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Thread: Who DOESN'T want children?

  1. #11
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    I lean toward wanting kids, but I've never, ever wanted to have my own/give birth. That's made a bit easier by being gay (less expected that I'd get pregnant), but with modern medicine, I still get a lot of flack for it. I'm still told the instinct will kick in, I'll wanna get pregnant, etc, etc... I'm 29. When the hell is this supposed to happen exactly? :P

    I've also been told multiple times that it's wrong not to have your own kids. Like I'm a bad person because I'd rather give a home to kids who don't have one than add more humans to the population...
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  2. #12
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    I get that I'm still young and that my hormones my change and make me feel differently, but it's hard to think that I will. Most of the people who say that I'll change my mind are my friends, who all say that one day they would definitely like to get married (another thing I'm quite unsure of) and have children. One of my friends has a kid who is 7 or 8, and I actually have to hold back the urge to throttle him. I don't 'get on' with kids, I find them to be annoying little shits, and I actually snigger to myself when the cat scratches the child that I look after (is that messed up?).

    Llamas, I agree with you. IF I ever would like to have a child, I feel that adopting would be so much better - if I really want a child, why can't I help out some unwanted/orphaned one instead of adding another one to the population. The only reason I can see at the moment for having my own child is the curiosity to see what it would look like.

    If anyone has ever read We Need to Talk About Kevin by Lionel Shriver (or seen the film), there's a lot in that book that I could really understand (she doesn't want to have kids, and then oops, she does). It's not just that I'm "selfish"(I hate when people use this argument about not wanting children. Like, what?!) and I want all the freedom and none of the responsibility, but I just don't think I would be a good mother.

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alison View Post
    I get that I'm still young and that my hormones my change and make me feel differently, but it's hard to think that I will. Most of the people who say that I'll change my mind are my friends, who all say that one day they would definitely like to get married (another thing I'm quite unsure of) and have children. One of my friends has a kid who is 7 or 8, and I actually have to hold back the urge to throttle him. I don't 'get on' with kids, I find them to be annoying little shits, and I actually snigger to myself when the cat scratches the child that I look after (is that messed up?).
    In my opinion, a lot of the people who say shit like that to childfree people either had a kid on accident and are masking the resentment, or they have nothing else in their lives to work for and care much about, so they're so devoted to their kid that they can't imagine it being different for someone else. Just my opinion, but I sense it in the people who are sort of preachy - good parents/happy people tend to be content with themselves and don't really give a shit about what other people do.

    Llamas, I agree with you. IF I ever would like to have a child, I feel that adopting would be so much better - if I really want a child, why can't I help out some unwanted/orphaned one instead of adding another one to the population. The only reason I can see at the moment for having my own child is the curiosity to see what it would look like.
    Yeah, people still have this strange obsession with blood. I've heard things like, you need to pass down your genes and your bloodline... family is blood... blah blah blah. I respond by saying that my dearest, most beloved grandma wasn't even related to me by blood - she was the grandmother of my half brother. She was there for me and took care of me better than most of my blood family, and I have far more fond memories of my childhood with regards to her than with anyone else. I often forget that we're not actually related. And the same goes for my siblings, who are all only half related to me. They are my brothers and sister, and I usually forget that we're only half related. In this day and age, society is moving away from the family in terms of blood lines being the strongest bond. People keep close friends through their entire lives, we have single parents and gay parents and half/step families... it's hopefully just a matter of time before society starts to also accept that bloodline isn't the only thing necessary to create family.

    Beyond all that, I can't figure out what the draw is to birth kids. I understand there's a hormonal push for many people, but it's not even close to 100%. Plenty of people seem to have kids because they consider it an expected part of life. Most can't justify why they gave birth rather than adopting. And to be honest, I'm fine with that. People are free to have kids if they want, and even though I think it's better to adopt, I'd never expect someone to justify why they're birthing a child. I expect the same respect in return. Why should I have to justify NOT wanting to birth a child? Fuck off.

    If anyone has ever read We Need to Talk About Kevin by Lionel Shriver (or seen the film), there's a lot in that book that I could really understand (she doesn't want to have kids, and then oops, she does). It's not just that I'm "selfish"(I hate when people use this argument about not wanting children. Like, what?!) and I want all the freedom and none of the responsibility, but I just don't think I would be a good mother.
    Is that the book about the child with severe sociopathic tendencies? I've been meaning to read that one. And the "selfish" thing drives me nuts. Personally, at this time, I'm happier giving back to society through work I really believe in and helping many people. Raising a child to me isn't how I want to help society. I'm baffled by people who consider raising a child to be their life's work. There's so much more to this world. People who quit work to raise a child are the selfish ones, in my view.
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  4. #14
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    I'm in my early-mid 20s and I certainly don't want children for the next 10ish-15 years, but i think i'll want them by the time i'll hit my late 30s.

    Aside from things like being able to enjoy my personal freedom for a few more years, i'd really like to be in a comfortable financial position. Kids are friggin expensive.
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  5. #15
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    I, for one, want kids, always have wanted kids, and I want them soon. I got really weirded out, just a couple years ago, that I had a friend who was actively trying to conceive and is the same age. Apparently, she had been trying for a full year before I ever knew about it. Now, her entire existence is her 10 month old (maybe 11? idc). I can't imagine defining my entire life within a single infant. That's a lot of pressure for that kid to grow up with. That is definitely not me, but somewhere between two years ago and today, life has changed a ton and we aren't rich, but our income and life are fairly stable. And I like that I grew up with fairly young parents and that they are still young enough to at least try to keep up with me. I mean, shit, my little sister is 21 and my parents still haven't cracked 50.
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  6. #16
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    I sure am happy my parents wanted kids. I couldn't imagine a world without me.

  7. #17
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    Nawh, no little-offspring-juniors for me in the future.

  8. #18
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    There are a lot of threads in... this thread.

    I think I want kids. I am not entirely sure.

    I turned 26 a few months ago, and knowing that my parents had me at around this age is an incredibly bizarre sensation. I definitely don't want a child now - not least because I am single and not looking to get into another serious relationship (which I see as ideal for having a child).

    I would also suggest to IxnayontheLindsay that 'all the possible experiences you can have' includes raising children as a possible life experience, but I feel the thrust of your internet argument nonetheless, and I think it's cool that you know what you want.

    Levity (or the weak version of it that I managed to summon) aside, people who don't want to have kids are cool by me. So are people who do want to have kids. Mystifyingly, they are very rarely cool with each other. Parents have an amazingly condescending attitude towards the childless, invoking a whole set of divergent life experiences that come with having spawned. The childfree, on the other hand - perhaps in response to that pressure - despise children. They hate their presence, their suggestion, the smell of them, their voices... everything.

    If it comes down to it that in five years I meet a nice girl (or a nice man, you never know) and we want to start popping out little experiments in genetic combination, that should be up to me. Parents don't need to hassle me before it happens. Childfree friends should shut their fucking mouths about what a mistake it is once it happens and I have a partial genetic transfer/hellspawn to rear and train to play fetch.

    Not wanting kids? Good on you. But why hate on other people's?

    Want or have kids? Good on you, too. But despite the complex biology at work, you're really dealing with the destructive consequences of a mix-and-match chemistry set as far as you're concerned. Good luck but don't act like it's never happened to anyone else or it's somehow a more valid life choice than the ones others have taken.

    And for llamas, a short PS concerning adoption - if I have a kid, I would prefer it be my genetic material. I'll be up front about that. Somehow it's pretty selfish to buy into the bloodline/genetic material narrative. I agree with that. But understanding it doesn't make me want it any less. I would adopt, certainly, but only if my preference for my own genetics was somehow unworkable. I don't really have a defense for it, and I'm not particularly interested in formulating one because I see no purpose to the argument. It's just a preference.
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  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alison View Post
    I've never wanted children, ever, in my life. I was always (and still am) faced with smiles and "Ah, sure you're still young, all you need is the right man" type responses (or even worse, "I bet you'll be the first to have kids/You'll have the most kids out of all of us!"). I find this really condescending. I'm 23 now, and I feel that if I still don't ever want children now, then I still won't in 5-10 years time.

    I just have no maternal instinct whatsoever, and find ways of avoiding interacting or holding my baby cousins, and kids in general. I started babysitting last December, and the whole thing has completely dissolved any tiny notion that maybe one day I will change my mind.

    So, anyone else here that would rather never have children?
    I am on the fence about it. Never say never tho...

    I do not however think it's very condescending that people say you will change your mind. More likely than not your homornes and insticts will take the better of you. It's like some 10 year old kid taking offense at being told after saying he never wants have facial hair, that well sooner or later his facial hair will start to grow. Not everyones does, but most do.

    Most people's insticts like that kick in, and they do end up changing their minds. It's not an evil assumption saying you probably will. Odds are they are right, the question is will you consciously overpower that urge for some reason. Them questioning that if that is your resolve that you won't want to have children will you bend under the pressure of "the right man", that could be a little insulting. It does equate you a little bit with a brooding mare, which you know... isn't that cool. But I think that's not what they are implying, they are saying you will stop consciously wanting to have children. And again: odds are they are right.

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Llamas View Post
    I lean toward wanting kids, but I've never, ever wanted to have my own/give birth. That's made a bit easier by being gay (less expected that I'd get pregnant), but with modern medicine, I still get a lot of flack for it. I'm still told the instinct will kick in, I'll wanna get pregnant, etc, etc... I'm 29. When the hell is this supposed to happen exactly? :P

    I've also been told multiple times that it's wrong not to have your own kids. Like I'm a bad person because I'd rather give a home to kids who don't have one than add more humans to the population...
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