Getting married after a short relationship

[Paint_It_Black]

Hey, I didn't know Jesse still posted here!

That's awesome.

[mrconeman]

I've been with my girlfriend for 4 and a half years, and have every intention to remain with her for the rest of our lives. I'm not naive, both my parents have had two broken relationships, and just about everyone else I grew up with was raised by a single parent, and all of my friends have had multiple broken relationships, I'm the only one that's still with my first serious girlfriend, and I consider myself insurmountably lucky for that, even with the odds stacked against us that just makes me want to stay together even more. Not that I need any other incentive than she's really fucking awesome.

Marriage is completely broken, and apart from the financial benefits, has absolutely nothing to do with the love between two people. Except for the huge gesture of gathering both families to display the intention to stay with one person for the rest of your days. One day. I will never marry my girlfriend, we have spoken about this and feel exactly the same way.

We've spoken about alternatives, some kind of huge love-party, but with no actual Government or Church involvement. Love-party actually sounds like the best way to ruin a relationship reading that back. Especially if we invite the families. Hot.

Anyway, I don't hold anything against married couples, especially those that got married for functional reasons, or societal pressures, but it's just not for me. So yes, 1 year, 10 years, 100 years, is too early to get married.

I will never ever understand the concept of "I really fucking love you, and I want to be with you for the rest of my life...let's get the Church and state involved".

[Llamas]

Two of my friends did it exactly how I want it done. They were together for 10 years, and then decided to get married for legal reasons (he's American, she's Slovene). They snuck off to the court house and got married on their own. Then they rented a big picnic area in farm area for a huge party with tons of amazing food (way better than food I've had at any wedding), tons of games like table tennis, frisbee, etc, music, and soooooo much booze. Plus there was a barn if anyone wanted to stay the night for free (but it ended up raining and pretty cold, so everyone went home). It was more fun than most weddings I've been to, and for a fraction of the price.

I do not understand weddings. Like you, Coneman, I respect others' choices and don't have a problem with people who get married, but I don't get weddings. They are cheesy, long, and typically boring until the late hours of the reception.

I will probably end up getting married at some point simply because it's unlikely that I'll end up with someone of my nationality, and it just makes things a lot easier legally. But I have no desire for a wedding. A party is all I want - and I'll use all the money I saved by not having a wedding to take one HELL of a honeymoon.

[EarY]

If it's meant to be it's meant to be.

Some of my friends got married after a couple of months, got Kids and are still living together happily.
Another couple in my neighborhood married after having known each other for almost 10 yrs. They got divorced a year after.
There's no guarantees whatsoever.

[Paint_It_Black]

I got married purely for legal reasons. We're separated now but neither of us has so much as mentioned divorce. Considering neither of us really approves of marriage it's unlikely that either of us will ever want to marry someone else. I kind of like the idea of going through life technically still being married to someone I'm no longer with. It sort of says something, even if what it says most is that I'm lazy.

I like the idea of having some kind of gathering to celebrate commitment between two awesome people, and I actually love wedding receptions. But, like others have said, I don't feel the need to bring church or government into it. And I agree with keeping it cheap and having an awesome honeymoon instead. Or maybe take a few close friends/family with you somewhere awesome, have some kind of cool ceremony and then a great party/holiday together.

I'm very cynical about relationships, but hey, nothing lasts forever anyway. Just because you will probably split up isn't necessarily a reason not to make some grand public commitment in front of people you will have to socialize with for the rest of your life. Is it?

[MOTO13]

I got married purely for legal reasons. We're separated now but neither of us has so much as mentioned divorce. Considering neither of us really approves of marriage it's unlikely that either of us will ever want to marry someone else. I kind of like the idea of going through life technically still being married to someone I'm no longer with. It sort of says something, even if what it says most is that I'm lazy.

First off, why exactly did you get married? Secondly, you say don't really approve of marriage, yet you got married and that you like the idea of technically being married. You just like being married to someone you never have to be around...ever. Here's something to chew on, that is not a marriage in any manner or form. It's simple covenience or basically self brainwashing. It's kind of like saying you're a member of MENSA because you filled out the paperwork.

[_Lost_]

He said "technically" married, as in, legally.

[MOTO13]

He said "technically" married, as in, legally.

I thought PIB was a chick. Huh, whatya know. Anyway, I know what he said, he said he was married for purely legal reasons and that he technically likes being married, even though he dispproves of marriage he won't get divorced. I know how to friggin read. I was simply asking him to expand on this cause he sounds very confused, even contradictory. But you obviously understand him.

Hey, why the hell do your eyes change color?

[Llamas]

I got married purely for legal reasons. We're separated now but neither of us has so much as mentioned divorce. Considering neither of us really approves of marriage it's unlikely that either of us will ever want to marry someone else. I kind of like the idea of going through life technically still being married to someone I'm no longer with. It sort of says something, even if what it says most is that I'm lazy.

Huh? What does it say? It says that you don't care? I dunno, I think there are a lot of people (myself included) who'd view someone being married to someone they're not with as being a big red flag. If I was interested in someone and found that out, I'd probably walk away. I'm not one who has any desire to have a wedding, but I think being married to someone you're not with is not a good sign.

[Paint_It_Black]

If I was interested in someone and found that out, I'd probably walk away.

Fair enough. I can understand that reaction. It's not a concern for me though because I fully expect to be single for the rest of my days now.

Huh? What does it say?

You know those people who go on endlessly about the sanctity of marriage? I continue to be legally married because marriage is so unimportant to me that I can't even be bothered to get divorced. I feel like I'm helping to illustrate how marriage is outdated and anything but sacred. I'm not actively doing this. It's just a nice side effect.

First off, why exactly did you get married? Secondly, you say don't really approve of marriage, yet you got married and that you like the idea of technically being married.

She's an American. I'm English. We got married so we could live in the same country as each other. Quick courthouse job with lunch at a Chinese buffet afterwards. We never did rings and for a long time we didn't really even tell anyone we were married. We didn't want to be married. We did, however, want to be together so we basically had to get married.

I sort of like the idea of continuing to be married because it makes a mockery of the whole thing.

It's been a long time since anyone here thought I was a woman. I am amused.