Hey Maria, not looking to antagonize you here, but you know it is customary to be nice when asking for a favour, right? I accept you may not see how you have been rude, but you must at least accept you have not really been nice, no?
Here's a close approximation for you. You owe me a favour now, by the way.
"shut your gob, you"
I don't think he says anything really, he just makes a weird noise. "Shut your gob, you" is a complete sentence in this context, in case you didn't get that.
"this woman come to our house"
"She said 'I'm collecting for the local swimming bath' so I gave her a bucket of water"
"this lady comes into the bedroom with a pair of thingies on..."
"So he said 'go on', and I said this fella came in with his wotsits on so he said 'go on', and I said they were dashing around the bedroom so fast you couldn't tell what was going on, and he said 'are you going to tell us what happened' and I said I don't know, and he said 'why don't you know' and I said me ladder broke"
"have you tried opening the window?"
"I said what, and let all me pigeons out?"
"p.i.k.o... drag it into tube 3?"
It's not "tube 3", it's something like "Tip Street". Basically, just drag the carcass somewhere easier to spell.
I can't be bothered with the second video right now.
“Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves.” – Bill Hicks