Here's a secret about life. You will always have a lot of growing up to do. There's really no end to it. No magical moment when you suddenly transition. There are, of course, rites of passage. Graduating, going to college, starting a career, having children...these are commonly seen as indicators of "growing up". But the secret is that none of these things are likely to make you feel any different. At least not immediately. Growing up is experienced when you look back at a past self, usually over many years, and shudder at what you used to be. Or, if you're lucky, just sort of give a wry, knowing smile. Growing up is not something you do as much as something that gradually happens without you noticing. Much like physical ageing, really. You can look in the mirror five times a day but you won't see it happening. You can only notice the difference when comparing two versions of you from significantly different times.
Originally Posted by dexter12296566
One thing to try is to imagine a fantasy version of yourself. The person you would most like to be. Then, start to imitate that character whenever possible. Before making a decision decide what fantasy-you would do. Before reacting to something try thinking how fantasy-you would react. One day you might realize that you have become the person you always wanted to be. By that point you may well want to be something else entirely, but that's no problem. Just start the process all over again. There's no limit to it.
If it helps at all you've clearly grown up an incredible amount over the last few years. You seem to be an intelligent and likeable young woman. I hope you'll understand I mean no offence when I say this, but you used to come across as an extremely irritating child on this bbs. A lot of people didn't even believe you were a real person. And again, I only say this in a "look at you now!" sort of way.
So yes, you probably do have a lot of growing up to do, because it's a never-ending part of life. But I hope you give yourself credit for all the growing up you've already done and don't sell yourself short. You seem to already be an entirely worthwhile individual.
“Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves.” – Bill Hicks