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Thread: Getting married after a short relationship

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  1. #1
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    Default Getting married after a short relationship

    My sister was dating this guy about 6 months ago. It didn't work out mostly because he makes a living by touring the country doing double-neck guitar shows and just isn't around.

    Then, about 2-3 weeks ago, I saw that he had just been married via Facebook. I have to be honest, it kind of rubs me the wrong way that this happened. He's seemed like a pretty opinionated guy and I'm sure he would defend is decision, but I think that's way too soon to get married. Perhaps most annoyingly, it seems as though people that do this are inadvertently making the claim that their love is soooo deep that there was just no reason to wait any longer (you wouldn't understand!). It also seems a bit arrogant in the sense that they are sort of suggesting that they are more perceptive about compatibility than all other people who usually date a minimum of a year before getting married.

    If I was in a relationship in which I quickly felt strongly that we would be together forever, I'd still wait a year just as a precaution.
    When they said "sit down", I stood up.

  2. #2
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    I worked with someone who got engaged, and moved in, with the drummer of a cover band that frequently played at the bar we worked at, after knowing the guy for two weeks. Two. Weeks. It blew up fantastically. It was so bad, that she moved six hours away.

    My husband and I celebrated our two year anniversary a month before our wedding. People were still arguing that it was too soon for us to get married. I definitely don't regret it thus far.
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  3. #3
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    I'd say a one year minimum before even thinking about getting married.

    I've been with my girlfirend for 10 months: and things are certainly very serious, but even then I still feel its way too early to start thinking about marriage.
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  4. #4
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    If it feels good do it. When it blows up, live with it. Don't blame anyone else or the other person involved if you jump into something and it dosen't work out. Maybe you should have been a bit more wide eyed. Hell, everything is easy at first in any relationship.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by MOTO13 View Post
    If it feels good do it. When it blows up, live with it.
    I...actually really like this.

    It just feels wrong to agree with MOTO.
    Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Bill Hicks

  6. #6
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    I have a friend whom I've known since Junior High. Recently, he and a girl that he has known since, like, elementary school got married... after only dating for about 7 months (maybe more, maybe less). They've known each other for years, yeah, but they decided to tie the knot after only dating for a short amount of time. Mind you, they've known each other for a long time, but they've never been serious acquaintances. She had her circle of friends and he his own. Now, I haven't really talked to my friend that much since I graduated high school, nor have I spoken to him about his recent marriage. I'm very happy for them and there could be a really good connection between them, they seem like a great couple with good chemistry, but the amount of time between them getting together and then getting engaged seemed a little fast. Granted, he's about to enter the next stage of his life (after college) and it's something he feels he should think about and take seriously. I don't blame him, but to jump into something that quickly I don't think is a good idea. Even with how serious things got between me and my ex, we both agreed to avoid those big commitments until after a year or so.

    I don't know if it's something people really think about anymore, especially with the divorce rate like it is, it seems people see marriage as something thats fun to do for a while, then quit and move onto the next one. With a mindset, might as well stick to just dating (less money involved)

  7. #7
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    Two of my friends did it exactly how I want it done. They were together for 10 years, and then decided to get married for legal reasons (he's American, she's Slovene). They snuck off to the court house and got married on their own. Then they rented a big picnic area in farm area for a huge party with tons of amazing food (way better than food I've had at any wedding), tons of games like table tennis, frisbee, etc, music, and soooooo much booze. Plus there was a barn if anyone wanted to stay the night for free (but it ended up raining and pretty cold, so everyone went home). It was more fun than most weddings I've been to, and for a fraction of the price.

    I do not understand weddings. Like you, Coneman, I respect others' choices and don't have a problem with people who get married, but I don't get weddings. They are cheesy, long, and typically boring until the late hours of the reception.

    I will probably end up getting married at some point simply because it's unlikely that I'll end up with someone of my nationality, and it just makes things a lot easier legally. But I have no desire for a wedding. A party is all I want - and I'll use all the money I saved by not having a wedding to take one HELL of a honeymoon.
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  8. #8
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    If it's meant to be it's meant to be.

    Some of my friends got married after a couple of months, got Kids and are still living together happily.
    Another couple in my neighborhood married after having known each other for almost 10 yrs. They got divorced a year after.
    There's no guarantees whatsoever.
    Turn the lights on.

  9. #9
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    I got married purely for legal reasons. We're separated now but neither of us has so much as mentioned divorce. Considering neither of us really approves of marriage it's unlikely that either of us will ever want to marry someone else. I kind of like the idea of going through life technically still being married to someone I'm no longer with. It sort of says something, even if what it says most is that I'm lazy.

    I like the idea of having some kind of gathering to celebrate commitment between two awesome people, and I actually love wedding receptions. But, like others have said, I don't feel the need to bring church or government into it. And I agree with keeping it cheap and having an awesome honeymoon instead. Or maybe take a few close friends/family with you somewhere awesome, have some kind of cool ceremony and then a great party/holiday together.

    I'm very cynical about relationships, but hey, nothing lasts forever anyway. Just because you will probably split up isn't necessarily a reason not to make some grand public commitment in front of people you will have to socialize with for the rest of your life. Is it?
    Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Bill Hicks

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Paint_It_Black View Post
    I got married purely for legal reasons. We're separated now but neither of us has so much as mentioned divorce. Considering neither of us really approves of marriage it's unlikely that either of us will ever want to marry someone else. I kind of like the idea of going through life technically still being married to someone I'm no longer with. It sort of says something, even if what it says most is that I'm lazy.
    First off, why exactly did you get married? Secondly, you say don't really approve of marriage, yet you got married and that you like the idea of technically being married. You just like being married to someone you never have to be around...ever. Here's something to chew on, that is not a marriage in any manner or form. It's simple covenience or basically self brainwashing. It's kind of like saying you're a member of MENSA because you filled out the paperwork.

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