Getting married after a short relationship

[Harleyquiiinn]

[lawyer]PIB, have you thought about your succession ? If you don't get a divorce, and get a whole another life with another person, it would be weird that your wife still is the one who should inherit from you... Unless, of course, you live in a country where the spouse doesn't get anything...[/lawyer]

Anyway, I've been with my boyfriend/partner/almost husband/best friend that I f... for 11 years.

We're not married, we don't care one way or the other. If we had tons of money, we probably would do it as "oh that's a giant party, yeaaaaaah". But we don't have tons on money and we'd rather spend it on travelling. And as for the lega/taxl reasons, we got a civil union last year so that's done.

The only thing I would get married for is that I don't know how to refer to him. After all that time, and the fact that we know that unless one of us becomes a giant asshole, there's a good chance we'll stay together untill we both have Alzheimer and don't rememebr who we are, it feels weird to call him my boyfriend.

[wheelchairman]

I like the idea of marriage, its like a real life xbox-achievement.

On the other hand I judge people who rush into it, seems like they have an ulterior motive, like they view marriage as some kind of video game achievement....HEY WAIT.

I have no strong opinions really other than party good; ceremony boring. The last ceremony I went to, everyone recorded it on their phones. I was bored as my view was blocked.

[Llamas]

Fair enough. I can understand that reaction. It's not a concern for me though because I fully expect to be single for the rest of my days now.

Hmm, I see. Why is that?

You know those people who go on endlessly about the sanctity of marriage? I continue to be legally married because marriage is so unimportant to me that I can't even be bothered to get divorced. I feel like I'm helping to illustrate how marriage is outdated and anything but sacred. I'm not actively doing this. It's just a nice side effect.

I see your point here.

I was just talking with a good friend about marriage the other day, and her reasoning for having a wedding and all that is because it shows to your family and other close ones that you're serious about your relationship, that it says something more than being boyfriend and girlfriend. I'm kinda over my argumentative days, so I just left it alone, but I did think that was a BS reason. It seems lazy to me to use this institutionalized way of proving you're serious, when there are surely more creative and fun ways to do so.

[Llamas]

The only thing I would get married for is that I don't know how to refer to him. After all that time, and the fact that we know that unless one of us becomes a giant asshole, there's a good chance we'll stay together untill we both have Alzheimer and don't rememebr who we are, it feels weird to call him my boyfriend.

I don't get why "husband" has to be reserved for after you sign some document. If he's more than a boyfriend to you, why can't you call him your husband? It's easy enough to say, "we're not officially married, but I love him like a husband, not a boyfriend".

I have no strong opinions really other than party good; ceremony boring. The last ceremony I went to, everyone recorded it on their phones. I was bored as my view was blocked.

Oh my god I know right?? This is a huge part of why I don't want a traditional wedding - I'll throw a party. That's the fun part. Why on earth do I have to watch the ceremony? Is it okay if I take a nap while you sign some legal documents and some pastor reads a bunch of shit and you read these prepared "vows" (which are cheesy and boring 99% of the time)? Good god.

[EarY]

If the wedding day is supposed to be the best day of your life it can only get worse afterwards, right?

What I don't like about weddings are those stupid little party games, heart shaped balloons, boxes, candles, confetti etc. and people marrying in church though they don't go there otherwise or aren't even religious.

Vows absolutely suck.

I guess I'd favour a beach wedding, barefoot, just my partner, me and an officiant, sunset and a six-pack of beer.

[MOTO13]

Fair enough. I can understand that reaction. It's not a concern for me though because I fully expect to be single for the rest of my days now.

You know those people who go on endlessly about the sanctity of marriage? I continue to be legally married because marriage is so unimportant to me that I can't even be bothered to get divorced. I feel like I'm helping to illustrate how marriage is outdated and anything but sacred. I'm not actively doing this. It's just a nice side effect.

She's an American. I'm English. We got married so we could live in the same country as each other. Quick courthouse job with lunch at a Chinese buffet afterwards. We never did rings and for a long time we didn't really even tell anyone we were married. We didn't want to be married. We did, however, want to be together so we basically had to get married.

I sort of like the idea of continuing to be married because it makes a mockery of the whole thing.

It's been a long time since anyone here thought I was a woman. I am amused.

So, people have thought you were a chick in the past, it's just been a while. Cool. Back on topic. Marriage is so unimportant to you...that you did it. Then you say you did it to illustrate how dumb it is. But you won't get divorced because you like the idea of being married...to mock the institution of marriage and to thumb your nose to those who sanctify marriage. You were trying to illustrate a point of how marriage is stupid and outdated...yet you told no one. Who exactly were you trying to upstage with this excercise in futility? Cause if they don't know, it's all in your head.

If I think something is a waste and I do not agree with it, you know what I do? Stay with me now...I don't do it. Like say for example, these hump-backed, booger eating, toothless wonders who protest everything. I think they're usually borderline retarded, yet I don't go out and protest them to show how dumb protesting is. I just ignore them.

I guess maybe I continue to be single to illustrate how stupid it is to all the single people. Hey..all you single people, you're full of shit and I am proof of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[calichix]

I love weddings. it takes a lot of balls to stand up in front of your friends and family and be shmaltzy. I would NEVER do that unless it was important to the person I wanted to be with forever. then I would acquiesce, and it would be very romantic because I'd be so fucking uncomfortable.


although turbotax urges me to get married asap , relationships change so much between 6 months and 2 years. it's a whole different animal after you've lived with someone and know their nuances and are bored of their stories of their wild college years and all you have left is personality. I automatically assume "dumbass" of people who get married quickly, but when I worked in a convalescent home 9/10 old peoples love stories involved a shotgun wedding.

[wheelchairman]

Oh contrarianchix and her reasonable counterpoints. So charmingly irritating, or irritatingly charming. Really both apply.

Also because I've been dating Maartje pretty much since God created Adam, Eve and stegosaurus, I feel that I don't need marriage to validate us, but marriage is in more need of us to validate it.

Not that its marriage's fault that most people suck at it. I think one of the best things that makes our relationship work is that Maartje spends 1 week a month (no, its not synchronized with anything, you're an idiot if you wanted to ask that) in Holland. Its fucking awesome. I spend a week living as this disgusting slob who talks to himself, and afterwards I appreciate Maartje way more. Its like a pressure relief valve.

[Llamas]

Oh contrarianchix and her reasonable counterpoints. So charmingly irritating, or irritatingly charming. Really both apply.

Also because I've been dating Maartje pretty much since God created Adam, Eve and stegosaurus, I feel that I don't need marriage to validate us, but marriage is in more need of us to validate it.

Not that its marriage's fault that most people suck at it. I think one of the best things that makes our relationship work is that Maartje spends 1 week a month (no, its not synchronized with anything, you're an idiot if you wanted to ask that) in Holland. Its fucking awesome. I spend a week living as this disgusting slob who talks to himself, and afterwards I appreciate Maartje way more. Its like a pressure relief valve.

I've believed for years that the best way to make a relationship work in the long term is to have healthy breaks from each other semi-frequently. Because most people get tired of someone after being around them all the time - doesn't matter who they are.

[EarY]

As long as there are no kids that might actually work.

Wanna know what I really like? Those really old couples that have been married for decades still
holding hands, laughing with each other, sharing years and memories.

There's still hope somewhere out there I guess if one is willing and ready to work when the road gets
a little bumpy and not - like many - to cut and run.