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Thread: I need advice

  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Llamas View Post
    I'm a pansy/asshole about that stuff and tend to just ignore until they get the hint, even though I know it's not the right way.
    Are you sure it's not the right way? Because it feels so right.

    Harley, you've got yourself a tricky situation for sure. Ignoring her until she gets the hint is not going to work in this situation, obviously. The best thing, even though it won't be pleasant, might be to actually tell her some of the things you told us, try to make her understand how you feel and why you feel the way you do. There is a small chance you two could work out your issues through conversation, but most likely it would end the friendship. Either way though, you're moving forward. Maybe write her a letter/email about how you feel?
    Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Bill Hicks

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Paint_It_Black View Post
    Maybe write her a letter/email about how you feel?
    Haha, here's the ultra passive response - if ignoring doesn't work and I'm forced to confront the situation, I write a letter/email. I'm trying to get over that... but I know I'd do it if I were in Harley's position. It's great because you don't have to deal in person with their emotions!!
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  3. #13
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    I hate confrontation and all the drama shit. If being someone's friend feels like work I don't want to do it. Telling them that, however, is going to just result in even more shit. If I can't be bothered with the drama while maintaining the friendship I certainly can't be bothered with the drama after having decided the friendship is done.

    So yeah, I love the ultra passive response. Bri, why are you trying to get over it? It's awesome!

    I may change my mind on this, but right now I'm fairly certain that friendship should always be easy. If it feels like work then something is very wrong. Of course I don't mean you should abandon friends when they're going through a tough time or anything like that, but if the friendship consistently feels like too much effort then it's, not shockingly, probably not worth the effort.
    Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Bill Hicks

  4. #14
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    I feel like the passive aggressive approach causes more drama than dealing with something head-on. But then again, I'm a little (and by a little, I mean a lot) on the aggressive/confrontational end of the spectrum. Someone getting ranty and it annoys me? I tell them bitches to shut the fuck up. Someone complaining about a mutual acquaintance/friend incessantly? I tell them bitches to shut the fuck up. Someone starts complaining about the Offspring? Well, I can't divulge any details, since the police investigation is still ongoing, but at some point that bitch broke his arm and now he swears, up and down, that the Offspring is his new favorite band.
    Quote Originally Posted by Little_Miss_1565 View Post
    Or what? Or you'll leave as soon as someone returns your rudeness and delete all your posts? I'm so scared.

  5. #15
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    I've always found that if I get aggressive I don't know how to stop being aggressive and any situation will just escalate until it spins horribly out of control. I don't know how to have a casual argument. I don't know how to flippantly tell someone to shut up and then just go on like nothing weird happened. So I'm really stuck taking a passive approach to everything unless I'm willing to go all the way. And most things just aren't worth going to war over.

    I also don't get over things quickly. I get worked up slowly and I calm down afterwards just as slowly. I know people who can rant and rave at me and then realize the whole thing was a misunderstanding and then they're totally fine again. Not me, oh fuck no. My adrenaline is pumping, I can hear my heart thumping, all my senses seem to be on high alert...basically I stay in full fight or flight for a frustratingly long time and it just spoils everything.
    Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Bill Hicks

  6. #16
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    I'm the total opposite of that. Unless it really, really matters, I usually snap in and out of anger so quickly that it blows my mind. Being friend with me IRL is like choosing to live in the middle of an enemy mine field.
    Quote Originally Posted by Little_Miss_1565 View Post
    Or what? Or you'll leave as soon as someone returns your rudeness and delete all your posts? I'm so scared.

  7. #17
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    Thanks for your answers...

    I'm not gonna go for a conversation because I don't see what I would say and what good it would do.

    I just can't tell her "yeah, so I feel we don't have much in common anymore and I get bored when I see you... besides, you still manage to annoy me sometimes".

    Thing is, I don't want her to get hurt. We've been friends for a very long time and it's not like she did something horrible that would justify a "break up".

    So basically, I've decided to just slow things down by pretending I'm really busy and to see her with other friends we have in common.

    I know this wasn't the most interesting thread but I was really upset and I guess I needed to talk about it so thanks !
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  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Paint_It_Black View Post
    I've always found that if I get aggressive I don't know how to stop being aggressive and any situation will just escalate until it spins horribly out of control. I don't know how to have a casual argument. I don't know how to flippantly tell someone to shut up and then just go on like nothing weird happened. So I'm really stuck taking a passive approach to everything unless I'm willing to go all the way. And most things just aren't worth going to war over.

    I also don't get over things quickly. I get worked up slowly and I calm down afterwards just as slowly. I know people who can rant and rave at me and then realize the whole thing was a misunderstanding and then they're totally fine again. Not me, oh fuck no. My adrenaline is pumping, I can hear my heart thumping, all my senses seem to be on high alert...basically I stay in full fight or flight for a frustratingly long time and it just spoils everything.

    I'm somewhat the same way. I've never understood how some people can pop off or say something extremely rude, hateful, or hurtful, and then four minutes later have the entire thing put behind them forever, regardless of how well or badly it ended. Is this maybe a sign of someone who could potentially have some serious emotional problems?


    But it does take me awhile to simmer down, too. I haven't been in a fight since I was a little kid, but I normally have an extremely high tolerance for asshattery, and I'm generally very in control of my emotions. So, I kind of feel like if me of all people gets worked up to the point of it getting physical, then the other person deserves a life-altering beat down.

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Harleyquiiinn View Post
    So basically, I've decided to just slow things down by pretending I'm really busy and to see her with other friends we have in common.
    Did it work?
    Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Bill Hicks

  10. #20
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    Yes and no.

    No in the sense that she noticed and was mad at me.

    Yes in the way that she talked about it to a friend and realized that it might have been her fault.

    As a result, she listens a little bit more and we manage to have conversations again. But I still try to see her with other people... and it helps that it's summer and we don't get to see each other for a few weeks.

    Thanks for asking anyway
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