as if the one they are talking with is approaching them as they speak.

Anyway, I don't have problems with most idioms, sayings or phrases. Things like "I put my foot in my mouth" are so extreme, vivid or over-dramatic that it is hard to think about them as literal. They are often physically impossible. They also usually make metaphorically sense. Putting your foot in your mouth is quite embarrassing. Things like "give me a hand" is logical as you physically give your hand to a person if that person is down on the ground and you stretch out his hand to help him up. Or if you help someone to carry something heavy, you give them a hand by physically interact your hand with the object in need to be carried.

I think the reason I have a problem with "I know where you are coming from" is that it can have both a literal and metaphorical meaning. And it is not unnatural or uncommon to use both of the meanings. The term is ambiguous. When you say "give me a hand" you never mean to have that hand detached from the person a go home with it. It most often only has one meaning. "I know where you are coming from" is seldom confusing, you would most likely know if the literal or metaphorical meaning is used, but I still find it very annoying.

But obviously nobody ever uses this phrase to mean that they literally know where you are coming from in a geographic sense. If you actually take things this literally you presumably can never have a single conversation without getting confused or annoyed. Communication is not about the literal meaning of the things we say, it's about conveying a point in the most effective way. The most effective way is rarely the most direct and literal way.

With this phrase, as has already been mentioned, it's often a way of gently preparing to rebuff someone's statement. It's a way of showing that you understand why they may hold a certain opinion before making it clear that you don't share it. It's particularly good when someone has expressed prejudice towards perhaps an ethic group or something similar, and you know that this person has been mistreated in the past by people belonging to this group. This phrase basically acknowledges that you accept the person has cause to feel negatively but that the negativity is being directed unfairly. It's a good phrase.

I fully understand the meaning and I never confuse it for the opposite meaning, still I find it annoying for reasons listed above.

[Paint_It_Black]

I would, uh, accept your perspective on this issue, except when does anyone ever use the phrase in the geographical sense? I have never experienced that. If you give me one example of a time that actually happened to you I'll happily say I understand why it bothers you.

[Llamas]

The grammar thing. Yes you are right, but then "I know where you are coming from" makes even less sense. It should be "I know where you come from", but it isn't. People say "I know where you are coming from" as if the one they are talking with is approaching them as they speak.

Nope, it has to be present continuous. You say "I know where you are coming from" because it is at this moment. Since it means the same thing as, "I understand what you are saying", the tense is consistent. You wouldn't say, "I understand what you say", just as it makes no sense to say, "I know where you come from." This is at the present moment, not in general, so present continuous it is.

I think the reason I have a problem with "I know where you are coming from" is that it can have both a literal and metaphorical meaning. And it is not unnatural or uncommon to use both of the meanings. The term is ambiguous. When you say "give me a hand" you never mean to have that hand detached from the person a go home with it. It most often only has one meaning. "I know where you are coming from" is seldom confusing, you would most likely know if the literal or metaphorical meaning is used, but I still find it very annoying.

It's VERY uncommon to use "I know where you're coming from" in a literal sense. In fact, you would pretty much never say that and be grammatically correct. It's not any more ambiguous than "give me a hand". It is about equally likely that a person would say "I know where you're coming from" in a literal sense as "give me a hand". Perhaps there's confusion here since you're not a native speaker? Because this phrase is not ambiguous at all. Google it. You'll only get one meaning.